Dumped & Divorced

Reflecting on the Windy City and the Overall Highs and Lows

• Natalie & Maressa • Season 1 • Episode 2

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Ever wondered how a stroll through Chicago's windy streets could lead to profound realizations about personal growth? From the Bean to deep-dish pizzas, our shared annual birthday escapade becomes more than just a trip—it's an anchor for reflection, laughter, and occasionally, a heartfelt tear or two. Despite missing out on recording in the vibrant city, we bring back stories of iconic landmarks and culinary indulgence, pairing them with the mixed reviews of our podcast debut. Addressing both cheers and critiques, we stand by our mission to protect those entwined in our narratives while embracing the diverse perspectives of our listeners. 

Journey with us as we navigate the tender terrain of relationships, heartbreak, and the quest for personal evolution. The emotional depth of breakups isn't easy to articulate, but it's a crucial part of feeling understood and validated. Sharing our own tales of resilience, we touch on the dreams of motherhood, the pressures of fertility, and the unexpected paths life sometimes offers. Reflecting on the importance of individuality within relationships, we discuss how our upbringing shapes our views and how journaling and therapy serve as allies in our growth. From the choice of divorce to the role of social media in finding community, we create a sanctuary of vulnerability and solidarity, offering support to anyone facing similar struggles.

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Maressa:

are we on?

Natalie :

is this thing on this?

Maressa:

thing on. Is that going to be your entry every single time?

Natalie :

I don't know. Maybe for?

Natalie :

the first couple until I get tired of it, but I swear every time I do that I feel a little bit like britney spears in the movie crossroads where she's like is this thing on such a good movie?

Maressa:

such a good movie. Well, we don't messed up, guys.

Natalie :

We did

Maressa:

did not record in chicago, like we said we were and

Natalie :

the reason for that is a couple of reasons Lugging all of this stuff, the microphones, the laptop, the podcast recorder.

Maressa:

It would have been a lot. It was a lot, but we're going to talk about Chicago.

Maressa:

We will While we're here,

Natalie :

yes, so welcome to Dumped and Divorced. My name is Natalie

Maressa:

and my name is Maressa

Natalie :

and we are sisters,

Maressa:

we're sisters and this is our podcast.

Natalie :

Yes, welcome. Okay. So Chicago, chicago, we went last weekend as our annual birthday trip.

Maressa:

We've done it every year since our breakups, and so it's been a new tradition. So 2023 was our first year, and so it's going on year three. Yeah, so we went to Chicago. We've never been, actually, I've never been, you have

Natalie :

, I went for like a conference for unique, which I was like a makeup business, yeah you did an MLM forever ago, but anyways, yeah, so it was really fun. It was the windy city, that is true, some truth right there. I mean it was windy. I bought this like really nice fur winter jacket for Colorado and I feel like I needed it more in Chicago than when we were in Breckenridge

Maressa:

When we were there. So it was only really cold on Friday. Saturday and Sunday was like like sunny, but cold. It was still like 20, 30 degrees, yeah, but like with the wind chill, it was like, um, like 17, 15.

Natalie :

When we went on Friday, there was no one at the bean.

Maressa:

No, no one was at the bean, it was totally empty. It was very empty there was.

Natalie :

They had like a little ice skating rink right there.

Maressa:

It was cute. It was very cute. It was kind of like Rockefeller vibes with the tree and the ice skating rink, but it was the bean with the ice skating rink, yep.

Natalie :

So we did. We had some suggestions from some of our friends to go to some places and monuments. So we did Sears Tower

Maressa:

Willis. Towers, but AKA the Sears Tower for the local Chicagoans.

Natalie :

Yep, and then we did Cindy's Rooftop, which overlooked into Millennial Park.

Maressa:

We did a walking and food tour, which I personally loved. The nerd in me thought it was so insightful because I just love learning new things about cities.

Natalie :

You do, you love history

Maressa:

I love history.

Maressa:

It was so funny when we were on the loop cause we took the loop train back to our hotel.

Maressa:

When we first arrived the L line.

Maressa:

The L line. Now I was like this looks like Gotham city and I was like I don't. I've never watched Batman, but you know, I was like I feel like a lot of movies have been filmed here. Save the.

Maressa:

Last Dance, save the.

Maressa:

Last Dance, the V dance, save the last dance, the vow batman. Yes, I think a fast and the furious scene was there from that like cool architectural building, the the like corn and the cob looking building off of the river. But we and so like when she said that I was like huh, interesting, I've never seen it. And then in our tour guide he was like that building is where christian, uh bateman bait bail bateman, that's a different one.

Maressa:

Christian blank from batman did his Gotham City where he was on, and you were like I told you. But we had the best time because we also ate like true Chicago dishes. We had deep dish pizza, we had a Chicago hot dog and an Italian beef sandwich, and then we ended at the hotel where the brownie was invented and.

Maressa:

I just loved that knowledge because a lot of people are like that's so random and I'm like, yeah, it happened. The wife of the owner of the hotel was making chocolate fondue cake and then like pastries for the people going to the market and then like the 1800s, and somehow it fell and they liked the gooey part and the brownie was invented

Natalie :

yeah, in like 1893, I think yeah.

Natalie :

I don't know.

Maressa:

But we had the best time. We bounced between bars, bar hopped, we went to a couple of speakeasies I love a speakeasy. I think they're so fun. We had a great time. It was a quick birthday trip and then we got back and after we launched our episode one, we've been on this high of everyone being really supportive and loving. We've had family friends reach out to us, um, but we've also had some backlash.

Natalie :

I can understand why the backlash has happened and it's you know. Just to just to continue saying what we said last week we're not here to

Maressa:

talk ill of our exes, talk ill.

Natalie :

Um, obviously we will protect everyone that we can in this segment.

Maressa:

Yeah

Maressa:

think we were going in a different direction on this episode, but now we're going to address some of those feelings. Maybe Are we. Well, we don't have to.

Natalie :

I mean, what is there to say? People are listening More people loved it than didn't like it, and I think that the reason why they don't like it is because they don't know what, what we have in store, what can be said right. I mean because any hardship, any relationship isn't perfect,

Maressa:

it's going to be divided.

Maressa:

People are going to side and I feel like we've had a lot of cheerleaders on our side, but we have people that are loyal to the other side and there's no wrong in that?

Natalie :

There's not.

Maressa:

We understand that. You know you want to be supportive, but there are those lines where you're like I'm not crossing that line to talk bad about that person. We're just the goal of this and we said this in episode one. The goal of this podcast is to talk about our healing journey

Natalie :

Normalize experiencing hardship.

Maressa:

Totally. And that's the thing is. I think, a lot of the positive, you know, feedback we've gotten is people actually going through broken engagements and divorces and saying like, wow, I felt those things but my friends couldn't relate to that because they were just being supportive of me. But we're being supportive of what you've gone through and feeling that way of you know being sad and you know not understanding where your life is going to go from now, because you and I had both long-term relationships and we were focusing on the good. I was, you know, focusing on my future with my ex and that obviously was taken away and there's no future anymore and that's fine. But I think it's acknowledging that you had this idea of what would happen and now it's no longer there, and how can you move forward from it?

Natalie :

Yeah, I mean. Breakups are hard and breaking up relationships, whether it's an engagement or a marriage, is part of life.

Maressa:

And a lot of people go through it. And just no one likes to talk about it.

Natalie :

And it's not like we have a huge following where we have millions and millions of people listening. I mean we were impressed with our numbers and again, thank you so much to everyone who tuned in and felt like they were a small part of our story, that we kind of became a part of your story, that we were, you know, connected and sitting down on a couch with a glass of wine and having these girl talks this girl talk.

Maressa:

Yeah, well, and I've even had, I've had coworkers that have shared our podcast because they're like I have a girlfriend that was going through a divorce, or I have a girlfriend that was in a long-term relationship with her significant other and is having a hard time. So we, again, the goal is to make you feel seen and also know that you're not alone. We're going to stay classy. We're not going to muddy any waters

Natalie :

no, muddying of water,

Maressa:

we are not and we're not even really going to focus on them. No, we're going to focus on us because, again, we have had so much growth individually, the amount of growth you've you've had.

Maressa:

Natalie, I'm so impressed and I think so highly of you because, out of your situation, yours was the toughest, because you have a family at stake and you've been so and she's getting emotional. Um, because you've been so strong and you have every right to feel all of those feelings you felt. So I'm so proud of you and we're just here to talk about that and our growth and how much we've learned about ourselves, because if it wasn't for my ex breaking my heart, I wouldn't be who I am today.

Natalie :

Um, you'd probably just be like I'd be.

Maressa:

No, you'd probably just be like a snooty wife that didn't want to work and then just moseyed around.

Maressa:

I wanted babies so bad I wanted to pop babies out immediately. And then, actually so random, I saw a friend. You guys know I'm in my early thirties and I've had some questions about freezing my eggs and that's like a terrifying topic to think about. But having a family was such a big thing for me and I've had some questions about freezing my eggs and that's like a terrifying topic to think about. But having a family was such a big thing for me and I can't wait to be a mom and I do feel like that was robbed for me. In a sense it was.

Maressa:

And now I'm getting emotional. But I know my time will come and I know getting pregnant in your mid 30s is not uncommon anymore. But I saw a girlfriend I knew from college that froze her eggs and she's my age and she has this story and like I can't wait to just reach out to her just to pick her brain, because she's again my age and she was like I was confident in knowing that. I told myself that at the age of 30, I'm not having a family.

Maressa:

I want to freeze my eggs because I don't know what's going to look like in my future and she said she had a fight like based and this is based on her Facebook post. She said that based on her like OBGYN, she kind of had a fight with her but then they ran tests and they realized that she does have fertility, like issues, and she's like I'm so grateful. I stuck to my gut and had that conversation and push for my like the future of my family and I was like, wow, so that kind of moved me. I was like, should I start?

Maressa:

freezing my eggs

Natalie :

and the thing is is like getting pregnant is actually it's when we grow up and we start, you know, experimenting with

Maressa:

having sex partners

Maressa:

We know I'm not a prude guy. A prune, oh my.

Natalie :

God, uh, when, when you're young and you start learning that and experiencing that for the first time, like your parents are, like you can get pregnant yada yada, and I'm sure that maybe when you're younger you're, you're higher fertility. I have no idea.

Natalie :

I have no, I, we are no medical doctors or scientists,

Maressa:

but I would love to know what my eggs look like.

Natalie :

But that's what I'm saying. Like, as the older you get, your fertility does decrease. Yeah, does decrease, and that's so wonderful that she advocated for herself.

Maressa:

Right I'm, I cannot wait and I like, told myself. I read the post and I was like I'm going to text her.

Maressa:

Um because.

Maressa:

I just I would love to know like her process and she I mean, it's essentially like I have girlfriends, I've had a girlfriend that gone through IVF, so I know like the process of all the shots and stuff. And so she kind of elaborated a little bit on her post but but yeah, like I was like whoa that's crazy Cause.

Natalie :

I think I mentioned it to you a couple of years ago.

Maressa:

Mom's like I want my, I want babies. And then I'm like what about Chad?

Maressa:

Chad can have babies too, yeah

Natalie :

Well when I mentioned it to you, you got like really upset.

Maressa:

I got upset because, yeah, well, I literally envisioned. I mean, my ex and I talked about our family, we talked about babies, we talked about how many babies, baby names, and so it sucks that that was taken away from me. Not that I can't have that, but I'm not in a relationship right now.

Natalie :

Um, so here's the thing Anytime you start envisioning your life and whether you settle or not cause we settled, we did you still envision your future, right? I mean, I, I did say last week that I settled. However, because I settled, I have a beautiful family. I do. I do, and you know what. Like, okay, get it together, natalie, I'm okay with that, like I've. I've accepted that, that the love that my kids give me is all I need in this chapter of my life right now. That my kids give me is all I need in this chapter of my life right now. And it wasn't the end goal to get divorced, but I did marry and I did have kids and I do have my wonderful children because of that. So me saying I settled is not a reflection on anything about the foundation and the family that we created.

Maressa:

That's extremely mature for you to say.

Natalie :

It's just that we were not good for each other, and anyone that knew us as a couple probably could relate to me saying that or understand why I'm saying that one way or the other.

Maressa:

Well, and this kind of goes back to what we said in episode one about being naive and falling in love and not knowing what we wanted, and I think you kind of elaborated a little bit more, like you. There's nothing wrong with what happened, like y'all's future was, was there, or you guys got married, had a family, but you guys weren't made for each other.

Maressa:

And.

Maressa:

I truly believe that when you are looking for a partner, you do look for your soulmate and that missing puzzle piece, and sometimes you want to think that that person is it, but it's not.

Natalie :

You try to make it work

Maressa:

you try to make it work so much Because I'm thinking back on had my ex and I continued and got married, we would have still had that broken foundation of the issues that was led to us breaking up and I think I would have a thousand percent walked away from my family. I would have lost my relationship with my parents. And I also think the scary thought of had I lost my relationship with my parents, like what that would have looked like when dad got sick. So I'm grateful that I was he walked away from that relationship because that was not my choice, like that was his choice.

Natalie :

Yeah, but it gave you those extra years with dad where you were with him a lot.

Maressa:

Yeah, totally, and I am grateful for those years. I wouldn't have wanted to walk away because I wanted to make that work. So again and I've mentioned this before like I'm a hard lover, I love hard and I, you know, will do anything to make my partner happy. So it's just saying that we always want to make things work and we want to love people. But that doesn't mean that it's okay to feel like you are stuck in it. Right, you can walk away.

Maressa:

You can walk away if it's not doing good to your heart or if you feel like you're getting, or if you feel overwhelmed or you're feeling pulled in a direction like your gut feeling is never wrong. And I have realized that I've had multiple gut feelings over the years of me being in my relationship and even in the wedding planning. It was such a fucking nightmare, Gosh, like now, like thinking back of everything and again, I might dive into those details later. But we pivoted on this episode because we want to address that while we've been so, so happy with the support we've received, we've also received some backlash and we just want to address that.

Maressa:

Again, we're not here to speak bad

Natalie :

One thing that I do in on, to kind of focus on is those boundaries, the boundaries, absolutely right? So, thinking back on even mom and dad's relationship and mom might get a little, hopefully I'm gonna, I'm not again. I'm not saying anything as an attack, I'm not saying anything as a a direct hit, right, but back in the 80s, back in the 90s, people I don't know, we probably need to pull up divorce stats.

Maressa:

Oh my.

Maressa:

God, we should, we should.

Natalie :

I feel like before it was based on cheating or like huge scandals.

Maressa:

Yes

Natalie :

might have been the base of divorce, but I feel like now even people that I went to college with or high school with that have married. A lot of people are just separating because they are no longer good for each other.

Natalie :

Yeah, and that the compatibility issue.

Natalie :

Yes, and you don't have to stay with someone just because you're married, right? Sure, it makes things a lot easier in the legal piece, in the financial piece, but in your heart and in your mind it's not easy. It's actually harder to stay with someone because of that.

Maressa:

Yeah, and I think too, um, the yeah, the divorce rates. While you pull up some divorce rates, um, also, I feel like our parents generation even though our dad was a little bit older than our mom, even like his generation to our mom's generation, talking about getting divorced was not like a thing, and also talking about your feelings like therapy wasn't really a thing, like I feel like you and I have really really done some work in therapy, you with your situation and me with, just like you know, trying to find myself. Now we know what we want and we're not settling, and that's also why I've just been constantly dating, because I know what I want in a person and dating is fun. It's supposed to be fun. I mean, maybe I make it fun, but you're supposed to laugh at that, natalie?

Natalie :

Dating is not fun.

Natalie :

I don't like to date.

Maressa:

Okay, well, I love to date. I've been on my dating game for a minute and, while I'm not on the apps, I've been interdating with, like people I've known or just people I've met, you know. But something I've learned from my therapy is in, like, my inner work, I've been journaling, I've been focusing on that growth of myself.

Maressa:

It's helped me realize that, you know, our parents didn't talk about their feelings openly and that's always why there's been issues with like marriages, um, and you know you feel like you can't walk away from a marriage because, like there has to be a scandal. And the thing is, is there doesn't have to be a scandal? Um, but then sometimes people lose themselves in their marriage or relationship and they feel like they can't do things they want to do. I think it's like really important to acknowledge that you want to be your individual self, but also your partner's addition, if you will. You want to be who you are, but you also want to have a relationship that's so healthy and the boundaries are just easily communicated and not like causing stress.

Natalie :

I mean, we're no like medical or therapists, so what we say is simply our personal opinion and our personal feelings. I agree with you in the sense that setting those boundaries is important, and I don't know if you've well, you've definitely been on TikTok. But there's all these like TikTok accounts about generational trauma and breaking curse, not breaking curses, breaking generational gaps and starting over. So I feel that in today's world, we're moving more towards that.

Natalie :

Yeah.

Natalie :

So episode two, this is just going to be an episode of our feelings and our headspace.

Maressa:

Yeah, we were in a really good headspace episode one and we were excited.

Maressa:

Episode two it's kind of rocky, and that's another thing too is we're going to let you in in our lives and we're going to walk you through our journeys, but also let you know what's happening currently and how we are trying to navigate that, because we again are wanting to make this about our growth and, while I could talk a lot about mine, your growth, yeah, yeah, yeah, and you can too.

Maressa:

I think we're trying to stay in a lane that's respectful and we're not crossing that lane. We have a lot of really good ideas of what we want to talk about and a lot of fun events. We'll get there, because this was just a really weird situation where we weren't as excited to film this episode because of the mental headspace we were in, and we're not going to fake talking about something where it's not real and authentic, and I think that's also what people are going to be able to take away from this is they're like, wow, they are being so raw and vulnerable talking about this topic and they're also letting us know that shit hit the fan and a little bit, and we're not like, we're not backing down because we are so. We're like trying to make this more about our girl gang. Maybe some guys too,

Natalie :

so remember when we got our cards read

Maressa:

oh our tarot cards, oh my gosh, yes.

Natalie :

So one thing that I know we're cat, we grew up Catholic and it's very not Catholic. I'm not necessarily a practicing Catholic anymore, but we we had our card reds, our cards read in 23.

Maressa:

Yeah, the year after. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause it was talking about this guy I was currently hooking up with and I was like, oh yeah, well, the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody that is it.

Natalie :

Didn't dad used to say that,

Maressa:

oh my god, ew, oh wow oh,

Natalie :

I feel like he told Chad that

Maressa:

he's probably rolling in his grave right now. After you just said that,

Natalie :

I feel like he told Chad

Maressa:

Well, I've been doing that a couple of times, so yeah, sorry, mom,

Natalie :

But what I'm'm saying, why I brought up the cards, is because that card reader told me that in my heart and in my soul I kind of had I don't want to say a philanthropic concept, but I had something that wanted to create safe space and create a place where people didn't feel like they were alone. Because, like Maressa mentioned, when you're in the middle of life-changing events it's hard to talk about publicly.

Natalie :

Like sure you'll reach out to your besties and your close friends, but none of my like true close friends went through a divorce and I, like, leaned into TikTok, I leaned into Instagram. I I just needed to feel validated that my feelings were like normal.

Natalie :

Yeah, and that you know I couldn't not listen to my gut anymore, which?

Natalie :

I do.

Maressa:

You made that decision for you and your family and you are forever grateful for it, because you know, I think, and you made that decision what would have been like my wedding weekend and yeah, so I was literally like going through the motions of I was supposed to get married this weekend.

Natalie :

Oh shit, you were, yeah that was like it was literally that weekend.

Maressa:

So you made the decision that you wanted to, you wanted a divorce, and it was what would have been my wedding weekend, and we were heading. My girls took me to Charlotte and we rallied, um, but, yeah, like, so you decided. And so that goes back to like you made that decision and you were in an unspeakable, you were in a weird spot, but you had no one to talk about. And then you also didn't want to leash those emotions on me, because I was going through my emotions when, like, of what would have been the most important weekend of my life getting married. But you suppressed that and so you leaned in on strangers talking about these feelings and saying, like, you're not alone, it's okay to feel these things, and so we're wanting to do that with other women, and maybe even men too, where they're not alone and like, even though everyone's story is different, our stories are kind of, in a sense, like relatable and we're sisters and we had each other.

Natalie :

Yeah

Maressa:

some people don't have that beauty.

Natalie :

I mean, I remember having to call mom and I guess maybe I called you first.

Natalie :

I don't know,

Maressa:

I think you called me first, yeah.

Natalie :

Like it's almost embarrassing. It's embarrassing too. It's just been an emotional day for me.

Maressa:

I think.

Maressa:

I think it's yeah, this again. This episode was a turn on what we had outlined. I was going to focus on my damn breakup, but it's okay, because you know we're addressing some things, but we're also setting those lines of this is going to be. This is not a hate podcast, this is a love podcast and we want it. We want you to know that you're not alone, and I think I feel like I've said that so many times, but I'm just trying to reiterate because we know that there's some listeners that are going to try to take our words and I don't want to say twist them, but they're not understanding our end goal.

Maressa:

We're just trying to make you feel seen. And if you do feel seen, I would love for you just to shoot us a quick message while we have had friends, like tell us, you know it's great, you guys are doing an amazing job. Like how vulnerable you are to even talk about this. And while we love that, we also want to hear, like the people that are like I was suggested your podcast or I heard about it through a friend and I just want to like say thank you, you know, like hey, like I appreciate you even acknowledging all of these things because it's hard and like no one wants to talk about it, and sometimes talking about a failed relationship makes you feel like something's wrong with you, when in reality, nothing's wrong with us. I mean, sure, like we're not perfect Our exes aren't perfect but we just weren't perfect together. Yeah, and what we're looking for is that perfect mate, the perfect match.

Natalie :

Yeah, the TV show Jack and uh.

Natalie :

Jack and uh, oh my God.

Maressa:

Mel Mel on the.

Maressa:

Virgin River is just like the perfect couple Goal, goal, couple goals.

Natalie :

Okay, so we are. I think that I don't want to say it was a wash, but I think coming off of last week, we had a different. Maressa said we've had a different direction. So thanks for listening in. On today's episode, it was more of our feelings and again reiterating our goals and, you know, just being just being honest and truthful in the most respectful way, and I think that I think that that's important because that's how we are in our real lives. You know, I don't think that either one of us what is that word Like? Talked so poorly about the other individual and tarnish their name.

Maressa:

Yeah, so we didn't I mean gosh, I don't even like,

Natalie :

I don't want to say could we have, because that's not our intention. That is not our intention and it will never be our intention.

Maressa:

No, it will never be our intention.

Maressa:

I mean, some people could be like you have so much more you can say and the thing is is like we're just we just don't have the energy to get that deep, because we're wanting to focus on us.

Natalie :

Yeah, so thank you for everyone who tuned in this week. Thank you for listening to the background sniffles and the background cries, and if we had a camera, you guys would see like the tears running down our face. But we appreciate you guys and if you want to write a review, we would appreciate it. But next week will be better.

Maressa:

Next week will be in a different focus. I think we'll have, um, maybe pivot back to. What we had anticipated for episode two and I also mentioned this last week is we're not pros. We are going to walk through this podcast journey and the healing journey together and I think it's important to realize that when things get you know, mentioned or discussed amongst other people based on our podcast, we will pivot and we will address anything that needs to be addressed and also set those goals and understanding of what we're wanting to talk about, moving forward in all of our episodes, um, and also just focus again on Natalie and Maressa.

Maressa:

Natalie and Maressa, we don't even know anything. Well, actually, I'm not going to say that because you know something about your ex. I know nothing about my ex. So, and we're just going to keep it that way.

Natalie :

Um, you have no connection to your.

Maressa:

I have no connection to my ex, no, but we're just going to keep it that way. You have no connection to your ex. I have no connection to my ex, no, but we're just focusing on us and we're going to keep on saying that because the haters are going to hate and, like Cardi B said in her speech, in 2023, I'm going to do a line.

Maressa:

Our girlfriend sent us a funny Cardi B speech where she literally was just like and for the haters, thanks for listening in, because you want to talk shit about things. I'm saying you know. So if the haters want to keep hating, they'll hate, but the supporters will keep supporting, yes, and we love all of our supporters and our listeners and all of our friends and family, and we are just so thankful that we have been given so much happy and positive feedback from this all and we'll just continue along with our journeys. So thank you and we will see you next week.

Natalie :

Thanks for listening, guys.

Maressa:

Thanks, bye. Are you going to say your toodles,

Natalie :

toodles?

Maressa:

That's going to be your tagline? Deuces

People on this episode

Contributor

Maressa

Host
Contributor

Natalie

Host