Dumped & Divorced

Finding Strength and Solace in New Beginnings

• Natalie & Maressa • Season 1 • Episode 3

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What if the pain of a breakup could be your greatest teacher? Join us as we navigate the emotional labyrinth of heartache, sharing stories from our own lives that reveal how these tough experiences can spark incredible personal growth. We discuss the unexpected opportunity found in new beginnings, setting the stage for a deeper conversation about the transformative power of heartbreak. Learn how we’ve turned to "podcast therapy" to speak our truths and how literature has offered us solace, from popular non fiction books to the enchanting world of romance novels.

Through our journey, we've discovered the importance of prioritizing personal happiness after heartbreak. Transitioning from wild nights out to peaceful "hot girl walks", we’ve embraced healthier habits that have helped us rebuild. We explore how breakups parallel the stages of grief and how a shift in mindset can transform heartache into empowerment. By focusing on self-care, new hobbies, and supportive friendships, we’ve navigated the path to self-discovery and emerged stronger.

In this candid conversation, we also delve into the healing power of books, highlighting how stories can mend a broken heart and renew our faith in love. This episode is a heartfelt reminder that while breakups can be painful, they also offer a chance for growth, connection, and even a good laugh. Join us as we celebrate the small things that leave a lasting impression and embrace the power of storytelling in overcoming heartbreak.

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Natalie:

Okay, having this set up and the microphone on this side definitely helps. Okay, we are live and we are on. So, hi guys, welcome to dumped and divorced. Hi, my name is Natalie,

Maressa:

my name is Marissa

Natalie:

and this is our podcast

Maressa:

and we're sisters.

Natalie:

We are sisters, yes, so this is episode three um of our newly launched podcast, where we just talk about life after heartbreak and our healing journey and our healing journey.

Maressa:

Yes, yes, because we have both been through it and if you've listened to episode one and two, you kind of heard a little bit of our story, how us, as sisters, basically went through two hardships together in the same year. Yep so, but this episode I really wanted to focus on the actual breakup and the term breakup.

Natalie:

Okay, you've been thinking a lot about thinking a lot about breakups.

Maressa:

but before we dive into that, I just want to also note I sound so snuff, like sniffly and congested because of this damn weather. We've been getting it. We got a teaser in Georgia of like a spring, like we had a really nice weather like two weeks ago, and now it is freaking gold and I bet you all of our family and friends up North are probably laughing at us, thinking 30 degrees is freezing, but it's very cold. So I might have to like have some sniffles. And it's not cause I'm emotional, it's just cause I'm freaking congested.

Natalie:

Yeah, last week was the emotional week.

Maressa:

Last week was the emotional week this week. I'm not emotional, I'm just stuffy.

Natalie:

Yeah.

Maressa:

So I sound like nasally and I don't want to be that girl that, like her voice, changes in the podcast.

Natalie:

Oh my, gosh, it's going to be 21 degrees and then 19 tomorrow.

Maressa:

Yeah, we were supposed to get some flurries, but like it wasn't, like it wasn't cold enough to become snow. But snow in Georgia is literally like drizzles

Natalie:

In New York it's the same weather patterns 18 and 20, and we're 21 and 19. So, so cold, so cold.

Natalie:

Anyway. So

Maressa:

Well, that's why I wanted to let everyone know that I sound nasally, because if you're like what is wrong with Maressa's voice, it's because I'm dang stuffy.

Natalie:

Well, we're going to talk about just you know, originally when we started this thing, and every week we're not going to discuss what we kind of talked about last week, because I think that'll get redundant and lose interest. But I know that when we started we wanted to dive deeper into our stories and we might, but I think that this is just um our way of podcast therapy.

Natalie:

Let's call it I mean

Maressa:

Ooh, I like that, I like that a lot. Okay, like, instead of therapeutic, it's podcast therapy.

Natalie:

Yeah Well, and I'll be honest, I have not been to the gym this week, so my sauna thoughts hasn't happened and those who know know that I pour my heart into your sauna thoughts.

Maressa:

I actually think that your sauna thoughts was essentially your journal of your podcast. You were like. I really enjoy sitting in my thoughts and thinking about this while I'm sweating my guts out at 194 degrees I get so claustrophobic.

Maressa:

I hate it. I can't sauna for more than like 10 minutes. But you and Chad are like hell, yeah, let's do it Like over Thanksgiving break when we went up to Pennsylvania, yeah, when we were at our cousins hey, fam, shout out to our family in Pennsylvania, cause we know you're listening and we love you but we saunaed and y'all were like cold plunge, cold plunge and sauna and I was like I'm no no, thank you.

Natalie:

It's something about just putting out your words and just releasing them.

Natalie:

So I got the book uh, let them, the let them theory by Mel Robbins

Maressa:

Gibson, wrong, wrong actor or podcast person. I mean, why did I go there? It's like a man versus a woman. I totally. First thing, like last episode, we talked about Christian Bateman and Bales or Christian Bale, and you said Bateman, and here you're, like Mel Robbins, and I said Mel Gibson, yeah, we're off on the butche,

Natalie:

butchered it but I got that book and oh yeah, I'll be honest, though it's still sitting like I bought it.

Natalie:

it got delivered last week and I hadn't meant I think I'm going to audio book it Cause those, like nonfiction books, are really better to have like audio.

Maressa:

Yeah, like I think of it like a podcast, cause I do listen to her podcast and I also listen to girls got to eat podcast and they had her as a guest and I just really enjoyed hearing her speak. So I think, that an audio book would be a lot better than like physically reading. But I'm such a physical book early, like you know, I love to just sit and don't bother me and I'll read my smut.

Natalie:

It's so annoying.

Natalie:

So annoying.

Maressa:

I love it. Do not disturb,

Natalie:

I created a monster.

Maressa:

You created a monster. You got me reading.

Natalie:

Maybe this is what this episode will be just about Like words because Words of affirmation Well, episode will be just about like words because words of affirmation Well, thinking about even after rediscovering myself right, I don't want to keep referring it to as like the breakup or whatever. So, even after rediscovering myself and kind of restarting a new chapter, I really leaned into books. Like books is kind of what it awakened me in a sort and

Maressa:

well, hold up it was.

Maressa:

it ends with us that book by Colleen Hoover and that that book, like is holds like near and dear to your heart. We have tattoos based on that book. Yeah, our cousin gave us the heart tattoo for our birthdays. Um, but that book kind of helped make you realize that it ends with us.

Natalie:

It put a lot into perspective and I

Maressa:

freaking, smearing it all over the movie and all that crap.

Natalie:

I know the Blake.

Natalie:

Justin saga but drama but um, but what I was getting at is books and words kind of just heal me and uh, quotes and stuff.

Maressa:

So yes, I, uh. I love a good book that just makes you like fall into that character and realize that you're not alone and that you can do hard things and you can get through it, and there's always a happy ending on the end.

Natalie:

Yeah, well, you had some things that you were mentally journaling slash brainstorming, yeah.

Maressa:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this episode, like it's so funny because Natalie and I, you know, come together to record these episodes and we have ideas of what we want to talk about. We also don't want to like script anything, because we want it to be very conversational and cause again, natalie and I did that a lot, like we would talk endless hours on what we were going through. We would be with each other. We spent a lot of time together.

Maressa:

Um, there's no telling how many times I just showed up at her house after my breakup and just was like give me company, be with me, and so I was thinking I really wanted to hone in on breakups and just the breakup itself, and I had some shower thoughts. Um, and I know that's probably like, but I mean it's on par for me because I've had some people like joke and they're like so we've realized that you're the outspoken, kinky, crazy sister and Natalie is like the big sister that everyone wants, and that's very true.

Natalie:

Well, I'm also a mother.

Maressa:

You're a mother, that's very true. I'm not. No, I do want to be a mother

Natalie:

but I have to take that into consideration

Maressa:

So but so I really wanted to talk about saying you know, there is no better time and this is me. I hope that whoever's listening if this resonates with you this is me putting my bestie hat on and just having girl talk with you and just like pumping you up but there is no better time than after a breakup that you are more committed to yourself, to your healing, to your healing journey, to your love, to your happiness. And all of a sudden, you are the only person focusing on you. And I think that's so important because in my previous relationship I lost myself because I was so focused on him and then I was like, no, I want to focus on me, like I want to focus on my happiness.

Maressa:

And so you have all of this time for self-love, all of this time for yourself. You also have so much more time and money because you're not spending it with your significant other and you're just. You have that ability and time for self-reflection so you can really go over the breakup and the relationship and you could sit and say what did I like about that, what didn't I like about that, what do I want to carry with me into my next relationship? And those are questions. You just have to think about what do I not want to carry into my next relationship and what will I accept, what won't I accept? Those are things you think of like you actually say what am I going to tolerate? And you are literally working on yourself. You are going to the gym, whether it's your sauna thoughts or me working out.

Maressa:

I felt like I took a turn in my workout.

Natalie:

Didn't you pause your gym membership for a little bit

Maressa:

with my ex?

Natalie:

Yeah

Maressa:

, no, no, I never paused my gym at membership,

Natalie:

but like you, did like the, the three classes a month or something, or the limited classes, and now you're unlimited. So you're spending a lot, you're scheduling and you're putting in more time.

Maressa:

Yeah, totally. Um, I did like so where I worked out at the gym. It was like eight classes, 10 classes are unlimited. And I think when I was like for money purposes, I did the cheaper option and it was eight classes and now I'm unlimited.

Maressa:

So, yeah, I did kind of bump back to spending more money on back to spending more money on me,

Natalie:

yeah, and it's and it's not like you're out going and like blowing money at luxury stores or I mean, yes, you definitely go on trips, but like you still all like most of your shopping comes from Amazon, you you're not like before. Previously it was like Nordstrom rack or Nordstrom,

Maressa:

oh my gosh.

Natalie:

So that is what I mean, Like you've kind of pivoted how you spend your money. Um, because I think that you were also trying to keep up with the Jones

Maressa:

and the image he wanted me to have

Maressa:

Yeah, that's pretty fair, that's pretty spot on. But with me going to the gym, I was making myself feel good. I was eating healthier. There was a time where I felt like I had my party phase and there's nothing wrong with that, but that was like my fun phase but I was eating healthier. I was going outside, I was taking Bentley on walks.

Maressa:

I used to call these my hot girl walks and, um, I would either listen to podcasts or talk to my friends and just like get that fresh air in your body.

Natalie:

Oh yeah, hot girl summer Hot girl summer.

Maressa:

Hot girl summer.

Maressa:

Summer 2023 was my wild hot girl summer era, and there's just so much fun stories.

Natalie:

Maybe we can sprinkle some in some stories.

Maressa:

We could, we totally could. I could say the hinge in Spain was chef's kiss. That was fun. But I was going on those hot girl walks, I was seeing my friends. I was traveling to see my friends. I was traveling to destinations that I went with my ex to like forget him, like I wanted to replace memories of places I've been with him because I just wanted to focus on me. And I was seeing my friends. I was traveling, I was taking up new hobbies and you're just filling your time to make yourself happy. And this is where, like my mic drop, maybe light bulb moment came in the shower in the shower.

Maressa:

Mind you in the shower. I feel like you wanted to take that dirty.

Natalie:

No, I didn't. They talk about this in movies all the time, like I had this business idea in the shower, you know like it's. It's kind of where you allow yourself to mentally escape.

Maressa:

Yeah, just think, yeah, and that was exactly what happened. I was like in the shower, and so, if you are looking at this the right way, a breakup can actually be very good, great, amazing, whatever verb you want to use.

Natalie:

That is not a verb.

Maressa:

Did I say verb.

Natalie:

You definitely said verb.

Maressa:

I meant Adjective.

Natalie:

Adjective.

Maressa:

Oh my gosh. Lesson of the day Marissa is not a language arts major or a teacher.

Natalie:

Or a teacher.

Maressa:

Yes, good, great, amazing Verbs, not verbs, not verbs Gosh.

Maressa:

Oh my God,

Natalie:

quick lesson A verb is an action. An action Adjective is a descriptive word, right, I'm pretty sure.

Maressa:

Okay, so, whatever, whatever I was describing, you threw me for a loop. Natalie, good, great, amazing, you take that opportunity and you seize from it.

Natalie:

You seize the day,

Maressa:

you seize the day. Yes, love that,

Natalie:

Okay, yes, so that's. You came up with that in the shower.

Maressa:

Yeah, I was very proud of myself. I am so amazed that that all came to me and I just felt like it was so heavy on my heart where I thought to myself this is going to be some good podcast content,

Natalie:

10 for 10. I'm impressed.

Maressa:

Dust off my shoulder. Yeah, girl, girl. And for me. I just remember thinking to myself wow, because I am such a better version of myself now and I'm so much happier and.

Maressa:

I'm healthier and I feel like I'm confident in myself and not that I didn't have that in my relationship, but it was hindered, it was like almost shadowed, and I'm so focusing on me and I think that's where all of this positive energy and happiness came from, because I just kind of gave no fucks, like I was like, whatever I'm going to focus on me, do me and have a hell of a good time with it, and that was where my mentality kind of shifted to like not being sad and mopey. It was more of what can I do to make me happier?

Natalie:

Well, without saying you know, turn lemons into lemonade and, honestly, like when you go through a hard time, a breakup, uh, any sort of pain of the heart, you can either stay there. For me, breaking up is similar to grief, right, and I say that because when you lose somebody, you have to kind of go through all of those stages and I don't think that you can fully get to the next one without processing the one that you're currently in. Yeah, absolutely For me. When I separated from my ex-husband, I was given um resources, and those resources included stress management sessions along with weekly trauma. It's a therapy session right.

Natalie:

Like a therapist that focused on trauma, so, and that's who I still see now and I don't know where I was going with that. But

Maressa:

You're talking about grief and the stages,

Natalie:

yeah. So so through that I learned you know you kind of have to work through everything and, as you're saying, like you changed your perspective from like heart heartache and sadness and depression into fuel, to power, where you want to go right, because if you don't change your mindset you're just going to live in that forever.

Maressa:

Yeah, so you're not going to move on, and the thing is is sure, like you have every right to sit in that sadness. I think it's absolutely normal. And another thing, too, is I feel like everyone handles it differently because, for example, there could be times where, if you were still in contact with your ex hypothetically and you see or you hear things like you're still friends with each other on Facebook or Instagram and you could see things, and then you see them going out and having fun, and then you think, how are they doing that? How are they okay? Like, why are they moving on?

Maressa:

But the thing is, is you gotta shift that mental thought and say I deserve this too? Like I need to move on, I need to focus on my friends and family, I need to do things that make me happy, and I think that's what I leaned in the most. I leaned in my friends and I leaned in my family, and I have never felt so loved and surrounded by people that were really helping me get through this. Like it wasn't something I was able to do on my own. I had a support system that really helped me realize that I'm worthy of it.

Natalie:

So I know that you and I both figured out who people

Maressa:

were their true colors were showing.

Maressa:

Oh my gosh.

Natalie:

Well, in the sense of our friends right, like those that really were our true friends, stood by us, like, just listened to us, wiped our tears, you know, came over and drank a glass of wine, whatever it was. But then there was other people who either got annoyed with us or shifted things into life and their problems and their complications.

Maressa:

So, like they, were almost like I don't have the capacity to deal with your stuff because I'm dealing with mine, and it feels like they were like throwing their stuff on you, right,

Natalie:

yeah, yeah, I mean I've.

Natalie:

I lost some friends.

Maressa:

Oh, I lost a handful of friends.

Natalie:

Yeah, and in the time that I was friends with that, those individuals, specific people I thought it was true friendship, you know, and it was like it was a genuine friendship and I know that they cared about me and I cared about them. But it's those times where your life literally comes crumbling down and even like when dad died too, like your friends stepped up. I mean they, they did so much for us, my friends stepped up and did so much for us.

Maressa:

We had yeah, we had an army literally meals, flowers, just everything it was.

Maressa:

It was really moving Right and those are.

Maressa:

And it's also too like. I think I came across like a post where it says you won't forget the people that helped you get through a hardship, whether it's breakup or grief like loss of a parent, but you also will never forget the people that don't reach out. And that also kind of stuck with me because it it makes you realize that you're like you could do the simplest thing of just checking in and saying I'm thinking of you, where it like doesn't hurt, you know. And for me that's kind of where I knew the friends that I was going to keep forever, because I've had my same group of friends in various stages of my life. I've had friends from high school, middle school, elementary college, post-college, and those are like my group pillars of friends that have been there for me in both my breakup and dad's passing. And then there's the people that you know, that they knew but they didn't say a damn thing and that's just crazy to me, but it shows who they a yes girl, I'm such a yes girl.

Natalie:

Like you say yes to everything.

Maressa:

I don't think I've said no to what look, I mean I've, I've pumped the brakes, but there was a time in my life where I didn't say no to a birthday party, a dinner, a bachelorette, a wedding,

Natalie:

a shower a couple shower, a stock, the bar shop, whatever it was.

Natalie:

whatever you got an invitation to, I was there, you went and

Maressa:

I just love showing up for people.

Natalie:

I know, I know, um,

Maressa:

and then people showed up for me and I very much appreciated that

Natalie:

and those that didn't, I think, and that, like you, were there for them.

Natalie:

Yeah, I think that you, you cut your ties in a healthy manner, because I'm somebody that I would rather have a small circle, and that's how you and I differ a lot, like I always give you a hard time in the sense of you having so many like close groups of friends. I mean, I have my college sorority sisters and then a handful of high school friends who I keep up on the regular, and then like one or two adult life friends, um, but that's enough for me.

Natalie:

That's enough for me.

Maressa:

You're like I can't keep up with all of your friends groups that you have. No that for me.

Natalie:

You're like I can't keep up with all of your friends groups that you have. No, yeah, I can't. So I'm proud of you for starting to focus more on you and what you are able to give people, because I do feel that if you give everybody everything, then there's nothing left for you, and I think that your breakup helped you realize that too.

Maressa:

Very true, Very true. And I, I'm just doing things that make me happy. I am, you know, just picking up things like those hobbies I mentioned. I started reading. I'm training for a race, which I will hopefully give more info on that soon.

Natalie:

Is it happening.

Maressa:

Well, I have to complete,

Natalie:

like some pre-bids or whatever yeah.

Maressa:

Yeah, I have to complete something, but once it's happening, you know I'm going to freaking announce it on here.

Natalie:

I'll be on the sidelines cheering for you because

Maressa:

it's a goal of mine.

Maressa:

It's a lifetime goal, but I won't talk about that yet because I want there to be a little surprise or suspense. But I'm just doing things that I didn't do when I was in a relationship, and so I definitely want to hone in on that right. You know, taking this opportunity to truly better yourself and I think that resonates with anybody, like anybody who understands what it feels like to go through a breakup or any hardship, right, I feel like this even can relate to us grieving our dad. You just have to go through those emotions, but you also deserve and can be selfish and say I want this for me and I want to be happy.

Natalie:

So I'm going to kind of pivot the conversation, and more so for, like, I want to kind of give something I did when I went through my separation. We've talked about books and we've talked about, you know, hobbies, but I I think like, if there's any listeners that might be going through a hard time they might not even realize they're starting to kind of bargain the the breakup Right.

Natalie:

I don't even know if they heard that, like I don't know if it was just in my ears, but if you didn't just hear that, that was it. Marissa hit a button on her podcast recorder and it just played. It was literally like funky town, Like I'm so sorry.

Maressa:

I was trying to unmute myself because I felt like I was having the sniffles and I didn't want you guys to hear my sniffles and so I was muting myself.

Natalie:

Okay, well, hit the button with the microphone. I thought I was hitting the button that says a cause, I guess track a is gives you some, gives you some funky music, yeah.

Natalie:

So what I?

Natalie:

was saying is like books, like if you're someone that oh, I mentioned bargaining Because that's a stage of grief, it is, it is and I think I don't know Again, we're not doctors, we're not professional therapists, this is just. You know our personal feelings but I feel like even before you break up with someone, you start to go through, you bargain yourself. Well, like, looking at the stages of grief, the first three are denial, anger and bargaining. Yes, right. So I think that you could start those stages before you officially break up, which is why it leads you to break up A thousand percent. So if you're in that stage, then some of the books that helped me get through it was um, what is her name? Damn it. I should have had this pulled up.

Maressa:

Um, is it like a love story? Untamed Untamed I did. You did tell me about that book.

Natalie:

Glennon Doyle and like she was married to her husband for many, many years, had multiple children with him, and then she just kind of woke up and she was like I don't want this yeah.

Maressa:

And which that is like huge right, like you think like wow, what led her there? She was probably in the denial for a very long time

Natalie:

she talks a little bit about it.

Natalie:

She was. She was like an alcoholic. I do believe it's been like three years since I've read that book. I read that in December of 21. So about six months technically, before I even asked for my divorce. But that's a huge book, right. So maybe I'll make like a little story of suggested books.

Maressa:

Yeah, I think we should do like a story on Instagram where we talk about books that we read that helped us, because we both did read healing journey or healing books and then we dove into, like the rom-com, the lovey dovey.

Natalie:

Yeah, and then rom-coms definitely helped heal my heart. They like, helped heal my broken heart,

Maressa:

helped you not be a bitter bitch.

Natalie:

Yeah, and I wanted to believe in love. And I'll be honest, like I'm in a stage in my life that dating is not something that I'm focused on and I don't really have any interest to date. So you know, reading those rom-com books, and. I'm not talking about like the smutty stuff which I do also love some good smut but like even Because you know I. Well, your smut is like warning trigger.

Maressa:

Mine has trigger warnings.

Natalie:

No, um, my smut is, like you know, tessa Bailey. Um, who else is a good smutty? Abby Jimenez, yeah, like those, like those smutty or books, but yeah, right, I mean you're sort of like

Maressa:

mine are like all dark book covers.

Natalie:

What is?

Natalie:

that called BDSM.

Maressa:

They're essentially dark romance and it's just very, very messed up.

Natalie:

It's like 50 shades of gray but darker.

Maressa:

That's what it is, and the funny thing is is I literally read those that series. I ate it up when I was in college and I'm like, wow,

Natalie:

bdsm. That's what it is BDSM, Bondage, discipline, dominance mission,

Maressa:

the fact that you're actually spelling it out for the audience.

Natalie:

Well, I mean it's 50 Shades of

Natalie:

Grey.

Natalie:

remember when those books came out, yeah, and everyone was like like had an uproar about them, but anyways. So back to words, and here we are talking about books.

Maressa:

But you were talking. Actually, I do want to like mention, because you mentioned, the three stages anger, denial, anger and bargaining. I 100% can attest that that was what I was going through in my breakup. So the week leading up to my breakup, we had an argument about money with the wedding. Mom and dad were not able, they were not going to be able to pay for the full wedding and that caused an uproar which, to some, you're probably scratching your head like seriously, but anyway, um, I'm not going to elaborate on that because it's just what's done is done. But we had an argument and I remember I was in such denial because he was like I need some space, I'm going to leave your apartment that week. Yeah, you were so weird that weekend.

Maressa:

I was unwell, I was in denial. I remember going out to dinner with one of my best friends and I can replay the dinner where I was like Jen, I don't know if we're going to get married, and she was like no, no, marissa, absolutely not. It's just a fight, don't worry, it's just a fight. I was in denial because I was just. It was that denial because I was just. It was that defense mechanism that was protecting that shock Right, and you have that period where you just refuse to accept that reality.

Maressa:

And then, leading up to when he walked in my my apartment door and says I do not want to get married to you, and then he had the audacity to tell me to leave my apartment so we can move out of my apartment. I remember and that was when I took off my ring, slammed it on the counter and walked my happy ass out Um, I was in anger. So that was that second stage of anger. I was so angry. I was like, seriously, you know, we're four months out of the wedding, this is bullshit. Um, and that is when the reality sets in and you're faced with the pain of the loss, and I'm literally like in the pain of the loss of my relationship.

Natalie:

And that's your like bargaining?

Maressa:

No, that was my, that was my anger, okay. And then I'm entering into my bargaining where the next day we ironically had a call with our wedding coordinator because we were four months out. And so I'm thinking maybe I can bargain. And I was like it was just a big fight, like this won't, this isn't happening, this isn't true. But no, he was set in his ways and was like no, this is it, like we're done. And thank God for my wedding coordinator because she was the liaison on that call. And I remember we had communication that week of our breakup because we had to tell all the vendors that the wedding was off.

Maressa:

But that bargaining was. You just dwell on what you could have done, right, I was dwelling on what led to that argument. Could I have prevented it had I been able to tell him in advance, hey, budget is kind of going over, my parents can only pay this much. But you know, like maybe we should talk about this and you just fantasize on what I could have done to make it right. And that's that bargaining. That's literally the bargaining phase. That year I'm in and I feel like I was in the bargaining for a little bit, right.

Natalie:

And then but then I think that's when it stops. Then I think that you have to have like cause the next depression, I know, but I think that well, I was very upset, but at this point did he break up with you already?

Maressa:

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Natalie:

That's what I'm saying. I think that the first three you can feel and go through pre right, like the reason why you break up with someone or someone breaks up with you is because they've had those feelings, like they've already kind of worked through.

Maressa:

Oh, my ex was working through that that weekend. He left me and I was just crying myself to sleep

Natalie:

Right and then and then you, you like, have the breakup and then you're stuck in depression.

Natalie:

Yes, right, like cause, you're not sure, you're mad and it's a, it's like a wave and you're going to go back. But I think depression is kind of like the first. It's the fourth stage of grief, but it's like the first step of feeling fucking depressed.

Natalie:

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

Maressa:

and I remember what a week later it was my fucking birthday.

Natalie:

Yeah, no no, two like two

Maressa:

no it was literally nine.

Natalie:

No, it was my birthday and then it was your birthday.

Maressa:

Right, but not even a week later. Happy birthday, Marissa.

Natalie:

Like a week and a half it was the 16th to the 20th,

Maressa:

the 17th, the 17th to the 26th nine fucking days of misery, depression. That was my depression and I was on my breakup diet where I ate nothing and I think I lost like 15 pounds and I was like damn hot girl summer. I'm looking snatched. But yeah, that's that depression and I, I literally, you know, reading it you're like okay, and then you're in that acceptance, which is the fifth one, and that's when you're tell yourself you accept the loss and you're ready to move forward.

Natalie:

And.

Maressa:

I think that is where I focus on that positive, the happiness where I shifted and I thought I said I'm going to take this opportunity to look at the breakup as a blessing and the best thing that could happen to me, because now, looking forward so many things that have happened post breakup, it would have been so different had I stuck with him and I wanted to stick with him. I actually probably wouldn't have stayed in Georgia, we would have moved, for sure we would have moved. Yeah, I mean, it was just one of those things where you realize that things could have been different. So, wrapping that up right, kind of coming full circle of this topic, where we really focus on that breakup, is that if you're going through this, it is okay to feel those emotions, feel those feelings lean in your family, lean in your friends.

Natalie:

Yeah, and like I always say, right, like you just need to kind of sit in emotions. So I'm somebody that when I get overwhelmed I just kind of what movie was it? When you make yourself small,

Maressa:

you recluse.

Maressa:

Oh, this is I'm thinking like inside out, like the kids movie.

Natalie:

No, there was a movie.

Natalie:

This is I'm thinking like inside out, like the kids movie. No, there was a movie when you make yourself small, yeah, um, oh God. Or maybe it was a book, I don't know. Oh, it was a TV show. Anyways, it was something that I either watched, read or heard recently that they were just talking about like God, what was that? And I was going to pop. I think it was a book. Downsizing was that? And I was gonna pop. I think it was a book. Downsizing it was a book. It was the Abby Jimenez, just for the summer, remember that

Maressa:

oh my god, such a good book.

Natalie:

I love that book well and yes, because she?

Maressa:

um. The plot was like she was dating a guy and her ex left her and then, like the person he was cheating on got pregnant and she really wanted a kid, and then they got pregnant no, just for the summer.

Natalie:

Just for the summer is the one where the two girls are the nurses and then they travel. And then she was like the good luck.

Maressa:

So that was, that was yours truly. I said yours truly yeah, that was yours, which is book two of that series.

Natalie:

Yes, so anyways, just for the summer. She talks about getting small and I didn't realize, like people, actually that's what that was called. But like, reclusing yourself, making yourself small is okay, you just have to what you said lean into your family to get yourself out. But yeah, so I think that that was a good episode. This is a good episode.

Maressa:

We just talked about the breakup and the reality of breakups and those stages of grief which can very much so be going through in a relationship or in any lost life, yeah,

Natalie:

so one thing that we do want to ask you is, if you're going through this and want to connect with us on Instagram, send us a message. Connect with us on Instagram, send us a message. You know, we'd love to continue to just be somebody there for you. Absolutely, because going through hard times is not easy and, yes, you have support. But, like I said in another episode, none of my girlfriends are divorced. I'm literally the first one and hopefully the only one, but you know, it's just. I can't say the same about myself. I know so many people that are divorced. I'm literally the first one and hopefully the only one, but you know it's just

Maressa:

I can't say the same about myself

Maressa:

I know so many people that are divorced. Well, maybe I don't know, maybe, maybe you guys lucked out Like maybe there is a wave of my college friends.

Natalie:

I don't think I, yeah, I mean, like my close circle nobody is. But we're here for you and we would love if you guys are enjoying our podcast. We would just ask that you follow the show and you leave us a review and tell your friends about it, right? I mean, this is a project. We're doing this for free. Obviously. We don't have any ads or sponsors, but you know, we we want to just continue to build this community and we know that there are people out here they're listening, so we just want to ask you to show us.

Maressa:

Like, share, reply, reach out, review, all of the things right, because we know what it's like. So Natalie and I had each other, but there's some people that don't have that. Like, yes, they have friends and family, but, to Natalie's point, we can empathize a little bit more and deeper with those feelings and we just want to be there for you. And we also want you to understand that you're not alone and that we are happy to be your podcast bestie.

Natalie:

Yep, and then what we'll do is, after the release on Friday, we will put a little like comment box in our Instagram stories and if there's any topics that you want us to talk about, definitely type them up, send them in, and we would love to, you know, kind of use that as an opportunity to episode ideas,

Maressa:

yeah, and just to dive a little bit deeper on specific topics that could be relatable to what we've gone through.

Maressa:

So thank you again for tuning in. Um, we hope you enjoyed this one. This one kind of was again came from the heart, and it is one of those things that we understand can be hard to talk about. So like and subscribe, leave a review and we will see you next week.

Natalie:

Yeah.

Natalie:

Thanks for listening, guys.

Maressa:

Bye

Natalie:

Toodles.

Maressa:

Oh my gosh, you really are going to like lean in onto that. Well, your friend, I love that. One of my friends texted me a meme the GIF, the GIF.

Natalie:

Yep, the Toodles,

Maressa:

the Toodles of Snow White, snow White.

Natalie:

So now it's just now, it's stuck Toodles guys.

Maressa:

Natalie's going to be the

People on this episode

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Maressa

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Natalie

Host