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Dumped & Divorced
Love is the greatest thing ever...until it isn't. When two sisters experienced relationship trauma through a broken engagement and a divorce after almost a decade of marriage, hosts Natalie and Maressa learned to lean into each other to make it through a life changing time. Dumped & Divorced is a space where they will talk about life after heartbreak and the redemption through it all. A space where you can come to hear stories about the hard stuff. In hopes that you feel less alone in any hardships you might be facing. Tune in weekly as we tackle topics of healing, rebuilding, self-love, and finding strength in the aftermath of life’s most difficult moments. Follow the show on Instagram @dumpedanddivorcedthepodcast
Dumped & Divorced
Breaking Free: You Are the Architect of Your Joy
Breakups can leave deep emotional scars, but what if you could turn that heartache into power? In our latest episode, we invite you to a candid conversation about resilience and reclamation after experiencing loss in relationships. Inspired by Mel Robbins' transformative work, we delve into how taking control of your life is essential to emotional healing.
We share key insights and relatable stories that underline the importance of recognizing what we can and cannot control in life, especially when it comes to other people's actions and emotions. With honesty and openness, we address how heartbreak can spark profound self-discovery, leading to pathways of growth and empowerment.
Listeners may also empathize with our discussions surrounding comparison and self-worth, two common struggles many of us face in today’s social media-driven world. As we unpack these concepts, we encourage everyone to prioritize their healing journey and focus on what truly brings them joy.
Join us as we explore practical tools for personal empowerment and growth. Subscribe to our podcast, engage with us online, and share your own experiences. Healing is a journey we all navigate in our unique ways, and we’re here to support each other every step of the way!
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Welcome back guys. Welcome to Dumped and Divorced. Dumped and Divorced the podcast. This is episode. Is it episode four? Now, yeah, it's episode four. Okay, so we've been doing this for about a month now, give or take. I mean, there was like that second week. So my name is Natalie.
Speaker 1:And my name is Marissa.
Speaker 2:And we are sisters. We are sisters and welcome to our podcast where we talk about life after heartbreak Okay, so let's see here. I feel like I'm really loud. No, you're not Okay. I feel like last week we got the setup down and now we just. I feel like we need to write little numbers on like where the settings are, the dials, okay.
Speaker 1:So I'm not like buttoning again and have fun. Oh yeah, that was so. Maybe each episode we'll drop a button. We're learning about this podcast Machinery.
Speaker 2:Podtrack P4 by Zoom Not sponsored. Nothing is sponsored.
Speaker 1:No, we're not there yet. So last week we talked about books and how we were able to leverage books to help us in our healing journey, and we posted on Instagram a couple of books that both Natalie and I read during our healing time, and Natalie mentioned Mel Robbins the Let them Theory book.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because it's going viral right now. Yeah, did it just come out or she's just now going on tour with it, so I'm thinking that it's a fairly recent book. Yeah, it was published Christmas Eve, okay, so definitely a couple months in, I mean hey, we should look into going to her tour. It's not coming to Atlanta, dang yeah, it's like Boston.
Speaker 2:Let's look into that. That'll be cool. Yeah, so I got the book and, like I said, it was sitting. I don't know. These non-fiction books are definitely harder for me to dive into because it gives you that sense. Oh, chicago.
Speaker 1:We're now going to make this about all of Mel Robbins. What's your favorite book tour? Yeah, she's going to Boston, toronto.
Speaker 2:Chicago. We were just in Chicago. We've been in New York.
Speaker 1:Yeah, New York and London Okay.
Speaker 2:Nonfiction books for me are harder. I always used to say I would read like five fiction books. So that was my goal Read five fiction books, then read a nonfiction right To kind of give me some lessons and some reality and some pep talk, even though it's a book that I wanted to read. Nonfiction is just kind of harder to dive into because you have to focus, you have to kind of like take the feedback and the advice that you're essentially going to start naturally thinking about. So I got the audio too. I subscribed to Audible. Thinking about so I did. I got the audio too, subscribe to audible and I'm about halfway in. Okay, a lot of good stuff. Now, basically, the whole concept of this is it's essentially just talking about how you are the only person in control of you, someone that is. Have you ever done the color the red, yellow, green, like the personality? Have you ever done that? Yeah, I did it for work. What color are you? I could see you're definitely a yellow, didn't we want to do this as?
Speaker 1:a family.
Speaker 2:We did, we did.
Speaker 1:Like mom and dad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that would be good. I'm definitely a red which is more of like dominant authoritative controlling. I'm a thousand percent irate.
Speaker 1:You're not in control, you go away and shit it's a problem. Yeah, it's a problem.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we've gotten in like not arguments, but like bumped heads because of it and I'm, like it, kind of go with the flow vibe, which is definitely more like yellow. I mean, it's been a couple of years since I've focused on that, but what I do know is I'm definitely a red. Not being in control of something gives me so much anxiety, whether that's work, whether that's personal life, whether that's dating, whether that's work, whether that's personal life, whether that's dating, whether that's love, whatever it is. If I can't control the outcome, then it's not a good day for me. Like, the stress is there, the anxiety is there.
Speaker 2:Well, anyways, back to Mel Robbins. She talks about how the only person that you can control is you, someone that is a red personality or red temperament. Control is a strength, but it's also a weakness. That's fair to say is a strength, but it's also a weakness. That's fair to say, right? So this whole book just talks about letting other people that you can't control do what they want to do, and I think that when I started this new phase in my life, like me and the kids, I realized that obviously.
Speaker 2:I have no control over so much things that I tried to control. It talks about reclaiming power Okay, so much things that I tried to control. It talks about reclaiming power, okay. So there's one chapter specifically that definitely kind of stopped me in my tracks. What does it mean? You realize that that's you. Well, it's about realizing that you can't control other people and that you're only responsible for your happiness and your peace. And that is the second part of her theory. Right, like, let me. So let them do what they need to do and let me focus on what I need to focus on what I can control.
Speaker 2:So one of the chapters was talking about someone else's emotional reactions, okay, and how adults throw temper tantrums and how the right decision often feels like the wrong decision. So the example she even wrote about in the book talks about someone that is engaged and about to be married, but started to like hate the idea of getting married. And Mel was like break up, right, like, if you, you're like, you already know this listener it was on her podcast, wasn't necessarily asking for her feedback or for her opinion, but her whole thing is like, if you already have these feelings, control what you can control. Yeah, right. So the the fiance I think it was a guy he was worried about what his family was going to think, what his fiance was going to think, what their friends were going to think, that's yeah.
Speaker 1:I can relate to that yeah.
Speaker 2:And, like I don't know, it just hit me because if you live your life worrying about what other people are going to think, then your life is going to be unfulfilled.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, and there was a time where, during my breakup you know we mentioned this last week of the stages of grief like bargaining, anger, depression, there and there was that time where I was questioning some things, right, but I was pushing through because I thought I've been with this person for so long, we've committed each other to ourselves. I fantasized and made it seem like we had this perfect life, when we didn't. And I did think to myself what happens if this doesn't? Ironically, I had a thought of what if we don't get married? Then I pushed it aside because I didn't want to actually manifest that and, yeah, oh well, it did. It happened. Granted, that was his decision. Again, this wasn't my decision. And there was thoughts that I was like what are my friends going to think? What is going to happen with everything going on, with the wedding planning? Like I'm going to feel like a failure. So this person you know saying that when Mel says break up and he's like, well, what are what?
Speaker 2:are what was my parents going to think? What are my friends going to?
Speaker 1:think what you know. Yeah, Like it goes to. No, you control what you want to control, which is you yourself, individual.
Speaker 2:Well, and then, like, take my situation, for example. I've mentioned in our first episode that I felt like I settled in my relationship. What I was questioning 10, 15, whenever that was, I can't even 10 years ago ended up happening Right. So I think that is what she's saying that you have to control what you can control and you need to stop allowing other people's emotions be a pivot or like a compass how you take direction in your life, for you to make your choices. Did that make sense?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it does, and I mean even I feel like growing up. You know, when you're a kid it's like you have bullies or you have people that pick on you and you know people are saying stuff. We'll let them. Let them do that, you know. Let them say those things because, in the end, it's who you are as a person, how you feel, what are you doing to make your life better and what are you doing Like treat others the way you want to be treated, and so you know this book probably can help a lot of people going through any sort of healing journey because it's more focusing on you as an individual.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's stating that you need to take back power over your life and stop letting other people guide it. And then, most importantly, it's a chapter that I just I kind of stopped on before. Obviously, I have a whole second half of the book that I have to read, but it talks about comparison and how comparison just steals joy, and so many people Compare lives.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and Like timelines.
Speaker 2:Yeah, timelines, relationships, houses, works, jobs, vacations, ladies. Yeah, it's a joy stealer, and this book definitely is a good book, and I think that the audio is going to be. If you don't listen to audio books, this is a great one to kind of just listen to in the car and pep yourself up, because that's essentially what she's doing in this is reminding you that you have the power to change your life.
Speaker 1:So and I feel like you did that. You made that decision. Yes.
Speaker 2:And you changed your life. You're probably going to be mad at me that I'm saying this, but I don't know what you're going to say no, you don't, Cause we didn't really prep a lot before this episode, making these hard decisions Right.
Speaker 2:And then this goes back to I said uh, untamed by Glennon Doyle was another book that I read, and her whole, her whole like motto and concept is you can do hard things, yeah, right. So ending relationships is hard, and I'm not saying that I praise your ex for doing it but you are, I'm not no no, I'm saying that it took a lot Like so you're giving him somewhat of like a hey, good job, because you doing that was probably extremely hard for you.
Speaker 1:Are you giving him that?
Speaker 2:benefit. No, what I'm doing is I'm stating that you guys both understood the direction that your relationship was going in, and he was the one because you've yourself said you wouldn't have left. I wouldn't have left and you would have stayed. I would have stayed and you would have gotten married and you would have gotten divorced, or you would have lived a life that was so unfulfilled with unhappiness on the inside that this is just who you are. You would have pretended like everything was okay. But it's not just you, so many of us do it.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of people that are not happy in their relationships or marriages and they're just like I can't leave Birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas Like I'm so great. New year.
Speaker 2:Every sort of holiday there is to like brag about your significant other. They make it seem like they have the best relationship and that is like people like for us, for example, who we aren't in relationships, makes it seem like we're the failures. Right. But I want to say, because it took him strength to say you know what I'm thinking of me and we're going to end this it gave you the ability to find your new life, so because of him making that decision, it essentially helped your future.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess you know looking at it in that lens true. There's a lot of truth in that, yeah.
Speaker 2:And that's what I'm saying. Don't think that I'm like praising him, because I think that how he did it and the timing of it, the reasoning the fight. Yeah.
Speaker 1:The way it transcribed the way it happened. It was shitty and it sucked. Yeah, could have it been differently and handled differently, absolutely.
Speaker 2:But you know he was essentially doing that for not only himself but for me. Yes, like in the end you, it was a hard couple of months, it was a hard season of our life, but in the end it brought you so much more peace.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're a thousand percent right, and I've mentioned this before Like if it wasn't for him breaking my heart, I wouldn't be who I am today. Yeah, and I like full, wholeheartedly believe in that, like in the end, you know, everyone says like everything happens for a reason, and sometimes you think that that's like such a big overused phrase, but I actually think there's truth to it. When you look a little bit further and, like the sense of, I'm trying to understand why you're now thinking, okay, this happened for a reason, because this was a building block for another place in my life or another road that I'm building.
Speaker 1:You know, like that fork in the road where you're like which path do I take? It's almost like you're creating your own path and you're creating your own path of happiness, you know, finding yourself developing new things, whether it's hobbies or reconnecting with loved ones. Because I also I had a conversation with one of my close high school girlfriends that we lost touch and we came back because she was very supportive with me and my you know breakup. She like kind of came back.
Speaker 1:I don't want to say she rose, like came back from the dead but we just lost touch and essentially she came back during that time and she even made a joke. She was like you know, I'm kind of glad he broke up with you, because that brought us back together and I don't know why we lost touch. But now you're back in my life and you know things are better than ever. So, even rekindling friendships or losing friendships right, we talked about this too Like I lost a couple of friends in the process and there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1:But sometimes you just have to cut your losses and be like is this bringing me joy? What is this giving to me? You know, is it something that I see myself leaning on or supporting, with that new person in my life or with that person out of my life? So, yeah, I mean, yeah, I was not expecting you to say that, but I could see where you're coming from, like looking at it in a different lens, in a sense, where you're like it sucked. But hey, you know, maybe what he went through was also tough in his like individual self, where, in the end, we're both happy as like broken up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, have you ever read any of Stephen Covey's books? It's more like corporate stuff, no, so in one of the trainings that I did for work, they talked about I think it was like seven habits of highly effective people it talks about, or maybe not it was one of them, but it was mentioning about paradigms, and do you know what a paradigm is? No, it's like how you view things, kind of think of it as a lens, and they gave like multiple examples of, let's say, somebody cuts you off right when you're driving down the highway and it's because they just found out that somebody is in their hospital and they have to get there, like it wasn't to piss you off, it wasn't to be malicious, it wasn't to you know ill intent, it was because there was something going on in their life. So Mel talks a little bit about that and I can't remember what it is and I thought I clipped it but I can't find the clip.
Speaker 2:But it essentially is that how people view or go through life and you being able to try to understand that and I feel that we've gotten pretty good at trying to remove ourselves and looking at things at a bird's eye view I think that it definitely is something that takes practice and not victimizing yourself right Throughout all of this. None of us victimize ourselves. Yes, we said that it sucked. It sucked that we went through what we went through, but never in it did we let that situation, that event, that heartbreak turn us into people that just kind of viewed themselves as victims. So I don't know, this book is great. I'm excited to finish the second half of it and I think that this is one that probably is one that I'll listen to audio frequently.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, no, and I think you made a really good point how you're like we are getting better at understand, like removing, taking a step back and being like okay, let me. Let me assess the situation, because we were in that and I think that's where we worked on ourselves in therapy, you and I, both individually we're we're now able to handle situations so much differently because of how we went like what we went through and how we were able to grow from it. So I think you know you have this thought process of okay, let me understand what they're feeling, let me be empathetic and let me feel those emotions for them, but also let me see how I can view it in a different eye, like view point of view, and what I can do to give like advice from what I'm seeing Right, and so I think this book you're saying is also helping you kind of like take a step back and be like wow, I realized there's a lot of things in this that I could take away and better myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah so when, I started going to my trauma therapist, so I think I want to just point out there is a difference between a counselor and there is a difference between someone that specializes in trauma. And there's all these additional things like the. What was it that your friend was talking about?
Speaker 2:The like something with the eye eye movement I don't know where there's all these additional trauma therapies that focus on diving deeper into the trauma, but one thing that I talked about with mine continuously was about the brain's response to being in fight or flight, right? So after any sort of event that leaves you kind of in the unknown, you're in fight or flight mode, and when you're in fight or flight mode, you're not supposed to stay in there forever. Okay, so like, for example, you get into a car accident, right?
Speaker 1:It's triggering to get in a car or drive somewhere.
Speaker 2:Well, your brain realizes there's something wrong and it puts you in fight or flight, Like when I turned 16 and I was in the car with a friend and we were driving down one of the back roads. No, it was 136. Me and my friend were listening to Nelly and we were jamming out and there was somebody that was driving in front of us and was making a left-hand turn Okay, and I didn't see it because it was right there on a bend and I jammed the shit out of them at like 16. It was my second wreck and you this was the first time that you got in the car with me you were 12. Like, okay, if I was 16, you were 11.
Speaker 2:And yes, and I was jamming out with my girlfriend to some Nelly or Usher or whoever it was. Why did you say it like that, usher? Yeah, usher, I know his name is Usher, but he's like Usher. However, what I instantly did, is it like it blacked me out for a second and then I made sure my friend was okay and then I like instantly got out of the car and got you out, cause you were, you were kind of like, paralyzed of fear. Yeah, I mean, it was a pretty like. I mean the airbags got deployed. So it definitely was. It was my 2003 Ford Explorer, but the airbags deployed and I know that like airbag that showed the impact of it.
Speaker 2:So in that moment, my fight or flight came in Right. So it's something called your amygdala. It's like an almond. Have you heard of it? Yeah, I have heard of that. Actually, in the brain, in the brain, it's almond and it's like in the in the middle of your brain. But what that does is it triggers you into realizing that something is wrong, that you need to get your shit together and you need to like reevaluate. Yeah, however, and then, like after the wreck week, you feel you felt like sick, right, because you had just so much anxiety, so much stress, like holy shit, all these feelings, it was because that fight or flight was still on. It takes time for that To like die down.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, totally.
Speaker 2:So you know, I went through something where there was a situation and my fight or flight kicked in, yeah, and in my life now, like today, no. But I've lived through something like that and for a while, like after this happened, I was numb, like in that period of my life was just make sure that I, my kids, were taken care of, but then I was like a zombie because I could not get out of that. So I was working with my trauma therapist to kind of retrain my brain that everything's going to be fine. But staying in that fight or flight just causes more stress, more anxiety, like it actually makes you sick.
Speaker 1:So I remember, after you know that event you were you very much, were a zombie, yeah. So I remember, after you know that event, you were you very much, don't worry, yeah. And I remember thinking to myself what can I do? You can't, but I can't.
Speaker 1:But then I was also like again I mentioned this like you, your events happened around the same time of what would have been my wedding weekend, and so I was still processing my feelings and emotions, and I was numb too, and we were both just like these numb characters, but yours was like another level. It got to the point where, you know, you acknowledged all of these things happening and that you are working on it, but you didn't realize it was happening in that moment.
Speaker 2:Well, and that's why you know, I was given my stress management sessions, because the only way to get out of the fight or flight is to reduce your stress. So when I tell you, mom would text me and be like you know she didn't say this. But, for example, let's say something like did you, you know what was? What'd you make the kids for dinner? I'm like butter, noodles and bacon and eggs. Um, you did the bare minimum. Minimum because that is all I could do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, all I could do, and you were also a single mom at this point.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh yeah. I mean I was adjusting to my new life, but it's it's learning how to cope with that and learning how to pivot. So for me, the sauna and going to the sauna and like sweating out all my toxins and kind of like sweating out all the negative emotions too, is needed for me to kind of stay in my zen right. So even now, if there's anything like triggering, like dad's, when dad passed away I found myself in a state of just depression and I know that's normal and I know that you know it's grief and that's one of the stages.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But like, it's how you get out of that brain fog, it's how you get out of you said brain fog.
Speaker 1:It sounded like you said brain fuck. At least that's what it sounds like on my end Brain, brain fuck.
Speaker 2:Okay, brain fog at least that's what it sounds like on my end brain, brain fuck. Okay, brain fog. You know we're just, you're numb, yeah. So I think, um, I'm excited to kind of just finish the book because it'll continue to give me tools that I could keep using, absolutely, and you're still seeing your trauma therapist, correct? Yes, I see her probably like once every couple of months.
Speaker 1:I mean we scaled back a little. I.
Speaker 2:I have scaled back and there was a time where I where we thought maybe we would graduate me. I don't really understand that. People I've seen like posts on Facebook and stuff where they're like I graduated therapy. I don't think I ever want to graduate therapy.
Speaker 1:No, it's an it's. It's something you have to consistently do, I think, and you could also have multiple types of therapists right, but I do think that I might need to switch yeah. I do have like a regular like counselor, therapist, yeah.
Speaker 2:Because my life right now is pretty neutral, like there's nothing. It's plateaued, it's very flat, it's very level, it's very balanced, like the scales of my life right now are very balanced.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it took you a while to get there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, but I think you know, I think talking with someone about your life struggles and helping you learn tools to guide you and to help better yourself, because if you stay in that, and if you stay in that like fight or flight, you're going to just live a life of like stress and misery and everyone around you is just going to feel all of that too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, totally I, um, I agree. And I do think, at one point too, you even mentioned comments about how you thought I was becoming a different person in my relationship, and apparently Natalie this is a little fun teaser which I am slightly not like happy to talk about. No, I was going to say Natalie essentially one day wanted to resign as my maid of honor, I, I will, we.
Speaker 2:we should find that text message where I really called me a bitch.
Speaker 1:You were like fuck off.
Speaker 2:I mean, we say that like we say that in joking like bitch, come here.
Speaker 1:No, no, you were angry, I was pissed, you were so pissed and, like you, essentially resigned as my matron of wine. I did, and you even said you were like you're changing, like you are changing, you're trying to become this person, like you're so obsessed with the idea of becoming this idea, or keeping up with the Joneses, that is what I always used to tell you, you literally always said keeping up with the Joneses. You've got to stop keeping up with the.
Speaker 2:Jonesins, you wanted to. I also remember telling you that you felt like you were regal and you were deserving of.
Speaker 1:Natalie humbled me in a lot of ways, guys she was. Sometimes her approach was a little intense. But you know, you've mentioned to me over time that I was changing, and not for the better, I was changing just because I was becoming just a brat.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean I think you know I am somebody that I don't live in la la land, I don't live in fantasy land, like I'm a very much a realist and I can thank my ex-husband for that because I did live in la la land, and that is something that, when you compare our relationships, my relationship- in your relationship no, well, like us, us growing up, like in our 20s, and we found our partners.
Speaker 2:My partner at the time helped me realize that life is fucking hard, right, like the life that dad gave us is not common, right?
Speaker 1:not saying that we had all this extra stuff, but we did live a comfortable life we did and we to some they might have called us like spoiled yeah, because where we lived, but we did live a comfortable life. We did, and to some they might have called us spoiled yeah. Because where we lived, what we did in the summer. Right, you know things that not all families do.
Speaker 2:No, I mean hell. I can't go to Disney every year. I can't take my kids on an international trip every year and Dad did that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he took us to Spain every summer. Yeah, he took us to Spain every summer, yeah, so Until we then were in college and they're like you pay for your own ticket.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but still like, if we would have wanted to go, we he probably would have helped make that happen. But what I'm saying is is that up until I was probably in my mid twenties, early twenties, I lived in that land Like everything's going to work out. You know, like even thinking about paying for our wedding, dad was like we'll figure it out. And I don't know how he made it happen, cause I got my car repoed and we had a huge deposit all in the same day and it was my dad was paying for my car, right? He never he never made us want any. But there was a situation where my sweet little coupe car got repoed and I walked out of my apartment to go to my big girl job and I was like where's my car?
Speaker 1:Dude, where's my car? Oh my gosh, there's like the scene. Where's my?
Speaker 2:car, yeah. And then you know he was like are you sure you know where you parked it?
Speaker 1:Yes, your ex yeah, and then Of course, making you feel dumb.
Speaker 2:It's kind of. I mean, who would have thought that a car would have been repoed?
Speaker 1:And that sounds like some like early 2000s shit. I totally forgot that your car got repoed and it was because dad forgot to make the payment and he was too busy paying your wedding right.
Speaker 2:Well, in his head he would make like double payments. So instead of like, let's say it was $300 a month, he would pay $600. So in his head, he prepaid for the next month. But does it work that way? It does not. Now that we all have car payments, we know whether you pay 300, which is the minimum, or you double, make a double payment, it's not. You still have to pay the following month, and this happened, like a couple of times. So he got a bonus or whatever and he paid a good chunk and then he didn't pay for several months and then my car got taken.
Speaker 2:But back to living in La La Land. So I realized and I think that I'm very grateful for that now that I understand that life is hard, that life isn't butterflies and rainbows, that you're going to struggle. Yeah, like, unless you're just full of wealth or a trust fund or just have generational wealth, it's going to be hard. And for you this is why I kept telling you that you were changing, because I was living in a house where I was being told we don't have money for that, we can't afford that. You were over here like planning a bachelor and an international bachelor, and I'm a new mom with a husband, and I'm like bitch, I can't fucking afford this.
Speaker 2:And you were like Natalie, this is my wedding, I'm only going to get married once You're my maid of honor Like making me feel bad. And that is when, after a little bit, you wanted like these showers and these things and all of these like monogram not monogram, but all this like extra stuff. That wasn't going to be cheap. I was paying for that, though, wasn't I? No, you, you were expecting like okay, maybe, okay, let me. Let me go back, cause monograms was not really a thing, monograms was for you, yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, so what you were doing instead, if that's when the huge like balloon um arches come, those big like Marquette, marquette, marquis, numbers and letters, and you were looking at like these fucking influencers who were getting their wedding paid for, and you were like this is what I want. And I'm like, oh, okay, so that is what I meant, that you were just becoming a diva royal. I mean, your fuck, your wedding was going to be black tie. Black tie wedding doesn't mean anything, I mean. I guess it just means it's classier, it's fancy and when you're.
Speaker 1:When you get an invitation to a black tie wedding, you're like fuck, I can't wear like a nicer church dress like like I have to get a, like a long gown, I have to get a fucking gown, okay, well, also, natalie, let's go back to mom and dad. They had had holiday, gala, christmas parties, black tie Christmas parties at the house, okay, so talk about setting the scene Like that's what I anticipated as a party. You know, a wedding. Make it black tie make it bougie, as fuck.
Speaker 1:I will say yes, we were going way over budget, but technically our budget was going off of your wedding budget because mom and dad said we're only paying what we pay for Natalie Blue flash. You got married 10 years before and your wedding was Pinterest E Mine was just influencer.
Speaker 2:I had a Pinterest wedding and you had an influencer wedding.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's where we were going. That's exactly where we're going.
Speaker 2:So we were making it work, but then there was things that was going over budget and like a fucking band.
Speaker 1:Mom wanted a band for mine and I was like mom well, yeah, I wanted a band and a DJ. Yeah, like a band for one part and then the DJ for the next. Too much man, Too much. Well, but kind of coming full circle right. Going back to the let them book, you know you really wanted to. There was obviously. You took some notes on how you wanted to emphasize, on how this book is helping you realize some things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, if you're a reader or commute to work and after you listen to our podcast I would sign up for like a free trial on Audible because they always have them Sounds like a sponsor. And listen to the Mel Robbins this let them theory, because it's more than just those two words. It's actually pivoting your brain and your mindset to want to do the work, want to be better, because you are the only person in control of your life.
Speaker 1:So absolutely, I agree a hundred percent. And I also think too, to wrap this up, kind of coming full circle, saying that healing is a journey and everyone is experiencing it as a journey, and you soon realize what you've gained, what has changed and we kind of elaborated a little bit on that and understanding that you know you must learn to witness and heal independently. So doing so it allows you to have that emotional balance to mend the situation and the relationships in your life. So I think it comes back to the main question of what are you going to do? You know how are you going to heal and what are you going to take away from it.
Speaker 1:That's really good. Yeah, thank you. I've been having some fucking mic drop moments. I mean I will say like I'm truly leaning in onto this healing journey because it took me a while to get here and I just want to, you know, be that support to people who might be feeling like they're unsure and a funk, because it sucks and you just kind of wonder what's next and what are you going to do. But just work on yourself and focus on that and I think in the end everything will work out it will.
Speaker 2:So one thing that I think we should start doing, because you had that question can you leave that question up? Yeah, what every week? Maybe, before we wrap up, we can say what we did to heal this week. And it can't be. It needs to kind of be specific. So, for example, I can't say I went to the gym, I went to the sauna and I wrote out my thoughts, because we already know that that is what I need to do to have mental stability, like mental clarity.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so what did you do this week to heal? And I'm going to say, reading this book right, like this specific book and taking away I have both the audio and the hard book and I'm going through and like listening, but then also going back and like highlighting so that is what I did this week and trying to lean into that, let them. And then let me, let me focus on me. And it's funny because when you think about it, you've probably already like, if you're in a good mental space, you're, you've probably already been doing that. Yeah, right, like a couple of weeks ago I went through some hard stuff and I just blessed and released, blessed and released it and continue to just focus on me, focus on what I knew I was doing and my piece? Yeah, what about you?
Speaker 1:Well, you know.
Speaker 2:I sprung this on you.
Speaker 1:You did spring that on me. Well, cause like I feel, like mine, is ongoing. It's not just like this week, it's literally ongoing. Like, what am I doing to better myself? What am I learning from it? You know, and now that we're being more vocal about our breakups and things we did to overcome it, you know you sit in your thoughts and you think and you kind of replay situations or scenarios and you ask yourself those questions what did I do? You know, am I ready to take that next step on focusing on me, or am I just going to sit and sulk? You know you can sulk for a little bit, but then you got to wake the fuck up and move on because life continues. You know, in your case, you were a mom, like your kids were depending on you.
Speaker 1:I didn't have that thought process, so maybe that's why I like was a little bit more in like my funk, because it was just me. I mean like I had my dog, but you know I could consider him my child, but, um, you know, I had to really shift that mentality and it took you a lot of work to get there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it did. It really took me a while to get there and through my therapy and just journaling and letting out those releases and like negative thoughts or insecurities, because I was so insecure for the longest time of like I'm unlovable, why did he walk away? Why couldn't he fight for me? All of those questions I asked. And now I'm like sure, like you even said, you were like I kind of give them props for walking away because it was hard but it still was shitty and it still sucked. But you know, we all were going through it and you just have to take yourself, remove yourself from the situation and like figure out what you need to do to better yourself and who you need to lean in on on what you're doing to do those next steps, because you could say I'm going to do this, this and this, but you have to take actions and I think we've been ongoingly taking those actions over the years just to better ourselves.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, well, I think that I don't know, this was a good one. This was like some good nuggets, yeah.
Speaker 1:Great nuggets Again. We're just here to be your emotional support besties and we will continue on doing what we're doing. So thanks for tuning in, guys. We always appreciate the love and the support like, subscribe, review all the things and we will see you next week. Yes, have a good one, guys. Bye toodles.
