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Dumped & Divorced
Love is the greatest thing ever...until it isn't. When two sisters experienced relationship trauma through a broken engagement and a divorce after almost a decade of marriage, hosts Natalie and Maressa learned to lean into each other to make it through a life changing time. Dumped & Divorced is a space where they will talk about life after heartbreak and the redemption through it all. A space where you can come to hear stories about the hard stuff. In hopes that you feel less alone in any hardships you might be facing. Tune in weekly as we tackle topics of healing, rebuilding, self-love, and finding strength in the aftermath of life’s most difficult moments. Follow the show on Instagram @dumpedanddivorcedthepodcast
Dumped & Divorced
Why I'm Not Ready to Date Again and That's Perfectly Fine
Getting knocked down repeatedly by life's challenges can make even the strongest person hesitant to open up again. This deeply personal episode explores the courage it takes to protect your peace when everything seems to keep changing.
Natalie vulnerably shares her hesitation about dating after divorce, revealing how therapy has helped her process the past while focusing on co-parenting three children. "I'm strong enough in all my relationships that if I have a feeling or instinct, I am emotionally and mentally stable enough to have that. But in beginning dating relationships, you're getting to know someone and trying to break through those barriers—and I don't think I want to do that right now."
The conversation flows naturally through boundaries—not just in romantic relationships, but with friends and family too. Both sisters agree on the importance of "friend breakups" when connections no longer serve you, likening these boundaries to the filter in Finding Nemo that slowly contaminated everything when it stopped working properly.
For listeners navigating co-parenting after divorce, Natalie offers wisdom gained through experience: "My biggest piece of advice would be to have patience and try to be the bigger person. When tensions are high, things get ugly. You've removed the love piece, so it's really hard to be objective." Her suggestion to stop taking things personally becomes a powerful tool—"It wasn't towards me, it was towards the situation."
Whether you're healing from heartbreak, setting new boundaries, or simply trying to stay afloat when grief keeps hitting in waves, this episode reminds us that protecting your peace isn't selfish—it's essential. As Natalie beautifully concludes, "If you stay objective, stay the course and keep your peace, it will get better."
Ready to hear more about rebuilding after loss? Subscribe now and join our community of listeners finding strength through shared experiences.
testing, testing one, two, three and I said I wouldn't do that anymore.
Maressa:But my god, you literally said that you wouldn't.
Natalie:And here we are, six episodes later, and you're still fucking tapping it's because we've just spent two hours trying to figure out the audio situation, so before we started I wanted to really make sure this was good and gold you're like I'm gonna fucking tap the shit out of yes okay, at least I didn't say is this thing on?
Maressa:That was a one-time thing. That was literally a one-time thing.
Natalie:Okay, well, welcome back to Dumped and.
Maressa:Divorced. We are two sisters that talk about life after heartbreak. Yep, my name is Natalie and my name is Marissa, and this is our podcast. Welcome back, guys, to episode six.
Natalie:Episode six. So a couple of things that we want to start off with is, after we recorded episode five, we got a notification on our podcast platform. Sending us a notification Duh Natalie.
Maressa:Like a banner on your phone.
Natalie:Well, yeah, it's a little notification saying that we hit a milestone, right. So this platform lets us know all of the background statistics that one could be interested in knowing about.
Maressa:It's super, super thorough and a lot of data, A lot of data which.
Natalie:I love and I know you love. But they told us that we hit 1000 downloads, so we are well over that now. But we just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone. Thank you for the listen. Yeah, so we, we appreciate you guys tuning in over the course of the last couple of weeks. You know a lot of you guys start at episode one and I've kind of listened to our stories ever since.
Maressa:So with that, natalie even said last episode I'm ready to go. We were talking about seasonal depression and getting out of that and how we were excited for springtime and now it was like I'm so excited to get back out, go to Barcelona wine bar. And Natalie manifested the shit out of that because on Friday night we went to Barcelona bar to celebrate our little milestone of a thousand downloads and, like Nellie said, at that point we were obviously over it but we still wanted to celebrate that. So we had a nice little night out in the town.
Natalie:Yep, and we drank gin and tonics at Barcelona. If you've never been, it's such a cool spot. It's got great food. It's got, obviously, wine, but our favorite, what we always go for. We don't do the sangria, obviously wine, but our favorite, what we always go for. We don't do the sangria, we don't do the wine, do the gin and tonics. We do the Nordes or no is it.
Maressa:No, it's the Galician. Which, Clara, if you're listening, our sister, which she's-.
Natalie:Our sister from Spain.
Maressa:She's our sister from España and she lives in Coruña, which is the region in Galicia.
Natalie:And our favorite gin is from Spain and it's called Nordes and that's the beverage, or, like, the cocktail made with that specific gin.
Maressa:Yeah, cause, the other two gin and tonics have different gins, but this one is specifically Nordes. And it's so funny because Clara, like, claims that it's the more expensive gin in Spain, and she was like, I never drink that. But here we are.
Natalie:We're like oh my gosh, nor this, nor this, nor this well, you can't go to the liquor store here and get it I mean you can, you can but you can't go to the one here in our small town you can't go the one in also the little, but you can go.
Maressa:But you can go in atlanta. Yes, you can get you some. I mean it's at a higher price, but yeah, and that's what I'm saying.
Natalie:Like, well, one time I'd rather smuggle a bottle from Spain.
Maressa:There was a summer. That summer I came back with like three bottles of it in my suitcase.
Natalie:Yeah yeah, just like Beefeater 21. That also isn't really popular here.
Maressa:No, but it's popular in Europe. Yes, Everything in Europe is better the food, the wine, the water life, life.
Natalie:So, anyways, yes, we manifested going to Barcelona. We made it happen. Our brother Chad was like y'all manifested it a little bit too hard, Because then on Saturday we went to the Hawks game. It was like my first Hawks game since 2006. Yeah, and we played the Pacers and I don't even know where the Pacers were from. I know that they're now from Indiana and we won, so it was a good game. And PS I feel like we should just share If you buy standing room only tickets Only at State Farm.
Natalie:Do not think that you're going to have a space like you would at Truist Park yeah.
Maressa:So I think what we were thinking is the standing room at the Braves game is legit, like an area where you can stand and see the field yeah, but the fricking standing room at the Hawks state uh, the state farm, which is where the Hawks play, literally, is non-existent. Yeah.
Natalie:The comedy behind it all is no one knew where to send us.
Maressa:Fuck we were, we got sent everywhere. I think at that rate me, you and Savannah walked around the whole damn stadium. I think we did. I mean we did like a half moon lap and you were getting. You were, I think we were all getting like low-key, annoyed at each other and every time I was like I'm sorry, sir, Like excuse me, do you know where the standing room is? And they'll be like what I don't know Go over there, and then we.
Natalie:Anyways, it was a mess.
Maressa:The second floor, and then it was the first floor and it was a whole thing, so we finally found an area to stand in and watch the rest of the game, but thanks to the jumbotron, where we were able to see it in the last like quarter, we saw the game and it ended up being a freaking good ass game the last quarter because they were winning by like 30 points in the first quarter. And then we roll up and we're like walking the whole damn stadium yep, but so that was a great night.
Natalie:And then I'll be honest. You know I need to invest in some of those liquid ivs or body rehydrators because your girl is just not 18 or 21 anymore or shit, even like 25. So my body you was hurting.
Maressa:Yeah, we.
Natalie:After the game we bounced around a couple of bars we, we were just mixing, mixing, and there's this one bar particular where we will just never again get that drink no, no, they served the most disgusting drinks and I thought it was as good as the gin and tonics that we had at barcelona the night prior.
Maressa:I think you were so delusional that you thought that I was. I was, I mean, and it caused it caused a sister fight.
Natalie:It did you know last delusional that you thought that I was, I was, I mean, and it caused it caused a sister fight. It did you know last episode you said that we had that. It didn't cause any tensions, but we've had to learn to communicate Well. Again we manifested that shit because we didn't talk for like 24 hours.
Maressa:The irony of that where I literally was like, yeah, yeah, we've learned how to communicate as sisters and we're working through the kinks of no, I wanted to bitch, slap you which that sounds very intense for you to say but I didn't obviously you didn't, because I don't think I'd be sitting right beside you if you slapped me across the face.
Maressa:Blame it on the liquor, blame it on the alcoholic. Jamie foxx, blame it on the. That's jamie foxx, natalie, he's an actor. Does he also sing? I don't blame it on the alcohol, is no, jamie foxx. I swear to you, blame it on the alcohol. Blame it on the alcohol don't you guys love my singing. I told you I would sing some more. I'm gonna look this shit up yeah, because I check.
Natalie:I want to say it's like a con or something.
Maressa:No, who is it? Look at Nelly. Who is it who sings that song? Blame it on the alcohol.
Natalie:Jamie Foxx. I didn't realize that he also was a singer, but you know what, like Kate Hudson, she was an actress for many, many years, one of my favorites and now she is a kick ass singer. She is.
Maressa:Well, you sent me like a Instagram of her singing with Dolly Parton at the Opry, at the Grand Ole Opry Opry, the Opry in Nashville, yeah, and you were like holy shit, or wherever, or Gatlin.
Natalie:Pigeon Fort. I don't know where it is. Maybe I don't know it was in Tennessee.
Maressa:Yeah, but you were like who knew that Kate Hudson was?
Natalie:a good singer.
Maressa:But I'm not surprised, because these celebrities, they have agencies that can probably teach them things like giving singing lessons, acting lessons, but that's so funny that you thought I was incorrect and jamie foxx dropped that song and you're literally blaming on the alcohol, and it's so funny. We had a friend with us and she's an only child and she literally said like she was in between us and she was like it's time like these where I'm glad I'm an only child and I'm just mean mugging Natalie because I'm killing her with my eyes.
Natalie:Yeah Well, again wanted to bitch slap you, so I didn't. I did not.
Maressa:Yeah, chad likes to say that we just both have a lot of firework in us, spicy, spicy.
Natalie:Okay, so let's talk about some things. Oh, I finished the. Let them.
Maressa:Theory. You were almost finished last episode, but now you did Amazing.
Natalie:It's so sweet. My oldest daughter is so proud of me for reading Like. She loves to read at night with me and she's like mom, you read a hundred books once. Right, are you going to do that again? So I'm really behind. So I basically have to read 10 books a month for the rest of the year. I've already read five, but oh girl, I'm ahead of you, I know, I know. How many books have you read? I'm on book 12.
Maressa:Damn Okay. So I need to catch up. I need to get some like you need like the short 200, 250 books.
Natalie:Well, that's average for me, like 350 is a long book, 400 is God. What am I doing? Iron Flame and the Fourth Wing series that was should have been four books for my-.
Maressa:Well, you know that Onyx Storm is. I mean, it's not nearly as big, but that's a doozy.
Natalie:Well, I want to, I want. I still can't believe I haven't read that book yet, but I want to read I mean, you'll a thousand percent read it.
Maressa:But by the rate you're reading things right now, you're going to be real slow.
Natalie:I know Okay. So yeah, I know that one of the things that you wanted to talk about was boundaries.
Maressa:Yeah, because I think there's a point where you know we talked about recapping a lot of our episodes. We talk about, you know, grief, and did we even know we didn't talk about we talked about communication.
Natalie:We talked about what some of the things that we do for our mental health. But the reason why I brought up boundaries is because the Let them Theory book really focuses on boundaries Boundaries for both you, to protect yourself from other people, and boundaries so that you don't have to waste your energy or resources or love for people that don't necessarily put you in the same category. If that makes sense, I don't know. There was a lot of lessons in there.
Maressa:I think also, too, what you probably wanted to maybe focus on is talking about the emotional boundaries in future relationships and how to avoid getting hurt again, because I think for you there could be being vulnerable and opening up and getting ready for that next relationship and, you know, realizing that you have a family. There's these boundaries that you need to set on, like when you are ready to have someone meet your kids, or the boundaries of what will those next steps be in that next relationship for me, and maybe like understanding some red flags beforehand too. Yeah, I mean, would you say that that's accurate?
Natalie:Yeah. So I think that something that Mel talked about is your peace and you saying you kind of just anchoring your peace in a sort, and I think that that is probably why I'll try dating and then something will happen, and then I'll be like, fuck that.
Maressa:Nope, not doing that again. Yeah.
Natalie:Or something will trigger Learning from the past.
Maressa:Yeah.
Natalie:I mean right now. I obviously have to co-parent with my ex-husband. Things are very smooth sailing right now, so I do know that when something comes in and disrupts my peace, I block everything out.
Natalie:And that's why I think right now I'm comfortable in my piece, that I don't necessarily want to bring anybody in, and also I realize that I have a very strong personality and while I say I want to be taken care of, I don't think I do. I mean of course I do, but that is going to be an obstacle in itself for me to kind of yes, going back and being vulnerable again.
Natalie:Right, because at this point I am strong enough in all of my relationships that if I have a feeling or if I have an instinct, I am emotionally and mentally stable enough to have that. But in beginning of like dating relationships, you're getting to know someone and you're trying to break through those barriers and I don't think that, I don't think I want to do that right now.
Maressa:But I'm also wondering if you're hindering a really beautiful relationship because you're not ready to do that just yet.
Natalie:I might be. I don't know. I mean, would it be easier if I could predict the future and know what my cards have? Speaking of, cards.
Maressa:We both went there.
Natalie:Yes, I mean, we did get our cards read.
Maressa:You had mentioned that the reader told you that there's something. Wait, you've had your cards read like a couple of times.
Natalie:Yeah, so I had them. I had it done with you when I was.
Maressa:We were in like the thick of our breakup.
Natalie:No, I don't Were we. No, it was in it was last. No, okay, wait, what year are we? We're in 2025. It was in summer of 23, like late summer of 23. Okay, so we were so yeah, we were almost a year, you were a year and a half, I was a year and a couple of months. But we got our cards read and one of the questions I asked was that and she was like I think that was with the one that was at your boutique.
Natalie:No, no, that was when we drove, when we were in Atlanta Right and Chad picked us up, yeah, and you got your cards read, yeah.
Maressa:It was actually pretty closing closure. It was For what I needed.
Natalie:Yeah, I think one of the things that she said was like, related to this podcast, like what we've kind of started creating A safe space, yeah, and even though right now it's just me and you talking and sharing our feelings and what do we call it? Podcast therapy? I think that it was. It had a lot to do with some of the other things that she said back then. Now, lash, sometime in 2024, I got my cards read again, but it was like a mini session and then future. I was a little confused by what she said. So then, before she left, I asked cause it was at an event I went back to her again and she's like you have the ability to ask me a question, and I did. And I asked she's like but make it open ended, because you don't want me to just respond with yes or no, because that doesn't give you. The one of the questions was I want a clarification on my future, right? So it was. Things were a little cloudy. Um, was this before dad died?
Maressa:I think it was. It was before dad passed away.
Natalie:So she said there's something reserving me, holding me back, and it could have been dad, I don't know.
Maressa:Yeah, well, it's crazy because I think that these card readers try to allow you to think of the bigger picture, the like, the meaning behind it, because I'm reading a book the Irony of this and the main female main character is a tarot card reader and she was talking about another woman that was surviving, she was like a domestic survivor and she was explaining the cards and she was like I want her to ask the question, I want her to answer that question for herself, so I almost wonder if she was doing that for you.
Natalie:Yeah. So she was like you can't ask me a yes or no question and I was like, okay, I don't know how to ask my question without wanting it to be yes or no. Yeah. So my question was will I find love again? Right, that's a deep question to ask. It was, and she was like, okay, well, don't ask me that. So she kind of helped you get to like the question you wanted.
Maressa:Yeah.
Natalie:Because she was like okay, well, don't ask me that. So she kind of helped you, yes, to like the question you wanted. Yeah, because she was like I, with these card readings, that gives you the ability to manifest your life, right, and I'm big into manifestation. So her whole thing was she wanted to make it almost like an opportunity to get the answer that.
Maressa:I wanted yeah Right.
Natalie:So she said that there was some clouds that were going, that were kind of hanging over, and maybe it was dad, maybe it was my co-parent situation, I don't really know, but I remember in that time I was really unhappy. Maybe it was my job, I don't. I can't remember specifically. There was something blocking you and there could have been a number of things.
Natalie:She said something was blocking me from accepting new blessings. Wow, so we'll see. I don't really know what will happen, but I'm also not going to push it right, because I'm just going to keep working on myself and my kids. Keeping you busy they are, and just being present because I don't want anybody else to come in and then cloud me from other things.
Maressa:Yeah, yeah, my children, well, and I think you are doing a really good job of acknowledging that you are going to focus on you, because I think the happiness, like that, we're all seeking, isn't in a partner, it's in you. You have to seek that happiness from yourself to then be happy in other areas of your life, I think, because if you're not happy with yourself, everything else is going to reflect negatively, in my opinion.
Natalie:Yeah, and if, for example, you know, this is kind of the analogy I use when I think back on not good relationships or toxic relationships. It's like finding Nemmo and they try they're trying to get nemo out of the tank.
Natalie:so marlin has them stick that little seaweed or coral to stop the filter and then the tank gets like super green dirty with algae with algae and it was just it infested everything in there, like, eventually, the water that they were breathing, the water that they were swimming in, was all green. Yeah, that they had to be removed from the situation and start over.
Maressa:Well, okay, the goal, if I'm remembering correctly.
Natalie:The goal was to get Nemo out into a bag so that he could jump into the toilet to then get into the Atlantic ocean. Yes, however, that is the analogy that I use when I'm talking about situations like that. And again, this isn't just in love, this isn't just in any sort of partnership relationship.
Maressa:This could be with siblings, this could be with mother daughter, you know, like parent co-worker friends.
Natalie:I mean, we've talked about, you know, having to lose friends. There was some animosity between me and somebody at one point and we wouldn't have never overcame it, and I have. Yet I've never spoken to her again.
Maressa:Yeah, there's a couple of people that I stopped speaking to just because it wasn't doing any good for me. Yeah, like the friendship wasn't bringing anything to me where I felt like I needed to continue it. I have a girlfriend that was having a issue with another friend of ours and I straight up told her I was like it's okay to break up with friends. I know it sounds kind of intense, but like why would you continue being a friend with someone if they're not bringing you any joy? Or a friendship is a relationship too. I check in on my girlfriends that I want to know and I hang out with the girlfriends I want to see and like if I'm not putting forth the effort, why am I going to continue trying to seek that friendship if I'm not getting anything in return? It's literally just like a relationship.
Natalie:Mm, hmm.
Maressa:Yeah, so that animosity you were saying like you're no longer speaking to this girl she obviously wasn't bringing you happiness or joy, so why, like, meddle that for yourself? Yeah.
Natalie:And I think that that's one of the reasons why, right now, I'm just going to continue doing me, because I don't want to say I. I'm not in a fragile state per se, but I feel like every time we overcome something, something else happens. Right, oh you? Know I mean thinking back from 2022,. I could even go prior to that Totally prior to that. Yeah, I divorced. And then you know, dad got diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
Natalie:Well, and then Doug died, our brother, we have an older Half brother, half brother who my dad was married before my mom and he passed away within six months. And then you know, there was something else that happened. There was like three things that happened between 2022 and 2023 that were pivotal and fundamentally I don't want to say life-changing, but they left footprints in our lives and I think that I've, last year dad died, passed away.
Maressa:I was going to say. I don't like it when you say the word died, do I say I never say he died. You have said it a couple of times. I'm always like passed away.
Natalie:I try to be more mindful about that. Yeah, it's a pretty intense word. I know it's okay, I mean it's a, I mean it's the phase of life, like I know and I think when I've disassociated myself from it I'm able to say that, but when I think more about it, I can't yeah, that's fair when dad passed away when dad passed away, that also was a, you know.
Maressa:I mean, that was six months ago yeah, we actually are approaching we're approaching the six months like to the day and our mom just celebrated what would have been their 39th, 38, 38, 38th anniversary, and I think that was really tough for mom, yeah. But, no, you're a thousand percent right. There was a handful of things that have happened in our lives where you think I can't catch a break. I feel like I'm finally like afloat and breathing, and then I get knocked by a wave again.
Maressa:And I think that's what's so exhausting. And people who go through a heartbreak or a loss I think they can relate to that in a sense, where they finally feel like they have their head like in a good place and then they just get knocked down again. And I think it's those times that you lean in and focus on, you know, just putting your right foot forward and taking it day by day, and leaning in on those who love and support you and just be like grateful for the present. I think living in the present has made me like all the things that have happened over the last three years for me has allowed me to be in the moment and happy. You're going to maybe giggle at this, but like I'm the type of person that when I'm with people like I don't have my phone out.
Maressa:I you're very good about that. I like I'll take pictures. Like if I want to take a picture, sure, I'll take a picture, but I'll put my phone immediately, immediately away, like I don't want to have my phone out at all when I'm having dinner with friends or like going out to like just doing things, because I want to be so in the moment with that person, where I want them to feel seen and like loved and heard, because maybe that's what I'm seeking. But you know, having that inner peace I think is so important, and then just leaning in on those people and creating those boundaries.
Maressa:Yeah, totally. I want to know and I think that what you shared was very vulnerable and very raw and to some people it might be refreshing to hear, because we probably have some listeners that are going through a divorce or understanding like single parent and co-parenting, and you admitting all of those things is really refreshing to hear, because sometimes people don't want to admit those things, or some people don't want to say it out loud because they don't want to believe it's true yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna lie like the other day.
Natalie:I actually got my oldest out of her room. I don't know why I'm crying, but I was like, will you snuggle with me tonight? And she was like why? And I was like cause I just you know you just wanted to snuggle.
Natalie:Yeah. And then next morning she was like why'd you do that, mom, are you okay? I was like, yeah, I'm fine, I don't know. I think whenever I start to really feel my emotions, I got a lot of shit, I got to work out, so maybe that was it. But yeah, it's hard, it's hard to know what to do. So I'm just going to be present and focus on what I have in my life right now and I can't wish or want something else, because, also, I know that relationships change and I know that you have to adapt to be with someone and, selfishly, I don't want to reverse any of the changes that I've just spent years making focusing on that.
Natalie:I think that that is one of the main reasons why y'all go and hang out or y'all go on a date. I don't know, I'm not, I'm not ready to do any of that stuff, and that's totally fair.
Maressa:Yeah, speaking of, did you prank me and create a fake profile of that?
Natalie:Plenty of fish.
Maressa:Yeah, no, okay, what the fuck You're like? I'm not ready to date. And here you are. I'm like this bitch created a plenty of fish account. First of all, why that account? I literally got an email of somebody creating what? Let me read it to you your plenty of fish profile is incomplete. Some things are better. Left said you haven't finished the plenty of fish profile you created. Without knowing your personality and interest, we can't match you to other singles. So you're telling me that you didn't do this.
Natalie:I swear to god, I did not, I not. I mean, you're like.
Maressa:I'm not ready to date again, but I'm going to put Marissa out there.
Natalie:Well, yeah, I mean I definitely think that you should date. I have been dating, I know you have, I know.
Maressa:I've been definitely putting myself out there in a sense yes, and. But I know I'm also somewhat focusing on me and I am just enjoying time. I'm just doing me, but like I'm not forcing it, call me a romantic, but I feel like with all the romance books I read I'm like I want a meet cue.
Natalie:I know, and that's what it is. That is my thing. I remember in the holiday they talked about that old director. He was like you know what a perfect meet cue. And she was like what's a meet cue? He's like you know a man needs pajama bottoms and the woman needs pajama tops, and then that's a meet cute. So that's kind of what, deep down, I think we all want.
Maressa:Well, a thousand percent. I think we all have a little bit of a romantic in us, but the hopeless romantic can be.
Natalie:I want to believe in love again. I just you know when it, when it comes, it comes.
Maressa:So but for now we'll just keep enjoying what I was just you said something about. I want to believe in love again and I thought of, like you know, moving forward like building a new future. We could talk about that like like rebuilding your lives after like a heartbreak, because I do think you were extremely vulnerable by addressing those things and saying I'm hesitant in a sense.
Natalie:Yeah, I mean, if you think about it, though, I feel like I knew my separation was coming, it was inevitable, but like you still have to kind of process through it and you don't know who somebody is when you first meet them, so I think, deep, deep down, that's, that's like a huge reason, and might be you know, know, I have a session with my therapist in a couple of weeks. Maybe that's something that I'm gonna have to work through, because I feel like with Tori, I've done a lot of work on forgiving and not forgetting, but because there is a difference, yeah, because Taylor Swift said in an episode that you don't have to forgive In an episode.
Natalie:I'm sorry in an interview, oh, and I agree, but I think for me I had to forgive because I wouldn't be at peace, Totally Like in my situation. I have to see my co-parent, my ex-husband.
Maressa:Yeah, because you share three kids with him.
Natalie:But we've worked through all of that and maybe that's something that I'll talk with with Tori next week yeah, I do think it's really amazing that you've done these things to work on.
Maressa:You know, like really leaning in on that therapy with her has been a blessing in a sense to you because it has helped you stay like a line in a course that you didn't know you were taking, in a sense kind of like a driveway. You were like staying in the lane, yeah.
Natalie:I mean it. Let me see things like from a psychological standpoint along with a neurological standpoint. Right, mel robbins talks about the amygdala and fighter flight. So those are all things that I talked about with tori and getting yourself out of fighter flight. Like we've said before, I saw her every week for I think it was six months, maybe even longer, I don't know. It was a long time. We committed a lot of time to each other and then now we do it monthly, maybe sometimes every six weeks.
Maressa:But yeah so. I have a question for you to wrap this up, because I do feel like you.
Natalie:I feel like this episode was more about me which is fine.
Maressa:I feel like you kind of threw me under the bus last episode. Okay, like everyone got some giggles, but damn, calling you a hoe, oh god, what the fuck? Natalie Jesus. It's so funny because I have to bring this back. Our brother was like I was really hesitant listening to the last episode because of the title. Then he was like, but then I thought you know, it was really of the title. Then he was like, but then I thought you know, it was really funny.
Natalie:What did he say? He was like. I have never felt a range of emotions. Was it him from being teary-eyed? At the end, Chad said that.
Maressa:Yeah, and then someone else said that to me I know, I know, but that's what he said.
Natalie:He was like I was laughing hard about the sizes yeah Of the condoms, not sizes of the wongs.
Maressa:Let me just go back to the text thread so that we can see we also have a sibling chat. Natalie and I are very active in our chat. He said hold on. He said it was a good one. Yeah, no, you were taking something. Oh, he said he laughed at the sizes joke. And he used the eggplant emoji.
Natalie:And then he said oh my God, the last part about dad had me all teary-eyed.
Maressa:He was like you know, it was a good one, for sure, definitely one of the best, and then he said you really manifested that Barcelona. Oh yeah. But yeah, I did have another friend that he mentioned like range of emotions, and I appreciated that because I feel like we all kind of go through a range of emotions yeah, on a day-to-day.
Natalie:Well, we're just here to deliver real life. But but hard stuff, yes.
Maressa:Funny stuff, but I did want to ask you so like if anyone who is going through a divorce because I feel like this was a pretty heavy topic on your therapy and your hesitation of dating how would you encourage a listener who is in the process of going through?
Maressa:a divorce and has to co-parent, what would you share to them? Obviously, everyone's situation is differently, but I do feel like you can relate to someone, to those listeners who are going through a divorce and have children. Like what would you share to? Like help with forgiveness or reconciliation? Well, no, no, no, no, no, let's take that back. So Not reconciliation, but forgiveness, and like peace, yeah, but like maybe reconciliation in the sense of with their kids. Yeah, because there's always going to be that tether to each other, from the kids, yeah.
Natalie:Or you'll just have to. You're going to have to make a new connection outside of love, yeah, right. So that's a good question. That's a hard question. My biggest piece of advice, it would be to have patience right and to. I know this is so hard, but just try to be the bigger person right, because when tensions are high, things are going to get ugly. You're no longer with that person, so you've removed the love piece.
Natalie:People fight, but when there's love, it's easier to fight with them and it's easier to forgive them. But once you remove that love, it's really hard to be objective to it. So what I would say is give it time, give yourself grace and also find ways to not personally take things that they are doing to you, because I read that or I heard that once and it literally changed your perspective Entirely. Instead of assuming that he was personally trying to attack me through our separation, I removed that right. It wasn't towards me, it was towards the situation.
Natalie:If we were fighting over an object which we didn't really. It wasn't towards me, it was towards the situation. If we were fighting over an object which we didn't really like, it was a pretty, that piece was fine. Removing yourself and not taking things personal and I wish there was a better way for me to try to explain that further but if your ex-husband or if your ex-wife is having a bad day, it's not because of you. I mean, it could be, but you don't need to allow yourself to be on the end of that side Like the punching bag.
Maressa:Yes, yes, so that would kind of be a couple of pieces of advice those are all good ones, because I do think that there are some people that are going through a divorce. So I think addressing that and giving your side and speaking your piece is really important.
Natalie:Yeah, I mean and always, always have respect. I know it's so hard. Trust me If anyone understands that it's me. But having respect, especially if there's children involved because even though me and my ex-husband are no longer together and living under the same roof, we still have three kids that we want to model Happiness, healthy relationships, healthy emotions and just healthy living Right. So respecting that and respecting each other, yeah.
Maressa:Through it.
Natalie:Trust me, I know it's so, so hard.
Maressa:That is very, very mature of you to say it wasn't always easy it wasn't always easy.
Natalie:I'm sure it wasn't you know, I mean I'm not gonna sit here and paint myself as a saint because I know that. I know that it was. It was hard on both of us, yeah. However, if you stay objective, stay the course and keep your peace, it will get better.
Maressa:I think protecting your peace is so big because in the end, you're just protecting yourself and your heart.
Natalie:Yeah, and by not taking things personal, you're staying at peace, right.
Maressa:But I'm going to fucking take things personal.
Natalie:Other people can. Sure I will take that wrath for you. I mean I wish I had a good example not to share, like what I mean by that.
Maressa:but Because you don't want to get too too in the like nitty gritty of like details and such, because you want to also be LOL objective.
Natalie:Well, respectful right, but hopefully me saying not taking things personal, Like if you were having a bad day with mom and I know that right.
Maressa:Her snapping at you. You're not going to take it personal.
Natalie:I mean I'm going to a little bit, but I am going to remind myself there is something else there. Yeah Right, so we, in my case, separated and divorced and we didn't like each other, but we had to keep all of that separated.
Natalie:Right, which is gosh has to be so hard, but you did it, but it gets easier and I've had a couple of people tell me that some of my sauna thoughts helped them Totally. Yeah, and journaling finding something that works for you. For me it was going to the sauna. I went to the gym only because I wanted to go to the sauna, because I wouldn't allow myself to sit in that. Yeah, like I had to do a mile and a half or two miles or something, or the 10 minutes on this, like I had to do a workout of some sort to treat me and reward me with my 20 minutes in the sauna and in there I was able to literally just detox and quite literally detox, cleanse that bad energy that bad juju.
Maressa:Yeah, thank you for sharing that, natalie. I really appreciate that and I'm sure some of the listeners will appreciate that it was very it was a deep. It was a deep one, and I think it's totally normal for us to discuss the fun stuff, the juicy stuff, and then the deep, real stuff, and I think this was one of those.
Maressa:So thank you, you're so professional I know, you know, this podcast is just making me all professional. Next thing you know I'm gonna be a talk host. I actually thought about someone told me that I should be a audio book reader. You were about to fall asleep yeah, an audio book reader. Someone thought they were like fall asleep, yeah, an audio book reader. Someone thought they were like, you have a really good voice for it.
Natalie:Yeah, I was thinking. I'm sure that's not the only thing that they said, with you blushing.
Maressa:My lips are sealed, you little, don't you dare say it, don't you, freaking, dare say it.
Natalie:I wasn't going to say it. I, you freaking dare say I wasn't gonna say it.
Maressa:I was gonna say you're gonna say a tease, you call me a tease with a capital t.
Natalie:There's nothing wrong with teasing well, some might disagree, oh man. With that being said, thank you, marissa, for being so professional and a wonderful co-host. Well, today you hosted it, you hosted the shit out of this episode, and I was being interviewed and I wasn't. I know what we were going to talk about, but I don't know how it turned into more of an interview than a conversation, but it's fine, it's fine.
Maressa:This is just preparing us for when we do have guests and start asking our guest questions, because we've talked about bringing on a guest, so be on the lookout for a possible guest teaser, if you will, soon.
Natalie:Soon. Well, we got to figure some video stuff out, but anyways, well, as always, thank you for spending time with us, listening to our conversations and hopefully you know, today's episode was a little heavier and that's just what we're going to talk about.
Maressa:This is us being real, yep, having these types of conversations. So thank you guys for tuning in. We always appreciate all of the love that we've gotten comments, feedback. I always, personally, love getting a text message from any girlfriend or friend. That's like, oh my gosh. I loved this part or this part made me really emotional, or I just love y'all's banter. So it's always just rewarding and fulfilling, knowing that these conversations bring you joy. Yep.
Natalie:So, like always, we will ask shameless plug to follow our show so you can get notifications on new episodes. And then, if you want to leave a review or a comment, we would appreciate that as well. And then also, we're going to pick up our Instagram. We've been slacking, so make sure to follow us on Instagram.
Maressa:Yeah, yep, so we will see you guys next week. Thanks so much, toodles Bye.
