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Dumped & Divorced
Love is the greatest thing ever...until it isn't. When two sisters experienced relationship trauma through a broken engagement and a divorce after almost a decade of marriage, hosts Natalie and Maressa learned to lean into each other to make it through a life changing time. Dumped & Divorced is a space where they will talk about life after heartbreak and the redemption through it all. A space where you can come to hear stories about the hard stuff. In hopes that you feel less alone in any hardships you might be facing. Tune in weekly as we tackle topics of healing, rebuilding, self-love, and finding strength in the aftermath of life’s most difficult moments. Follow the show on Instagram @dumpedanddivorcedthepodcast
Dumped & Divorced
When He Cancelled the Wedding, She Threw Herself the Party of a Lifetime Instead
A wedding venue deposit became the foundation for an extraordinary transformation when Maressa's fiancé called off their wedding just four months before the big day. Rather than wallowing in heartache and financial loss, she made a bold decision that would become a cornerstone of her healing journey.
With the help of a compassionate wedding coordinator, Maressa redirected her non-refundable deposits toward a lavish 30th birthday celebration. The Great Gatsby-themed extravaganza came complete with a champagne tower, saxophonist, and nearly 80 supportive friends and family members who witnessed her phoenix-like rise from the ashes of heartbreak.
This wasn't just any party – it was a symbolic farewell to her twenties, a decade largely defined by a relationship that ultimately wasn't meant to be. The celebration represented Maressa reclaiming her narrative, choosing joy amid disappointment, and discovering profound self-love along the way.
Through this experience, Maressa learned valuable lessons about healing on her own timeline. She embraced the wisdom that proper recovery from heartbreak often takes years rather than months. Most importantly, she discovered the freedom that comes from no longer molding herself to meet someone else's expectations.
"I am so happy with who I am as an individual," Maressa shares with conviction. "I don't need a damn man right now because I'm so content in my life and confident in myself." Her story reminds us that sometimes our greatest setbacks create unexpected opportunities for growth, celebration, and self-discovery.
Have you experienced a moment where disappointment transformed into something beautiful? We'd love to hear your story of resilience in the comments below.
to do? You know that? Do you know? Are we recording? Do you remember the intro? How are we gonna do the the little music bop? Right, it's a solid question. Or how about? Well, it's just two different conversations. I was gonna say what if we like do a tester and then record? But that would just be fucking a mess, like doing like this way and then the other way?
Speaker 2:yeah, because then we wouldn't know what we're saying right, right.
Speaker 1:Okay, welcome the music. Do we know what the music is going to be like?
Speaker 2:I don't know how that's going to work, but if we don't have music, well, it's because we're trying something new guys.
Speaker 1:What about funky? Let's bring back the funky jam. It's not as loud on my end. Oh shit, I played it again. You did yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, welcome to Dumped and Divorced, a podcast where we talk about life after heartbreak.
Speaker 1:We are two sisters.
Speaker 2:My name is Natalie.
Speaker 1:My name is Marissa and this is our podcast. Yes, it is Welcome to episode eight Eight. Yeah, Okay, so officially two solid months of episodes yes, I was going to say if you don't Can you hear me. I can hear you better, but when you're looking at me, this is how it sounds like when you're looking at me. So you're literally going to have to be talking into the mic.
Speaker 2:Okay, so we've been saying that we wanted to try Video. You can't move your mic, my god.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, okay, okay. We've been trying, holy shit, we've been trying, holy shit. I'm trying to like be closer, because this looks like too not symmetrical. Okay, we'll come close, so then I have to lean close.
Speaker 2:Okay, but then just hold, You're giving off some serious energy.
Speaker 1:I want to get this ish and done so I can't fucking touch my mic Like I have to have it stick. You know what? Fuck this shit. This is why these little thingies because you turn off your mic, hello, I'm still hearing the static, or not fucking thing.
Speaker 2:I swear, if you're gonna look at me every movement, then I'm gonna have to turn off the damn video we have been saying that we've been wanting to add video and we're giving this a try and hopefully it works and we're able to drop an episode for you on this beautiful friday morning um clearly it's Friday morning, right, it's Friday fucking morning, very dark Friday morning, we could say that we recorded early am like 4.
Speaker 1:Am Like that viral. Have you seen that viral man that shared his morning routine and it's so unrealistic?
Speaker 2:I've seen one from a mom but it was like definitely not 5.30 or 6 or 6.30. So funny In the afternoon.
Speaker 1:No, yeah. He basically like wakes up at three, starts brushing his teeth, dumps his face in the water and started like using this like fancy Italian water.
Speaker 2:Like Evian.
Speaker 1:No, it's like Sarasota, but it's like Sarasota, it's like a really cool blue bottle and then he goes to the pool and then he meditates and he reads the Bible and it's like timestamped and it is so unrealistic. Everyone's been making fun of it.
Speaker 2:Well, I saw a video where a lady was going to the gym. She was outside and then she was like putting her face in water and I'm like what?
Speaker 1:the fuck is happening. Yeah, it's this man that went viral, um, because he, like, wakes up at 3 30 and does his morning routine. But we are not those people, because I am not getting my ass up before six o'clock to do anything and that's a stretch. Yeah, I mean, I think I woke up for the 5k at 6 15 and that was because I was running in a race and I had to be at the race before 730.
Speaker 2:The only time you get up early is when you have a flight to catch.
Speaker 1:Catching flights, not feelings, I mean shit. I have taken a lot of Southwest like 6 am flights and they've been game changers. I can hate it, but it's a maximize yeah, you got to maximize that day and like two of the times it was in Vegas and so, like, when I fly into Vegas it's like I arrive at like 11, 12. So technically it's worth it, but yeah, so if I'm, I only get up if I have to like physically go somewhere, AKA traveling or like a race or like work.
Speaker 1:But I don't even get to work that early when I'm in the office, yeah, so that's a commitment, but we can say Friday morning and show the people that it is not friday morning, but welcome, yes, welcome. So what we got on deck today? Well, I sent you a text message about, like what I wanted to talk about, but I do feel like the last two episodes have been pretty deep and more so, not like just focused on you, but things that were more related in your area, I guess, like in the single mom, single mom, like, like no parenting, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So let's change the mood and make it lighter, lighter and funner. Yeah, because I'm the real life conversations and you are the fun topics Fun topics.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I also have real life conversations, are you?
Speaker 2:I'm not saying that you don't have real life conversations, and I didn't mean it like that. I mean like not exhilarating, kind of.
Speaker 1:I have a very exhilarating life. That's what I'm saying. Your life is an exhilarating life, yes, yes, very routine. Well, you also, like you, have kids. I understand, I'm just a single gal living my life, like you know, just living life to the fullest, okay.
Speaker 2:So I think what we should do is tell the people what they want to know.
Speaker 1:What is that? Ooh, that's a good slide into that.
Speaker 2:So you were like three months from getting married. Four, well, under four, but yes, I think I asked the Google how many days and it was like 90, something right over. I don't know. You know what I'm going to look it up.
Speaker 2:Look at it up. But you were, let's say, 90 to 120, january, february, march, april, anyways you were like four months away from getting married and at that point you were like four months away from getting married and at that point you there isn't really a way for you to get back deposits and we're going there Money. So, and let's just be real, you had a very high end wedding coming up and you know, money was a big reason that kind of led to the end of your relationship. So, with that being said, and you got shafted with all of the deposits and you didn't get any of that back and someone probably sold the ring and made a little bit of money back.
Speaker 1:But anyways, I doubt he made money on my ring because of the deposit he like or the not Not necessarily made money but got back money.
Speaker 2:You didn't get any money back from the deposits you put down. No Is what I'm saying. Absolutely not, so he probably returned the whip ring. I don't know. He might have kept it for the next one, who knows Do we know.
Speaker 1:Do we know if there's a next one? I don't know, I don't know, I'm a huge fan Blocked. You blocked that shit. I think everyone in my circle blocked him and then he I don't know if he blocked I don't know how many people he blocked on my end, but a lot of my girls blocked him first.
Speaker 2:I would rather block first than be blocked.
Speaker 1:That is my motto, that's your motto yes, I can't find the days, but yes, it was. He broke up with me in January and then our wedding was in May. So under four months, give or take.
Speaker 2:I think it was like a hundred and something days. Okay, we're moving past the dates, okay, and we want to hear about not how that went for you, because it was a shitty time, but what did you do with? How much was that deposit Total? How much did I lose? Or like how much? Let's just say how much did you put down towards the wedding that you did not get back?
Speaker 1:I don't know if I feel comfortable saying that number. Okay, well, because it's a pretty significant number and I, like he screwed me over in a sense where I didn't, I couldn't ask, like our role. I didn't ask him because I know he wouldn't have given me a penny, no, which is why you should have kept the ring, but anyway. So I was essentially with the contracts right, like they're binary, like there is a reason there's a contract Binary.
Speaker 2:You said binary.
Speaker 1:I did say binary Binary. Binary.
Speaker 2:Binary.
Speaker 1:Okay, so obviously I had these contracts. There was a handful of people that were very gracious.
Speaker 2:Like yeah, like the smaller department. Like when you think of a wedding, you have the venue and the reception is like 70% of your wedding probably your budget. And then you have your dress. You still have your dress.
Speaker 1:I mean, I have it but I haven't looked at it. Or mom has it. Yeah, mom still has mine, haven't looked at it or mom has it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, mom still has mine, but anyway. But like the dress, you obviously aren't going to get any money back. Your flowers she worked with you on. Yeah, the woman that I was going to do my flowers with.
Speaker 1:Yeah, your invitations obviously was a wash Photography, did they Photography? I think I had maybe two more payments, so maybe they.
Speaker 1:They just like said don't worry about the last two payments yeah, honestly like, since a lot of time has passed, I can't remember those details, but there was a handful of vendors that I did like have to pay something. What was left, not the full. The makeup artist was really nice. She was actually a girl that went to college with us. I think she was just like don't worry about anything, like and then hair and then hair was obviously a family friend. Yeah, the hotel was basically the venue. So I was going to get married at the Georgian Terrace Hotel in Atlanta, across the Fox Theater Beautiful, beautiful venue, anyway, so beautiful venue. But my wedding coordinator was so great because she did everything she could to protect me on those conversations. She actually had all of those conversations with every single vendor for me.
Speaker 1:I actually got along with extremely well with the hotel coordinator for, like the day of and when the news was mentioned to her, she called me and she was like honey, like you know she was. She was just so kind. She was like I'm shocked Like I loved you guys, right, you guys like we're a beautiful couple. I'm so shocked Like I sometimes I see couples where I wonder how they're getting married and I never had that feeling with you and your ex. I mean, obviously she said his name, but I'm not going to ever say his name. But yeah, so the wedding coordinator from the hotel was so nice, I really really loved her, and so when we were talking she was like, okay, I don't want any of the money that your parents deposited to go to waste.
Speaker 2:So she was-, which was a big chunk of change.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was about I don't want to say but probably 60%. Mom and dad had three more payments left, but they were the bigger ones, and so she was like I don't want that money to go to waste. I do not want that money to go to waste. She was like is there a charity that you would want to do, like a gala, or is your parents having an anniversary, or is there something where maybe I can go up to the hotel?
Speaker 1:management and request that I change this from like a wedding to something else. And that got me thinking and I was like, well, I am turning 30 next year, like next January, At this rate you know, it was January 2022 or February 2022. And I was like I am turning 30 in 2023. She was like I'm going to throw you the biggest fucking 30th birthday party and we're going to ball out.
Speaker 1:And since then, like that was when my mentality shifted, Cause I was like everyone's rallying and on my like, like trying to support me in a sense, and they're in my like, they're in my corner, they're trying to not have me feel like I'm getting screwed over, in a sense. And at that rate, I took all the responsibility of the remainder of the payments because I didn't want mom and dad to forego that they didn't plan this to happen, Even though technically, yes, they would have helped plan or pay most of the wedding. But I took it like that was kind of my way of saying I'm going to hold on to this incident to me, because it's not fair for mom and dad to have to pay X amount more when homeboy called off the wedding.
Speaker 2:For them to pay like a birthday party, budget-wise for a small wedding essentially.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so with that she changed the document or the contract and I had to pay like whatever was left and we went from there. We were like we're going to throw me a 30th birthday bash and that we did and we fucking went hard.
Speaker 1:So essentially it was a great Gatsby themed. It was like basically saying goodbye to my 20s. Like fuck my 20s, because obviously that my whole 20s will have my ex. So we're saying goodbye to my 20s, I'm entering a new decade and we're just going to party like Gatsby. So it was a great Gatsby theme. You had the champagne tower.
Speaker 2:I had the champagne tower. Did you cut it with a knife? Did you cut it with a knife?
Speaker 1:No, but you got me that big Costco champagne bottle. I think it was from Total Wine. Well, yeah, it was this big bottle. So it was the Magnum, the Magnum. So my best friend, nicole, nicole, whose bachelorette party we just celebrated last week she loves to bake she baked me a cake. It was a beautiful cake. Hillary, the family photographer, she did my photos. Chad and I had a live after five, like drunkenly one time, came across a man on the street playing a saxophone and I swear this man is everywhere because I've seen him at multiple, like other areas, in multiple spots that will be in Atlanta.
Speaker 2:So, it'll be like near State Farm and he'll be there, or we'll be like he was at a live after five on the Beltline he was at.
Speaker 1:There was another time where Chad and I oh, he was outside of the Fox Theater. One time when we were coming back to see, when we went and saw a show, he was outside the Fox Theater. When I saw Lion King he was there too.
Speaker 1:So this man, he's just like a known saxophonist that just plays around and obviously people you know throw him money because he's an amazing saxophonist. So Chad went up to him and was like hey, man, I love your vibe. Like do you do like private events? And he was like well, and like obviously he was doing his thing. And so the man was like yeah, I mean we could talk like here's my number. Chad set that up. He essentially was like the main guy to help, yeah, the point of contact to get Vince Vince is his name to Vince to play. So I had a saxophonist, I had a photographer, I had one of my girlfriends was a DJ and she was my DJ and we had, I think I invited like maybe 100 people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I sorry I had a tickle in my throat. The party ended up turning into basically a wedding. I think I had not right under 100 people at my wedding give or take and I remember you kept trying to add people. Like, oh my gosh, I haven't seen this person in five years or talked to them. We just caught back up, so I'm going to invite them, and then a plus one and I'm like okay, marissa. So it ended up being a great night for you.
Speaker 2:It was such a fun night. Oh my God, I'm sorry, it's early morning.
Speaker 1:The wedding coordinator. The wedding coordinator gave me a suite, so I had a suite and we essentially had like a mini after party afterwards in our suite. It was so fun. Mom and dad were there, what I think was extremely special. Obviously, I had like a little bit of an entrance with the saxophonist guy and Chad walked in and played the sax because, fun fact, our brother plays the saxophone. We all play instruments. We do all play instruments, not well, but I mean we did it well when we were children.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, we can read music.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, and we were in the choir and all this, just a little practice. Yeah, so, and you gave a speech, I danced with dad and that was kind of like my.
Speaker 1:That was so sweet speech. I danced with dad and that was kind of like. That was kind of like my way of, you know, having my dance with dad. We danced to run around Sue, which is like one of his favorite songs Um, I just got a text, okay, um, but it was like mom invited some friends, I invited like parents of friends.
Speaker 1:It was a time like I basically threw a banging 30th birthday party for myself at the wedding venue, and that is when you make lemonade out of freaking lemons, because instead of moping and saying I'm going to lose all this money, the wedding coordinator thinks to her and I don't think she's still there because I I got an email from the hotel and it was not like her name wasn't attached to it, but essentially, essentially through a big ass party, and it was just a really amazing way to close out that chapter, instead of thinking like, like this would have been my wedding venue Granted, it was a different room, right, because I was. I purposely chose a different room for that reason and obviously it was smaller, but I would say like anywhere from like 70 to 80 people were there.
Speaker 2:Did you ever make like an? Was Instagram reels like a thing? I?
Speaker 1:did make an Instagram reel about it, yeah, and so it was like kind of like a teaser of everything. And then I got like I got photos done. It was it was a time we had a great time and it was just one of those things that, like you know how, you asked me like what my favorite part of my breakup was. Like, I would say my out of Marissa, but also my 30th birthday party was a really fun pivot, if you will, of the situation.
Speaker 2:Well, I think, I think that having all of us there, having dad there, looking back at the pictures of dad and you and mom and dad and you, it was. It was so good. It was hard because, like you, had just been broken up with, and it was hard for me because I had just gotten divorced, gotten separated. No, actually, yeah, my divorce was finalized a couple months prior, but still it was a sad and emotional, heavy time for all of us, but it turned into a great party and into memories that you'll have forever yeah and the people that showed up and supported you showed up, yeah, and I'm still like most of those people I'm still involved with, like they're still my friends in my life, like I.
Speaker 1:Maybe there's a couple of people where I just over time, I've lost touch, but it's nothing, like nothing had happened. It's like they probably would still be rooting for me in a sense.
Speaker 2:But life happens and people move on or just lose touch Got married or had babies, or engaged and moved, yeah, and had other life changing factors.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, that was. That was a really great time for me. Um, I have a lot of memories from that. I think you should like reshare your reel. You know that girl that, um, reshare. I literally. I literally have a reel on my instagram of it. I don't know if I have like photos of it, but I'm, yeah, like right here. Oh, yeah, I see it. Oh, and I like had the marquee. The marquee like the numbers. I had a badass banner that said my 30th. Like. I executed the crap out of that theme. It was a wedding, it was essentially a wedding, or?
Speaker 2:just a birthday party to be A bougie birthday party To the level one like the one percenters.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I mean like some people. It was funny One of my buddies who went I guess I'm going to say his name because he's still somewhat of a friend, carlos, I guess was sharing a bunch of things on his Instagram and mom was breaking it down on the dance floor to gasolina and he posted it on his Instagram and, like he said, he had multiple people be like yo, like where are you, like what are you doing? And he was like I'm at my girl's like 30th birthday party. She threw a bash like a banger and they were like damn. And I'm like who throws those 30 birthday parties?
Speaker 2:I'm like, well, technically, it was your wedding it was basically like a predeposit of my wedding.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, so it was a time, we had a great time, and it's just one of those memories and moments that I truly appreciate, because it makes me realize how far we've come and, like to your point, right a year later, like literally a year later, I threw myself a party and I could have still been like moping right, I could have still been like sad, but instead I just turned all of that energy into happiness and focusing on my family and friends and people who really loved me, and that's what helped me get through.
Speaker 2:I think I mean we've kind of talked about it before like losing someone, you have to reestablish your life without that piece, right, and it definitely I mean I'm not going to lie I think that there's some differences between my separation breakup and your separation and breakup. Oh gosh, why is yours so buzzy? I? Don't know, can you just hold it like right there, oh and I'm holding it.
Speaker 2:It's worse, hey, hey, I'm not, I'm not fucking touching it I think that the difference between ours, regardless of the divorce and just the engagement piece I was the one who terminated my relationship and you were the one that was the one that got dumped yes, that's.
Speaker 1:This is hence the name dumped and divorced. Yes, we are living and breathing the dumped and divorced title.
Speaker 2:So like, like yes, it sucked for me, but I made that decision, like I one day I decided it was time and you had no idea it was coming. I mean, sure you guys had a fight and there was a buildup, but before that, yeah, I was in this, I was I thought I was going to marry him.
Speaker 1:You were planning a wedding. I was literally like, like, I envisioned me walking down the aisle to this man.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, I was not. That was not me. You know, like I was kind of every time that something came up in the same realm of things, I was like, okay, this is going to change, or I'm going to make a change, and that is like. And then finally I got to a point where I was like, okay, this isn't changing, where I was like, okay, this isn't changing. So, anyways, I think that your story is beautiful in that sense, and sharing that and just like letting people know that shit's going to be hard. I bet there was times where you were still trying to have these conversations with the coordinators and the hotel, and it was like it hurt your heart.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean there was times where I didn't love the idea of having to still deal with it. Right, because the coordinator did as much as she could to let everyone know the vendors hey, the wedding's off. Like there's no rescheduling. Right, because at that point people were like, oh, maybe they're going to reschedule to a later date because COVID, like there was a lot of weddings that had to get rescheduled and I was like, no, like we're shutting this down Abort mission. It's hit what is um shut it down.
Speaker 2:Who says that? Olivia Pope?
Speaker 1:Olivia Pope shut it down. Yeah, we both love scandal, um, but yeah, no, it was shut down completely. And so there was a time where it still sucked and, yes, there was conversations I had with my best friends or even you where it was still so tough, but that's like it's with. It's talking about the times and it's like the healing journey, right, talking about the things and the events that I did post breakup. It was probably a stepping stone in my healing journey, because To have this party Well, to have this party, and then Maya de Ma to marissa, all of these things really helped me realize that I'm not alone.
Speaker 1:I'm not the first girl to get dumped a couple months before her wedding. I will get better, I will overcome this and I will find happiness again. And I'm gonna find happiness in myself and I think that's the biggest thing is, I am so happy with who I am as an individual and I don't need a damn man right now because I'm so content in my life and I'm confident in myself. And before, in my relationship, I fucking put my ex on a pedestal. I did everything he wanted to do. I essentially would have like thrown away what I would have wanted as a as who I am, as a person, because I wanted to mold to this perfect housewife for him.
Speaker 2:You wanted to be what he you thought he needed Exactly, which is why I feel someone told me a friend's mom said to me Natalie, don't rush on dating, and I think maybe that's why, also subconsciously, you're not having no interest. She was like give it, give it a couple of years. And I was like that's okay. And she's like, and then like six months went by and I was like, okay, I think I'm, I think I'm going to start looking into dating again and that I would go on dating apps or whatever. And again, disastrous. But she said, natalie, give it two to three years. Two to three years. Actually, I think she said closer to three to four. She was like, because that first year is going to be like a wash. That first year you're going to still be numb yeah. The second year you're going to start to get your group back. The third year you're going to be like in your vibe and then the fourth year you might be open to love again. Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1:So I don't know what this is going to be in approaching year four, three year three, year three.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I don't know. That's kind of where my head is.
Speaker 1:I think about this a lot too, because then you see, like you see people moving on very fastly, you know you see someone that you know move on or start dating.
Speaker 2:Oh yes, like they just got divorced and they're already dating and I'm like holy fuck.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I took my time, right, I have dated men. I have like gone on multiple dates with men and I've been screwed over by men, right, you could think like I. It's like what the hell Like I? Why am I going to get screwed over again? There was one man that he's actually worse than my ex because he told me he was divorced. He was not divorced, his wife was pregnant. That's so disgusting. So, yeah, we're just going to leave it at that.
Speaker 2:But that was that situation happened Like I don't want to say hung up on him, but that that destroyed me.
Speaker 1:I was like you're fucking kidding. Kidding me not because, like you were in love with, I was not in love with him, but we were dating. At a point we went on multiple dates, multiple dates.
Speaker 2:We were out in public, we were seen in public, yeah and you were, you were spending, spending a lot of time with him yeah, I remember that and yeah, so that fucking sucked and we're just gonna leave it at that.
Speaker 1:I'm not gonna say anything else because he is. You know that that scene in greece where she's like even worse, you're something on moles, on rats, is that greece? It's um, no, that's not greece yes it's the redhead one, the one that wants to be beauty school dropout. Frenchie frenchie's talking about men and she's like men are are like poop. And then she's like even worse. I think Sandy's like crying over Danny and Frenchie's like pepping her up.
Speaker 2:I know what you're talking about, but I want to say it is not grace Okay.
Speaker 1:Well, anyway, I know you know what. I'm going to look this shit up because I feel like every time you don't want to believe me, I'm always right.
Speaker 2:I'm going to look up, okay, okay, well, let's see. Yeah, so turning heartache into joy and finding it's not grace, I can like quote it.
Speaker 1:It's literally great. I'm envisioning Frenchie. Men are rats. Yes, it literally is Frenchie. Play it no, but it's literally Frenchie, because this is the scene. It is the fucking scene. I knew it. It's Frenchie, anyway.
Speaker 1:So this man is worse than my ex, so let's just point that out. But yeah, so like initially getting screwed over again after I decided to put myself out there, I'm like you're kidding me. So now I'm like not forcing it, I'm not.
Speaker 1:So I understand why you're like thinking, you know you think about this a lot because you see people moving on very quickly, people getting married very quickly after breakup, divorce, and you're like what the fuck? And sometimes you even compare yourself to them. You're like why haven't I moved on? But that's where I stopped thinking that negative thoughts and I'm like who fucking cares? Like I am living my best life. I am so happy, I'm doing things I wouldn't have done had I gotten married and I'm just very content with everything and everyone in my life and I'm not going to take that for granted and I'm not going to let some man take up my space and like mess that up, like I'm just yes, I'm in a point of my life where I'm not rushing it and I'm not. I just don't want to think that negatively about it, because I was in that foggy haze for a bit and I was very negative to myself and I'm like, uh-uh, I'm not doing that anymore.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, it's a cycle, it's the ebbs and the flows, and I'll kind of end this segment up with Mel Robbins. In one of the chapters she talks about love and in it she says something don't quote me because I don't have the book in front of me but it essentially was just like everything that you've done in your past and everything that you've experienced and went through in your past has allowed you to get to where you are currently. And it hasn't always been easy and it hasn't always been fun, but you still have your whole life ahead of you. I mean, like you have probably over half of your life ahead of you and the greatest love that you can have is still out there waiting to cross paths with you, and they are going through stuff to get to where they are.
Speaker 1:Like I truly believe that people are either connected or they settle and just make it work right, like the invisible string theory. That's like a huge thing where, like people are connected and they had no idea they were connected and like it just brings like everything all of the events that happened in their life brought them together right place, right time. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, I didn't know that that's what that was called. But, like, thinking back on some like cosmic connections that I've had, um, I'm like, okay, you know this does exist, um, so anyways, well, thanks for sharing that with us today. You know, just letting people know that it sucks, and sometimes you have to reshift your People know that it sucks, and sometimes you have to reshift your perspective and your view and mindset, obviously to see the good, yeah, and then be willing to accept the good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and learn from the bad. Well, and then that was actually one of the questions I wanted to ask that I wrote down was what are the most important lessons you've learned from your healing so far? Okay, so what about you? I think, just like being me like the most important thing is how much I've shifted in the negative to positive self-talk.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:And I think focusing on that, like literally, I'm the type of person that I focus on everyone else. No, you're a very giving person. I'm extremely giving, I'm extremely loving. Like I don't want to say people are blessed to be my friend, because that's very vain of me to say, but I'm just like. You probably think the song is about you. Anyway, I'm not vain, even though I did just sound like I was vain.
Speaker 2:I think what it is is that you know you're, you know what you bring to friendships and you can't. You're an empath, right? You're an empath, so you feel and you give everyone your feelings. You also wear your heart on your sleeve and you know. Anyone that knows you knows that of you Like even people that are my friends know that about you. But also you are. You are someone that is not afraid to hold a grudge, which is kind of reverse for me, yeah, you and I are totally opposite in that sense.
Speaker 2:Like back in the day I used to hold a mad grudge and I was. Everyone considered me a bitch. I mean what honestly pissed me off that everyone was like Natalie's such a bitch and I'm like what, anyways? But now I feel like that has rubbed off a little bit of me onto you. Maybe it's just me being having to be a mom and I try to be objective, okay, but I'm only holding.
Speaker 1:I don't like you're making it seem like I'm holding multiple grudges.
Speaker 2:No, I'm not saying that, but I'm saying that if someone wrongs you, then you will hold them out.
Speaker 1:They're out of my fucking mind.
Speaker 2:You will hold a mad grudge. Yes, they're out. They're out of my fucking mind. You will hold a mad grudge. And I see I don't have any space in my head to be mad Like my ex-husband, for example. I had to learn to forgive, but also that was what I worked with in many, many months of my therapy. Okay, that's fair. This wasn't an attack on like Attack on me again.
Speaker 1:No, no, it was just saying like you love, I love hard, but I also hate harder. You also don't like harder, right? Yeah, like, for example, I don't care to be nice to some people in your life because I don't like them, Just like I guarantee you, if you ran into people that have done me wrong, you will fucking be a bitch to them. I know that for a fact.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't be a bitch to them, I probably would just look the other way and dodge. You know, like when I moved back to where we live, I was like God, if I see anybody from high school or even college, I'm just not going to, I'm going to ignore them. But that never happened, like I never saw anybody.
Speaker 1:I do think like where we grew up is like getting larger, in a sense, like there's like yeah, and I don't know anybody anymore.
Speaker 2:I mean some, but anyways.
Speaker 1:Back to like that question. Right, I cause you were saying I'm an empath and I hate hard. Apparently, yeah, like if you do me wrong, you're out. Well, that's why you?
Speaker 2:I'm very, very proud of you in the sense that after your breakup, you you were not one to follow back up with him or ask for closure.
Speaker 1:No, that was it. But in the past, in your other two breakups that you had one or two, yeah, and the other two breakups that he did, I did ask questions, I did blow him up and then I was like fuck that, he doesn't want me. We were literally getting married. Why am I going to ask him why? I think we had a little bit of like two, three days after our breakup. Yes, we were in communication because we had to talk about some things about the wedding. You know, it was unfortunate and I hated it.
Speaker 1:And now and then there was a couple of things like maybe one or two other exchange and anyway, and we literally left it. At that. I was like you know, we had a nice exit conversation, if you will. We both wished each other well because at that point that's all you could do, that's all I could do. I'm not going to beg for you to be back with me, Like I did that two times and then you fucking broke up with me before my our wedding, Like I'm not doing that anymore. So no, literally no contact. We have not spoken since my breakup. I have not seen him, I have not reached out to him. There is no connection whatsoever. Communication Connection communication, nothing Like. There might've been a couple of people in college that might've known what was going on, or you know, but even so, there was a time where I was going to go to a wedding that he was going to go to and he ended up not going.
Speaker 2:Because he found out you were going. That's the rumor.
Speaker 1:A fucking coward. That's the rumor. I don't know Right, well there was a rumor Rumor, be damned.
Speaker 2:It probably came from a place of truth.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, so I actually was prepared to see him at said wedding, because you were looking, I was looking fire. I was looking fucking hot. Yeah, jessica did my hair. I bought a bomb ass dress. We were your hype team, you and Jessica went to the hotel. We were your jet, you were my jet, I was pookie, you and Jessica were jet Anyway. So yeah, there was a time where I was mentally preparing myself to see him at this wedding.
Speaker 1:And we worked on some words and like some, some phrases, some one liners, if, if he would have said something to you if he would have had the balls to come up to me which I doubt that would have happened anyway. So it turns out I didn't see him and here we are, years later, still haven't talked to him or seen him, and some people think that is so bizarre and I'm like why we're not together, we're done, we're over. He's literally dead to me and so, hypothetically speaking, if I ever see him again, I think you should just look the other way. I might just like kind of like, just like acknowledge like we saw each other. No, and then be like okay, we are moving on. You are a ghost in my past.
Speaker 2:I would just walk right past him as if you don't know who the fuck he is. Because you don't, I don't.
Speaker 1:I mean, you don't know who the fuck he is because you don't, I don't. I mean, I don't know who he is anymore and he probably doesn't know who I am because I have changed so much since then. Well, maybe he does by listening to the podcast. If he listens to the podcast, and I don't even fucking care if he does, because guess what? I moved on and so did he, and that's all we could say, right? So the biggest thing I've learned from myself in this healing journey is give no fucks, do you boo boo and just love yourself, because I'm not going to have this alone time to myself anymore. Moving forward, because who knows where I'm at in my love life? I'm open to it a thousand percent. I'm exploring things with people and I'm just focusing on me, and I think that's something that I loved and I learned throughout my healing journey.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Well, what about you? Just to keep it short, basically, stay objective. Don't take things personal and know that people aren't doing things. Trust in your heart that most of the people in your life are not doing things to deliberately hurt you, right? Because if so, then you have a bad friend, and shame on you for not catching that, because I feel like we're wise enough in our years to know people right.
Speaker 2:I mean there are going to be snakes in lives, but staying objective, not taking things personal, and just finding peace, yeah, it's kind of like I saw a lot and I have like that's kind of where I am okay in life. And lastly, I know we usually talk about books, but keeping it real, I finished.
Speaker 1:I finished a fiction. I mean, yeah, we talk about books, but like we don't really talk about books, I know, but I like to kind of bring it back to self-help growth you know, and I did, I I read a smutty book and it was deliciously wonderful.
Speaker 2:What smutty book did you?
Speaker 1:read.
Speaker 2:Like super smutty. Not my level of smut. I mean you have like some.
Speaker 1:X level. There. I saw I sent you this reel. It's like rom-com, cowboy romance, dark romance, fantasy romance and I'm all of those categories. But I really am into the dark romance, like that's why I'm so kinky, that is why I like kinky shit.
Speaker 2:It's like just it's like breaking laws, dark romance. I'm not going to say anything. But it was called Harley Fortune. It was her last book from last year. It was like meet me last summer. Oh yeah, yeah, I saw that on your goodreads it was so good and, like I've read all of her books, I've read her last three books. Her first one was good. Her second one was terrible. Oh shit, terrible. Like two stars, I think, terrible. I don't ever give one star.
Speaker 1:I don't give one stars either two stars, basically one star to me. Yeah't give one stars. Either Two stars is basically a one star to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, three stars. I'm like you're average.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and four is like good Five is like, I try to keep my fives to like the best.
Speaker 1:I see I've been giving a lot of fives lately.
Speaker 2:Well, maybe they're all just like the best books for you, just good books. If they're dark romance, I don't understand how it can be a five star. Yes, I've had some really good five star dark books. Anyways, this last book was so good. There was more smut than I was anticipating. It was good. It was good. It was like a brother, best friend's brother kind of love, gosh.
Speaker 1:I always kind of wanted that, but you know, we never were attracted to any of Chad's friends Never.
Speaker 2:Chad, on the other hand, Did he? Was he in love with one of your friends? He was, he was in like from the sixth grade. He there was a couple of girls in New Jersey that he, like, was obsessed with.
Speaker 1:That is so funny, but you guys are like 18 months apart, so you're closer in age and you're going to hang out with each other more.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like growing up. You need to read the King of Sin series, because King of Envy is coming out in April. Wow, and that's book five of her.
Speaker 2:Atomic Habits is going to be what I'm going to read this weekend, because it's spring break and my kids won't be with me, so I'll have some downtime. Nice, yes, so we'll do some reading.
Speaker 1:Anyways, thank you for sharing everything you shared today. It was totally lighthearted, but, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I mean, it gives people it gives people hope.
Speaker 1:It gives people like there is light at the end of the tunnel, like I swear to you, in your darkest times you're going to feel like it's, you're going to like so many negative thoughts or like you're, you're just in an unhappy place. But I promise, if you just take a step forward and move on like, move along with your life like, it will get better and you will have happiness. So, yes, my soapbox, perfect, anyway. Well, thanks again for tuning in guys. Feel free to like and subscribe. We we're not YouTube yet, are we no?
Speaker 2:Okay, so just like and follow, like and follow us and then hopefully this video works out and we'll be able to upload snippets. But we appreciate you guys listening as always. Leave us a review or send us a fan mail and we will shout you out yeah, absolutely, we will talk to you guys next week.
Speaker 1:Okay, toodles, bye.
