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Dumped & Divorced
Love is the greatest thing ever...until it isn't. When two sisters experienced relationship trauma through a broken engagement and a divorce after almost a decade of marriage, hosts Natalie and Maressa learned to lean into each other to make it through a life changing time. Dumped & Divorced is a space where they will talk about life after heartbreak and the redemption through it all. A space where you can come to hear stories about the hard stuff. In hopes that you feel less alone in any hardships you might be facing. Tune in weekly as we tackle topics of healing, rebuilding, self-love, and finding strength in the aftermath of life’s most difficult moments. Follow the show on Instagram @dumpedanddivorcedthepodcast
Dumped & Divorced
We Ignore Red Flags Until We Can't Anymore
Dating after heartbreak requires a keen eye for warning signs that could prevent future pain. In this candid conversation, two sisters unpack the sometimes complex, often hilarious world of relationship flags - from the bright green signals of a promising match to the crimson warnings that should have us running for the hills.
Drawing from their personal dating disasters, they share stories that will have you nodding in recognition or gasping in disbelief. There's the infamous "shrimp tail incident," where a date casually grabbed and ate the discarded shrimp tails off Maressa's plate, claiming it was a "delicacy." Then there's the supposedly "divorced" man who suggested hotel room "staycations" instead of home visits - only for her to discover later his wife was pregnant!
The sisters explore how we often ignore early warning signs when we're attracted to someone, distinguishing between quirky behaviors we can accept and serious red flags that should never be overlooked. They emphasize that controlling behaviors, dishonesty, and how someone treats others reveal fundamental character traits that won't improve with time.
Green flags get equal attention, with the sisters highlighting the importance of emotional intelligence, respect for boundaries, and shared values. They acknowledge that while perfect partners don't exist, certain standards should never be compromised. As they put it: "You cannot change anybody and you will not change anybody."
Listen in for an honest, sometimes hilarious conversation about navigating the dating landscape with your eyes wide open. Whether you're actively dating or taking a break from romance, you'll walk away with sharper instincts for spotting both warning signs and promising green flags in potential partners.
Yeah, happy.
Speaker 2:Friday Welcome back guys.
Speaker 1:Yes, welcome to Dumped and Divorced, where we are two sisters and we talk about life after heartbreak. My name is Natalie.
Speaker 2:My name is Marissa and this is our podcast.
Speaker 1:Yes, it is.
Speaker 2:Welcome.
Speaker 1:Happy Friday, episode nine. Yes, okay, so a little behind the scenes truth. Yeah, so we have spent multiple hours today getting our episode ready for you and it just didn't happen. We introduced video last week where we are able to kind of show reels, but we wanted to do the two screens and it ended up turning into a big mess, so we paused, we went and got Mexican, some Mexican margaritas, yes, and here we are back to one screen and we're going to deliver some content.
Speaker 2:So I um have you heard that? That um that like Tik TOK, where it was like give me a wrong one, margarita, no no it's so inappropriate so I won't say it.
Speaker 1:Okay, it doesn't have to do with sex. Yeah Well, very on par for you. So anyways, uh, this is episode nine and we wanted to come and talk a little bit about what do we got on deck flags?
Speaker 2:flags, green flags, x you name it right like we feel like this was a common thing that we talked about, even between sisters right when we started going on dating apps and going on dates. We talked about some like red flags, green flags and just x, and so we figured it would be a very relatable topic, and we're going to talk about some that are non-negotiable for us.
Speaker 1:Correct. We're going to talk about all the colored flags, not beige, because that means boring and we don't want boring More. So red flags right, and this isn't necessarily this is some personal experience, but this is more so just about the general concept of what women sometimes just kind of accept. Is that kind of some truth?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I do think that when you are in a relationship, you one does not think immediately of red flags. Right, I can go back to my previous relationship. Are there some flags? I could have known that they were there, absolutely. Did I acknowledge them? No, I didn't, but I also feel like I'm in a place now where I can recognize them. I'm confident in who I am as a person to understand what, how to recognize. But it's also really hard when you're like, also going back in the dating scene, right, like you get these icks but you're like, is that a red flag or is that worth not exploring more? Right Cause I think that's something that us women have a hard time maybe looking past because they don't want to seem like negative.
Speaker 1:Well, I think when you start dating somebody, you try to see the good in people, and when you're starting to get to know someone, you have to be vulnerable, but you're also, at the same time, keeping your guards pretty like up right, because you don't chances are you don't know this person and you either swiped on them or someone connected you to them or you randomly had an encounter with them out and about. I know, for me, trusting is something that I have to be able to trust someone in order to continue a relationship with them. And when you're starting to get to know someone again, you're very guarded. So you might not see all of the red flags in the beginning and then, if you do see one, it might be so minuscule that you're like, okay, I can live past that. So let's talk a little bit about flags, and I know that I can speak for me personally is a huge reason why I'm not dating right, because the last time I tried dating there were some red flags. That came dating.
Speaker 1:There was some major red flags and it it just brought me back to a place where I'm like, okay, no, um, I'm not going to say I had PTSD, because that's a little aggressive, but it made me feel very uncomfortable and I was like, yeah, no, this no matter. No matter how little we know each other, how much we know each other, no matter how little we know each other or how much we know each other, I won't ever look past this right here.
Speaker 2:And what was that? If you don't mind me asking, was it something that he did or was it more of just general like? This is reminding me of other relationships that I'm not okay with.
Speaker 1:So it, you're real close to me.
Speaker 2:I feel like the lighting is really good. I'm just actually snuggling with you.
Speaker 1:So the red flags with this specific okay, hold on, okay, let's try this again, okay, okay. So the red flags was just the control piece. So what are red flags? And I'm not saying these things from like personal opinion, but more so from what Mr Google says, right, so controlling behaviors, lack of respect, obviously quick to anger, I mean, these are pretty aggressive, these are intense yeah, intense characteristics, but let's be real, these are intense, yeah, intense characteristics, but let's be real, anyone that?
Speaker 1:and I think there was another website that we were looking into. I think it was like anyways, I think it was a more credible site than this AI Google page. But it was saying that lack of empathy towards others, and I know that that is one thing that you said in the last time we tried to record this episode. But we've already spent a whole hour recording this, so this is round two, but it's all new.
Speaker 1:So similar, but new Similar but new. Lack of empathy towards other people and I know that one of the things that you said was the wait staff right, Like how they treated.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like that to me is very important when I go on a date with a guy, if they're rude to a server, that to me is just an ick Like and I think an ick is more of like a mainstream term now but that to me is just kind of disrespectful because we know that. I mean, I feel like when I was first out of high school, my first job, it was like being a server and when people were-.
Speaker 1:Were you a server, I'm sorry. Or were you just a hostess?
Speaker 2:No, I was a hostess and I was a server. I was a server at Fuego and Forno.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the restaurants outside of you took people's orders.
Speaker 2:Bitch, Do you not know my life? Like you're my older sister, I was a server at Forno Fuego and home.
Speaker 1:I thought you were just a hostess, oh my.
Speaker 2:God, I'm mad at you. No, I was well. I started off as a hostess at Fajita Grill and then I became a hostess at Fuego and then I became a server. I also was a server with Nicole Nicole can back me up here. I was a server with her at Forno and then in college, the semester I moved back home I was a server at the restaurant home. Okay, I don't know why.
Speaker 1:I totally-.
Speaker 2:This bitch trying to clock me on my high school post.
Speaker 1:Hey, nothing wrong with hostess with the mostest. That's kind of who you are, but I didn't realize-.
Speaker 2:I was a server Actually, at home. The restaurant is called home, so to some people who don't know this restaurant, you're probably like what is she saying? Is it no longer there? I thought it was still there. Anyway, it's called home. It's outside of big canoe, really nice Like American cuisine. I was still in high school.
Speaker 1:I was about to graduate high school, I think I learned how to open a bottle of wine at that restaurant and I how did you serve?
Speaker 2:You weren't even 21. Can you not serve alcohol?
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Well, I opened a bottle of 21, a bottle of wine?
Speaker 1:No, because.
Speaker 2:I, maybe I was 21. I don't know, natalie, it's been fucking like 15 years. Yeah, I'm going to have to ask mom and dad. Oh, oh, oh, I'm going to have to ask mom. Oh, that's so sad. Dad was a frequent. He would always go and request my tables. I'm going to have to ask my mom on when I was working at home. Maybe I was a freshman and called Well, no, a freshman, I still would have been under 21. Anyway, regardless, derailed, de-fucking-railed that conversation. A server, I was a server, you were a server.
Speaker 1:In case anyone questioned? That I was a server. You were a server, in case anyone questioned that I was a server. So empathy towards serve staff like servers.
Speaker 2:Like that's just to me, like if you're rude to serve servers, like who are you POS?
Speaker 1:in my opinion, so one of the questions I have for you is what, now that we've kind of talked about some red flags I think there's levels of red flags- I agree, I would agree.
Speaker 1:So cheating, lying, deceit, manipulation, gaslighting, those are all like hardcore, non-negotiable red flags that if you come across that you should run the other way. There are some red flags where you know, like you went on a date with someone right and he, well, you can tell the story. You can tell the story however PG you want, or, however, not PG you want. Are we talking about shrimp guy? Yes, okay.
Speaker 2:The floor is yours. Yeah, so Natalie's trying to essentially lead me to this conversation. There was a guy that I met organically and again, I'm all for it. Like, if you know me, I haven't been on the apps in a minute because I've been meeting a lot of guys organically or through friends and I'm very much so for that. I think sometimes that kind of situation brings more curiosity in the mix, and I'm also a hopeless romantic and I just think that you want that I want that meet cute anyway.
Speaker 2:So I was at a concert with you and another girlfriend of mine and we had mexicans, we had like margaritas and I had a cute little like bucket, like a like a bucket of, because one of the options is margarita in a cup or margarita in a bucket and we bought the margaritas in the bucket because we were there for a concert and it was a long night so I got a margarita bucket and I was chatting, I was hanging out.
Speaker 2:we ran into some people I knew from high school and it was just like a really good time. This guy approaches me and asks me what I'm drinking. I, of course, engage in the conversation Because you're nice. Okay, would you have not engaged in the conversation?
Speaker 1:Were you attracted to him?
Speaker 2:I didn't think he was ugly. Was he my type?
Speaker 1:No, but you're also trying. I'm like getting out of my type.
Speaker 2:I've kind of stepped away from the guys I used to date and it could be for the best. Yes, I've been exploring other options. Like I will not discriminate anything at this point. Okay, so back to the dude I feel so bad that we named him shrimp we can call him concert man, we can call him concert man.
Speaker 2:Concert man starts talking to me. Great conversation, conversation. He asked for my number. I thought he knew the guys we were with. I thought he knew like one of my high school buddies and he was a friend of a friend. Turns out he just was there. Natalie claims that that's a red flag, like if you just go to a concert by yourself, that's a red flag. I could see where that could be like a little like why aren't you hanging out with somebody else? But I'm also about all about spontaneity. Like I did, I just say that word, right, I think so.
Speaker 2:Spontaneity, spontaneity, spontaneity, spontaneity.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Spontaneous Okay, Georgia girl let's go Georgia girl.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm not going to say like hometown where we're from, okay, Well anyway.
Speaker 2:So I'm all about like being spontaneous. So we he gets my number, we start texting. We go on a date. I'm like giving this guy a shot. He shot his shot. Okay, also confidence. I loved that he approached me. No like, and he gave no, no fucks given Like I'm going to ask this girl for her number. We gave no, no fucks given Like I'm going to ask this girl for her number. We go on a date. We go to this cute little seafood place. I order shrimp and grits. Okay, this is where the plot thickens. While I'm finished Great conversation, I think he's very kind, right, like. Nothing was like alerting me, if you will.
Speaker 1:Because I've also told you that you weren't first majorly attracted to your ex-fiance in the beginning, right? So sometimes attraction grows with you know, over time, over time, with trust, with love.
Speaker 2:So like Getting to know them. Yes.
Speaker 1:Totally.
Speaker 2:Yes, natalie did make that because initially I was like he's not my type and she was like you never. You weren't into your ex-fiance at first and I was like touche, I mean I never. I wasn't like not into him but I wasn't like head over heels, obsessed with him. It wasn't like that magic, instant connection, that which apparently Natalie's been searching for.
Speaker 1:You have too, I have too, but you, you mentioned that in like one of the episodes, so I just had to reel it back. Yes, I strongly believe in that, but anyways, and you will get there.
Speaker 2:Passion is true, but back to it, right? I wasn't initially attracted to him, but I was like he's a cool guy, like he seems nice.
Speaker 1:You go and get the shrimp, and then what happens?
Speaker 2:And he asked me if I was done and I was like, yeah, and it was a really, it was really good shrimp and grits. And then he was like are you going to finish that? And I was thinking, what is there to finish? There's nothing left, just my shrimp tails. This man snags my shrimp tails and eats it off of my plate and I like I started laughing awkwardly because I didn't know what else to fucking do and I'm like did he just grab my shrimp tail from my plate and he ate it? And he said it was a delicacy in some countries is that true?
Speaker 2:I don't know. I never fact checked him, but I was so awkwardly uncomfortable where I just left it off and we rolled with it and that I should have been like what the fuck? Like, ew, right, and then the date continues. We wrap up, we get a drink at another place, things are fine, so I'm like I'm gonna look past this. This is just maybe a weird thing that he encountered, or maybe he's just.
Speaker 1:He's just an interesting soul because I think sometimes it is important to understand in the beginning phases and stages of dating you're going to have to look past some of the quirks of them.
Speaker 2:No one's going to be perfect.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:So after dinner, you know, he walks me to my car. He's a gentleman and we text some more. Well, I call Natalie and my other really really good friend and I tell them and I'm like he ate my shrimp tails. They're like that's weird, but I was like you know what, like to me that was an ick Like, it was just weird, but it wasn't like so gross that I was like abort mission. So I still was like I'm going to continue this, right, I'm going to just get to know him some more Over time.
Speaker 2:There was a couple more dates, there was a couple more hangouts, there was a couple more things that happened where I was like okay, this is getting consistent and it's getting a little weird. But in that moment I wasn't like red flag. Now I don't know, maybe if somebody fucking picks something off of my plate in the future I'm going to say that's a little weird, I'm not going to go through that. But like in your case, like if that happened to you in that moment you're not like, you're not going to say, like deuces, I'm out Right.
Speaker 1:Well, I think that. So, between the fishtail, between him eating with his mouth open between the loogies at his house, he hawked a loogie.
Speaker 1:He's like he was yeah, you guys were just like hanging out on the porch and then he hawked a loogie and that was disgusting. Like I think in the beginning, when you're dating someone or getting to know somebody, you need to be on like you need to be in front of RIP Queen Elizabeth, Like that is what our parents used to say is act like you were in front of royalty. You want to be on your best behavior and it's so that you can present yourself in a way that shows some class.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's fair.
Speaker 1:And okay. So the whole point of this conversation is that red flags, those were all red flags and me and Marissa's friend were like give them another shot, give them another shot. So going back to the initial red flags is, I believe, that there's levels of severity. I guess, and I think personal grooming is one that you might like accept one red flag or two red flags and then try, in the hopes that they would either straighten out Cause that's what we said we were like well, maybe you can just like remind him how to eat properly. I don't know. I mean also, maybe he wasn't taught that, maybe he didn't grow up in a like you didn't.
Speaker 1:Really, I don't think you didn't get to like that's not a conversation, like a question you ask on a first or second date, like tell me about your mom. I mean I know that one of your dates they did ask that and you were like so caught off guard. But I think that that's something that you start. When someone for me I don't say anything about my family, I mean I'll say like we're close, but then that's it. Like I don't really explain a lot about my family, I'm like why? And then you even went on that date with the Atlanta guy and he was like tell me about your family and like your relationship and I just thought that was a little weird, that was a little, it was a little intrusive.
Speaker 2:I mean he would yeah like he was like diving in really hard and to I took it, as he was just trying to get to know me but it felt very intense, like the fact that he wanted to know where I was, like what my relationship was with my family. Then I asked him right, I flipped and I asked the same question. And it's because there's some issues there and he doesn't. He's not close to his family.
Speaker 2:So I'm like okay well that's a red flag too right. I'm like, okay, well, that's a red flag too right, because I feel like I need somebody that's close to their family.
Speaker 1:But maybe that is what he is looking for, like he didn't have that and he's looking for some like a family, like a partner that has a tight relationship so that he can be a part of it. But coming from two women who have very strong relations with their family and having long term relationships, it's not the same. The relationship that boyfriends, girlfriends like in Chad's case have with us is different. I mean, it's genuine, but it would never be truly. You know what I'm saying, marissa.
Speaker 2:Yes, I think what you're, you and I share that in a sense, and I feel like even our brother can probably relate to that. But it could be hard to meet somebody that has that same values and morals as you do, and I think that's also where dating can be a struggle in 2025, because so many people have different views on things, where it becomes a point where you're like where am I going to bend, what am I going to be okay with and what am I not going to be okay with?
Speaker 1:What are?
Speaker 2:the red flags and what are the green flags? Because you're not going to find that perfect person, unfortunately.
Speaker 1:No, it would be ideal. I wish I could just like make mysteries.
Speaker 2:Oh my, God, I would have five book boyfriends that I would be obsessed with. But I'm sorry, those are fictional men, right Like they're not coming to bed with me. I can't make them as a human person. But there are people that you know you're going to have to make those compromises and I a thousand percent believe that a healthy relationship will make harm compromises.
Speaker 1:but that doesn't mean that you need to bend on those red flags Right, and that is, I think, what a lot of times we feel like we have to do.
Speaker 1:Like we'll see a red flag and we'll be like, okay, we can work past it. And I have seen countless like videos on social media like you cannot change anybody and you will not change anybody, which I think is why, especially when you get out of a long-term relationship, you're kind of picky on what you choose. Oh, a thousand percent. I mean, some people might not be right, but I know I can speak of that. For me and for you it's important. So, red flags and bending I think personal grooming, small things like that, is something that might could be slide under the radar for a couple of times. But then more serious offenders like lying and dishonesty and manipulation and just like those are things that we shouldn't ever kind of accept.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I think too, like I think in the moment and I'm going to say I was I fell into this. In the moment I didn't realize any of the things that I saw were red flags. I had concerns and questions, but I never said, oh, this is a red flag, I'm going to bounce.
Speaker 1:There's no doubt about it, that you get blinded, for sure.
Speaker 2:You get blinded.
Speaker 1:You do.
Speaker 2:You know and you look past it. You want to see the best in somebody and you want to say like I love this person. And then we're going to make it work.
Speaker 1:But I think it's different in the beginning, when you're starting to date someone, and when you've been with someone, and then that's when you see the red flags Right. So there's a big difference there, which is why I've decided to stop dating, because the last time I tried to date there was some red flags. It was like controlling.
Speaker 2:You gaslighted the shit out of you, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I was like fuck, no, like nope, not doing it. I'd rather be alone forever and be happy with my children and with myself, right, yeah, forever and be happy in with my children and with myself, right, yeah, then, just be that. So, like in my case. This dude was asking me who I was dating, who I was hanging out with. I went on a couple of dates with him, like who essentially I was grinding up on when he asked you that, I was like who the fuck does he think he is?
Speaker 2:like, are you out here every weekend and just booty dancing with people like how old are we? It's insecurity. It comes down to insecurity because he thought like but another thing that that pisses me off too is I haven't, well, I can't say there has been a situation where at one point I was in conversation with two guys. Right, I never had a conversation with both any like within each individual saying I'm exclusive to them. They it was through an app.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, because he asked me, like who else I was going on, who else were you going on dates with?
Speaker 2:Like that is none of his business, like if you meet on a dating app, it's clear that everyone's on dating apps. It's clear that you met another person on a dating app and the whole point of dating is to get to know someone and not like you can't meet um match one and then be done. Right? No, absolutely not. You gotta have a roster.
Speaker 1:So um anyways, but let's talk about green flags.
Speaker 2:Well, hold up. I want to go back to the roster comment, because one thing that pissed me off is he belittled you. Okay, You're not going to talk. I think you never. You didn't you straight away from that. He belittled you and made you feel like you were doing wrong by not having.
Speaker 1:Oh, when I ended it.
Speaker 2:Yes, and also like, not like being able to have other conversations, but the thing is you never were exclusive.
Speaker 1:He made it seem like, as long as you have time for me, me I'm fine with it, I'm like no, but why would you even say that Cause at the time? At that time, I was like texting two people.
Speaker 2:You were texting other guys, which there's nothing wrong with that, like that pisses me off when a man like makes you feel bad about you being like open to other options. Like unless you say I want to be with you and only you, or you're my only person I'm speaking to, like I any guy I speak with, I know that there is a chance that they might be talking to another girl.
Speaker 1:If you don't, then that's you're dumb. You're just upsetting yourself in the long run.
Speaker 2:And then if they leave you and then they're like I found, I found another match or I like found someone I actually connect with more, then you're heartbroken and you're like what the fuck? No, I'm sorry. Yeah, no, you set yourself up for failure. Yeah, I forgot. I forgot that and I forgot that I was like sort of and they were texting another guy, yes, and that that came organically in, a sort yes, one was an app, one was organically, and then he got pissed and he was asking you who you're grinding.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I was like fuck that, absolutely not.
Speaker 1:Yes no, yeah, and then, like, I ended up going to spain that summer, so again summer that summer was our wild summer.
Speaker 2:Like we went buck wild. Um, that was that summer, that yeah like summer 2023 in Spain was amazing for Natalie and I. We flourished, we had a time, we met people and it was just a good, a good ass summer, right Like we were, we were feeling, we were feeling ourselves in all of the ways. Yeah and there was nothing wrong with that. Everyone deserves that kind of summer in their lives.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, especially as like um, like, we were like 30 year old, like it was. You weren't 30 bitch, you were like 35. I said 30 year old, not like third, like, I mean like in the range of a.
Speaker 2:In my 30s, you said 30-year-old, as if you were 30. Oh no, I definitely did. I was like bitch, you were 35.
Speaker 1:No, I was married and had.
Speaker 2:You weren't married in Spain.
Speaker 1:Well, at 30, I was married. I was going to say what I'm pregnant.
Speaker 2:We are going way off topic here, anyway, but two green flags, so you were like I want to talk about green flags. There is a man on on Instagram that is known as like the green flag guy and he's so funny, like he'll find videos and he does red flag too, but he's getting more like, more popular on like being a green flag guy.
Speaker 1:We love a green flag guy, so I think that we're in a time where men are more able to talk about their feelings and their emotional health, and so for me, that is this is another reason why I've decided to stop dating is because the green flags right, Like until I meet someone that is fully comfortable in open communication and, you know, true, honest, just in their most authentic self, in I mean, what are some other green flags?
Speaker 2:I would say to me, a green flag is a very empath person, and maybe that's because I am an empath, but somebody who you can trust, someone who you respect. I also feel like to mic down. Mic down, not dicked down but mic down. Natalie's trying to get dicked down. No, I'm not no no, wrong sister, wrong sister, but somebody. I was actually surprised you weren't going to say something else and we're just going to leave it at that. We're going to leave it at that.
Speaker 1:No, I am not the like. Honestly, there's a lot of things that I can say and I'm not. I mean, I'm trying to hold my tongue because you get mad at me when I like insinuate that you are a hoe, so I'm not going to, because it's either I talk about Marissa being a hoe and then she gets pissed at me Because I'm not a hoe. Okay, so let me retract my words. A tease, a flirt, you know, all those things which you're not even saying, that you're not.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying, I'm not a flirt, I am a flirt and I am a tease.
Speaker 1:But You're right, you're not a hoe. You haven't had sex in a.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, we are not talking about my son, but back to green flag.
Speaker 1:Green flags.
Speaker 2:So I was going to say, sorry. Religion Sometimes people's green flag is their religion Like if they're like if you are Catholic or if you are, I don't know if that's one of my green flags.
Speaker 2:So for me, I actually would love, maybe because I've always dreamed of having a Catholic wedding. Well, you almost had that and that failed. So Thanks for reminding me. Yes, my ex and I shared that religion. I do think sharing that religion aspect could be a beautiful thing. Is it a requirement to all? No, but is it a green flag? Yes, because then you will be able to share morals in a sense, where you can raise your children without feeling like you're choosing one religion over the other.
Speaker 1:Isn't one of the morals in the Catholicism not having premarital sex? How's that for morals?
Speaker 2:for you. Well, you know, I broke that a very long time ago, but and not just once Shut the fuck up, bitch. Okay, premarital sex is so like 1990s. You are the one that talked about religion.
Speaker 1:I know, but like I'm also like.
Speaker 2:Out of the three of us, I feel like I'm the more Catholic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm not even a practicing Catholic anymore. You're not a practicing Catholic.
Speaker 2:sure, there were times where, yeah, I mean when I was going through my like ho phase, I was not gonna say my ho phase, I was gonna say, we've called it that before. No, no, I was gonna say when I was going through my freaking religious training, when I was gonna get married oh yeah, you know, there was a time where I was like am I having too much sex? Am I not having too much sex? But like sex isn't like I feel like sex is.
Speaker 1:I mean Catholics also don't believe in birth control, Exactly.
Speaker 2:There's some Catholic families that have 10 children. Okay, like I'm, I don't. I'm not the Brady bunch, but I have literally two, three, two sets of friends in Spain, where they were I don't want to say they were part of a cult, they weren't but they have a lot of siblings and it's because they were in that branch of catholicism where they truly just didn't believe in like stopping when good god wanted to have you, to give you another baby exactly, and so I, going back to my freaking green flag, I think sharing those morals could be a green flag.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was. That was where I was getting at, and, natalie, you made me feel like not a good Catholic, but it's okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:Well. I mean, and boundaries right. So that's something that respecting boundaries is so important, and I feel like now you and I both have kind of established our own boundaries with ourselves, with our families and just with anyone that we interact with, and knowing how to respect that is is a huge green flag or a major red flag. What? Oh nothing, Okay, Um, let's see what else. So what are?
Speaker 2:we doing. I know we've been trying to end some episodes Well and I think that was a good synopsis. If you will, on like red flags, green flags, I do feel like we could probably talk more on this.
Speaker 1:Well, there's, like some, that we didn't talk about with you, like the guy that was married and how that was a red flag, but in your defense you didn't realize he was married.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was not expecting to Well, I'm sorry, sorry you knew he was married, but he, he said he was separated. Back up, back up, back up. He told me he was divorced.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, divorced yeah, and he wasn't, and he was actually. His wife was having a baby his wife was pregnant which red flag that is a huge red flag.
Speaker 1:First of all, there were some red flags that came up of him that you like. Okay, let me ask you this, and we'll kind of end on this when you guys were like hanging out, like I don't know what you're gonna ask and I'm just bracing for the worst. When, when the last time, the one of the last times, you hung out with him, you guys hung out right, not at your house, not at his house. Um, so would you say, a red flag would be hotel rooms.
Speaker 2:I really well, I feel like, I feel like it's I, okay, fine, fine Cat's out of the bag. We rented a hotel room, Okay.
Speaker 1:But in your defense, one plus one is two. You didn't know that it was.
Speaker 2:I thought it was weird that I couldn't go to his place and he didn't want to go to my place. But the thing is is that we lived in the same area and he didn't want to like even though we were going out on dates and we were being seen in public and there was some mutual people. We knew he was very weird about us meeting at each other's houses. So he came up with the idea of let's get a hotel room and have a little staycation.
Speaker 1:Well, it sounds kinky and it sounds like kind of fun, right, I mean in a sort, but I think that that's a fucking red flag, Like I.
Speaker 2:In the moment I was like sure, yeah, let's get a hotel room and have a little staycation. But I was like this is weird.
Speaker 1:Okay. So let's say this that it's fine to maybe engage in the red flag theories or in the in the red flag accepting the red flag, but then after that, like you're like, you have to reevaluate and calculate. Like you're like, you have to re-evaluate and calculate, like what you're looking at Ultimately. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the whole point of dating is to meet someone that you want to eventually have a relationship with. Yeah, sure, that's so. I mean, looking past one, looking past two might be fine, but you kind of have to like, do a. What is it called A SWOT analysis? A SWOT analysis strengths, opportunities.
Speaker 2:Um, I don't know it's very like it's, it's very work Um SWOT analysis. Oh, it's like SWOT with like an O.
Speaker 1:Strength opportunity workforce.
Speaker 2:Weakness and threats.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, I was thinking SWOT, as in like U-A-T SWOT, S-W-A-T SWOT SWOT. Anyway, back to that red flag. Yes, in looking back, I should have seen that and I should have questioned it. I should have asked more questions and I should have clarified.
Speaker 1:Just like that one dude was asking me questions about pretty personal stuff. I think that now, after you've gone through some red flags, you're like okay, I'm going to try to dive deeper into it. What are you doing?
Speaker 2:I was just looking, somebody texted me. Well, yes, no it, it sucked and I didn't want to talk about that because I've moved on from that yeah, but it's a lot but it's enough.
Speaker 2:Anyone ever tells me they're divorced. I'm not gonna say I'm gonna ask for papers, but I'm gonna question when it was finalized and if they are truly divorced or if they're separated. Because if I get screwed over again by a man that tells me he's divorced and he's still with his fucking wife and his wife is fucking pregnant, I'm going to come and slaughter a man and then I'm going to be charged for murder, because why do men do this?
Speaker 1:Well, good news to you. Like I've already shared with you, the last time we went through this Divorce is public record. Oh, nine times out of 10, you can confirm that. Remember when I was texting the other guy and we like looked?
Speaker 2:confirm that remember when I was texting the other guy and we like, oh my God, we did look up at his divorce was finalized because I was jaded. That's the thing. Is any man that I and this was like two years ago, this was two years ago and please, anyone who's listening like I was joking about that, that slaughtering part? Obviously don't come after me, but I think what it is?
Speaker 1:is that be like breaking looking past red flags can red flags can be hurtful and more painful to the person that's looking past them. So for you and for your sake and for your protection and peace, if you see that red flag, then just count your losses and just be done.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, totally, and obviously that man is still with his wife. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, he's not with you and we are not like, but we've learned. We've learned and we've grown, and any other man I dabble with that is going through a divorce. I ask a couple more questions. So I've learned my lesson there, Um, and yes, okay, Well, we should wrap up. I'm not wanting to talk about that topic anymore, but sure. So what are you doing this week for your mental health? What are things that you're going to be working on um for you in your mental health journey?
Speaker 1:So I am. You know, I've been going to the sauna. That's always like a constant. I haven't necessarily been putting out my sauna thoughts. Um, they're brewing, they're like the thing storms.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I feel like those are coming. Um yeah, so I feel like those are coming. And for anyone that doesn't know, my sauna thoughts are just a space where I come and I write my truths and kind of just lay it out there. So sauna again this weekend. I don't have my children, children, so I'm gonna try not to get into trouble, like I was telling you, when I don't have my kids.
Speaker 2:I have this like urge of oh my god, yes, I know, yeah, but uh, people are thinking yeah people are thinking I'm like gonna say sex, but it's not.
Speaker 1:It's like going out and just letting loose. Letting loose, yeah, but so for my mental health I think I'm not gonna do that and I out and just letting loose, letting loose, yeah, but so for my mental health I think I'm not going to do that and I'm going to just focus on be like back to me, back on on getting on track. So what about you?
Speaker 2:So for me I have mentioned before that I'm training, I'm doing races, and so for me, what I, what's been helping my, my mental clarity, is going running, and that always is my escape, and it's also been something I've done in my healing journey, and so I'm going to prepare. I do have a 10K this weekend, so I'm going to prepare for that and just get ready, be in that mental zone of you know, it's not a marathon. I was going to say it's not a marathon, it's a sprint, but I said it wrong. It's not a marathon, it's a sprint, but I said it wrong it's not a sprint, it's a marathon. So, you know, just focusing on that and putting all of the good energy towards that, and that will probably be my continuous mental health like check, if you will, because I am training for a race.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I'm going to be doing 10Ks, half marathons throughout the year and that's going to be something I'm really going to focus on and I'm going to up, like I might, you know, start incorporating some more diets and stuff, but just getting my head right in that sense of preparing for that, so that's good, that's good.
Speaker 1:Well, we wish you the best of luck on your race. Um then, as always, we appreciate everyone who tunes in and listens. We're getting close to our next milestone for downloads. I want to say that we have listeners from multiple states, but also multiple countries outside of where we know people from. So, yeah, we appreciate the follows and the listens and anything else.
Speaker 2:Thanks again. We love you guys and just like and subscribe, tune in, follow all the whole nine yards and we will see you next week.
Speaker 1:Yes, Toodles guys Bye.
