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Dumped & Divorced
Love is the greatest thing ever...until it isn't. When two sisters experienced relationship trauma through a broken engagement and a divorce after almost a decade of marriage, hosts Natalie and Maressa learned to lean into each other to make it through a life changing time. Dumped & Divorced is a space where they will talk about life after heartbreak and the redemption through it all. A space where you can come to hear stories about the hard stuff. In hopes that you feel less alone in any hardships you might be facing. Tune in weekly as we tackle topics of healing, rebuilding, self-love, and finding strength in the aftermath of life’s most difficult moments. Follow the show on Instagram @dumpedanddivorcedthepodcast
Dumped & Divorced
Love Yourself First: The Codependency Reality Check You Didn't Know You Needed
Codependency sneaks up on you. One day you're falling in love, and before you know it, you've lost your sense of self, walking on eggshells and apologizing for things that aren't your fault.
We've both been there. As sisters who've weathered different kinds of relationship heartbreak, we're pulling back the curtain on codependent relationships – what they look like, how they form, and most importantly, how to break free.
Maressa opens up about her realization: "I lost who I was. I lost myself as an individual. I feel like I lost a spark in me, where I was just like a zombie going through the motions." Meanwhile, Natalie reflects on how her self-care vanished during her marriage: "Self-care is selfish – that just shows the toxicity, that lack of control."
The warning signs are everywhere once you know what to look for. Enabling your partner's problematic behavior. Making excuses for them. Avoiding difficult conversations. Apologizing excessively. Losing your boundaries. Sound familiar?
Breaking codependent patterns isn't easy, but it starts with rediscovering yourself. We share practical strategies that helped us: prioritizing self-care without guilt, learning to value yourself without seeking approval, practicing self-compassion, and developing a backbone instead of people-pleasing.
Our paths out of codependency were different – Natalie chose to leave her relationship, while Maressa's ex called off their wedding. Yet both journeys led to the same destination: rediscovering ourselves and building healthier boundaries.
Join us for this vulnerable conversation about healing, growth, and the journey back to yourself. Whether you're in a relationship that doesn't feel quite right or healing from one that's ended, this episode offers both validation and a roadmap forward.
Have you experienced codependency? We'd love to hear your story. Reach out to us on Instagram or through our podcast links.
We are live. Take three, tempt five. Hi guys, happy Saturday, hi everyone, welcome back. Welcome back to Dumped and Divorced. We are two sisters who talk about life after heartbreak. My name is Natalie.
Speaker 2:And my name is Marissa, and this is our podcast.
Speaker 1:Yes, it is so. Welcome to episode 11.
Speaker 2:We are dropping it on a Saturday, which we wanted to acknowledge. The reason we did it a day later was because it was Natalie's twin boy's birthday. So we were spending a lot of family time and just doing activities and we decided to not put a lot of pressure on this, because this is something Natalie and I do for fun.
Speaker 1:So you're still going to get us, though Just a day later. You can listen on your way to work on Monday.
Speaker 2:Yep Well, and also to like our episodes can be like folk listen, I feel like people. You know it's not something that we have to. You have to listen on a week to week basis. I mean, if you want to more power to you and we love that, we love the support, but also like, if you want to more power to you and we love that, we love the support, but also like if you listen to it a couple of days later, we are not offended.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, we appreciate that so many of you are listening to our stories and hearing us and reaching out, and we'll continue to always say that on each and every episode and we're grateful for you. So one thing I do want to quickly just mention at the start of the episode, because we kind of started in this path, is Chad. Last week our brother mentioned having listeners and even one of my girlfriends, one of my best friends, said you guys should do what Chad said Ask the listeners. And I know so many of you text us and so many of you are friends, but we have almost I don't know 2000 downloads. Yeah, let's look. I mean look at the numbers. Yeah, so way more people are listening than we know actually and like we talked to.
Speaker 1:So if you want to ask us a question, I mean obviously I've been divorced and have been navigating that post-life heartbreak and co-parenting for the past couple of years. Marissa has a broken engagement and if there's any questions or any feedback or any topics that you want us to cover, give us a message, shoot us a text. There's a way to shoot us a text from Spotify and Apple there's a little link and or even send us a message on Instagram. So what do we have on deck for this week, sis, yeah?
Speaker 2:So something that I've wanted to talk about and this was something that, again, natalie and I want to talk about, things that we've gone through, but also in relation to both of our situations, and one thing that we both wanted to kind of dive into was codependent relationships. So, cause I can, I can probably say I was in slightly a codependent relationship. I was very much so attached to my ex and I'm realizing all of those things Right. And also, too, I want to kind of give kudos to our brother, chad, who mentioned that you know, we were everyone's at fault.
Speaker 2:Like in some point of a relationship, like no one is perfect, no one is playing the victim, and so when Chad mentioned in the last episode, he was like you know, like we take the, I take fault. Like you know, I probably could have done stuff better. You know, now with my healing and through my therapy, I've really was able to understand that I was in a codependent relationship. But I was the one being codependent and I could say that freely because I did do those characteristics. So I really wanted to dive into it. We can talk about what the definition of it is and what are some possible characteristics, if you will, and then maybe dive a little bit deeper of what it is to be in a codependent relationship and what are things that you could do to overcome it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's good and sorry and the reason why you know we love that Chad always calling us out on our own stuff, but he also, you know, like you said, took responsibility, and we've said it before, we are not perfect. There was no doubt that I too had a hand in my relationship turning the way it did and becoming what it was for so long, but also I knew that I needed to be out of there and we weren't matched up together. Okay, what is a codependent relationship?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So according to you know, like an actual definition, a codependent relationships is unhealthy dynamics where one partner enables other others poor behavior, often at the expense of someone of their own needs. So sometimes it could be one sided abusive or emotionally destructive. Some of the characteristics of a codependent relationship is one covering up or shielding a partner's problems or taking excessive responsibility. Two self-sacrifice building an identity around saving the other person.
Speaker 1:Three Do you want to like dive into each of them? I feel like I think that there's. Those two are pretty big ones. Well, there's multiple signs in codependent relationships. Essentially, what that's telling me is that it's a toxic relationship. Right that you depend on each other so much. I mean there might be a way to save it and get out of it. I don't know, I wasn't able to do that in my relationship. But let's talk a little bit about. I mean, there's lots of definitions, but I think some of the big characteristics. I mean there's lots of definitions, but I think some of the I think some of the big characteristics. What was the first one that you?
Speaker 2:mentioned. I said enabling and self-sacrifice. Okay, so enabling was covering up or shielding a partner's problems.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So like making excuses for the partner, yep Making excuses, or like just avoiding having hard conversations because you were like I don't want to develop a conflict with this person, so like, also like walking on eggshells I feel like that's a term you could use, okay, and like biting your tongue.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, um, yeah, I've experienced some of those.
Speaker 2:I have a thousand percent experience with those.
Speaker 1:And it's not only in this. Isn't any and all relationships right Like we can talk? It's not just romantic, it can be friendship too. Very much so, because you know, I think, that that when you start depending on someone, or when you create that level of trust and that level of you have that string attached to them, there's easy ways to have a relationship go dysfunctional.
Speaker 2:Totally. Do you want me to keep going to the other ones? I feel like, why don't I like talk about a couple other characteristics and then maybe we could talk deeper. In that sense, okay, did you want to dive deeper into self-sacrifice? Well, self-sacrifice do you mean like it's like building an identity around saving that other person?
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:See, I don't. I mean.
Speaker 1:I can't relate to that. Yeah, I can't. So why don't you just pull ones that maybe you can relate to?
Speaker 2:Oh, okay Um apologizing, apologizing for that person, apologizing often, apologizing when you've done nothing wrong.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like that is something I actually. I've been told I'm too nice. I are. I've been told by multiple people I'm too nice, not just in my previous relationship with my ex-fiance, but in just day to day, like friends from my whole stages of life or just coworkers. I've been told I'm too nice and all I do is I'm like I'm sorry this, I'm sorry that, or you know, hey, I um, I'm sorry we put, we were put in that weird situation.
Speaker 1:But it's not your fault.
Speaker 2:It's not my fault, Like why the hell am I apologizing? I don't need to apologize for everything that I didn't even do wrong.
Speaker 1:So let me pivot, because I read something the other day and it's very similar to apologizing. So it was about a mom who was telling her kids I don't tell my kids to say it's okay when someone apologizes to them. For example, let's say someone knocks over your toy right and the other little kid apologizes and says I'm sorry. So many times just out of instinct, because we feel like we need to say it. We say it's okay but it's not right and I know that's not what really we're talking about, but it's kind of similar in the sense that we have this understanding and feeling that we need to let them know that it's okay but it's not right, just like you saying that you don't have to apologize because there's nothing at fault. And it's creating those boundaries.
Speaker 2:Yes, apologize because there's nothing at fault and it's creating those boundaries. Yes, and then also, boundaries was another. Like difficulty with boundaries is another characteristics of co-dependent relationships, and that's something that I had a very hard time with.
Speaker 1:Well, I think with that, for example, there is no boundaries, right, Because you kind of create a relationship based on him and I, or and I or her and I whoever whatever type of relationship you might be referencing and you do everything for them, they do everything for you. You're in each other's space and I think that that is something that, looking forward into future relationships and even teaching my children you have to become your own person.
Speaker 1:You can't meet someone and then become so much like that, like them, like what they want. Yes, there is some bend and that is kind of messy, so you're going to have to learn to navigate that because you do want to mold and grow together Totally. Because I remember I said that me and my ex husband, I don't feel like we grew in our relationship together, we grew kind of parallel. That is how I felt, and that's why we weren't truly connected and aligned, intertwined, intertwined.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Someone told me in high school that I made up that word and I was like no, it's not.
Speaker 2:Intertwined is a word I don't know, is it?
Speaker 1:Is it not a word I said intertangled?
Speaker 2:Intertangled. Okay, that, yeah, that is not a word, but intertwined I'm going to look this up Is intertwined.
Speaker 1:A word Intertwined is definitely a word Intertwined. We should, we should get my Intertwined.
Speaker 2:Yes, it is, it is a verb, or I mean it's a verb.
Speaker 1:It is a verb. Let's not talk about the types of words, because we know that you're not the best with that, but back to those boundaries and yes, so you want to be able to create a life where you're your own person? Yes, but also in alliance with them.
Speaker 2:So another characteristic is loss of self and that. So again, all of these things kind of go hand in hand, which is why I feel like, and there is okay. So Natalie and I are talking about codependent, but there are, you know, I feel like I've seen on TikTok and a couple of my girlfriends were talking about this like attachment styles. So attachment styles are a whole different ball field and can get very specific, but we, what Natalie and I are diving into is codependent relationship.
Speaker 1:Which is more on the toxic relationship side, right, because everyone is attached. Yes, in a sense, us as human being and people, we want to grow relationships with people, right? So you're going to have attachments, but it's that unhealthy attachment aka codependency, right? That is what we're talking about. So one of the things that I read in regards to codependent relationships is self-care is selfish. And let me tell you something when I was married, I hardly got my nails done. I actually I remember asking to get Botox and like a hydrafacial or something like that, and it caused the biggest, like bickermint, and I get it. We were very broke. We were living paycheck to paycheck. So I do understand that. But I think we're talking about for, like, my birthday or for mother's day or something like that, and I'm going to tell you I won't budget for my self-care and I won't go without it, like I'm not doing my nails right now because I'm trying to be smart, but I am still self-caring by doing them myself, right?
Speaker 2:So I mean the fact that that like it is a sign of it right, is saying that self-care is selfish, like that just shows that toxicity, that like lack of control and that lack of like your self-esteem in a sense, because you're like, you're like, okay, well, they don't want me to get my nails done, so I'm not going to get my nails done, and it's like fuck that. Like all about that. Like badass energy there's like a term I was looking for, but of course I just like I'm going to mind blank, fall out of badass, bad bitch energy, right, and self-care is become selfish, right, that's huge. I think doing what you want to do is what, like your decision? Like sure, as a couple, you make decisions together.
Speaker 2:I'm not faulting that. A relationship doesn't deserve that communication, but if you feel like you can't set those boundaries or you can't, you know. There's another thing I read where it says that you feel anxious when you don't hear from them. That's another like thing that you know. If, hypothetically speaking, if they're like I need my space, I need a distance from you, like you feel extremely anxious and that's like another sign of a codependent relationship.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, but let me kind of pivot on the anxious, because when I had a husband and that was a long time ago, or even like a boyfriend or someone, well, even with you or anybody in the family, like, if I don't hear from you, I'm oh, oh my.
Speaker 2:God, you want to know what Natalie did when she didn't hear from me. She was about to fucking call the cops because I was not responding. Turns out I was just hanging out with somebody, Okay, and his house did not have good service, which is why now we have life 360. Natalie creeps on me, she's got dispatched on me and she knows my every freaking location. Um, but she almost called. She actually called, she was about to. She called my best friend to then call the guy. Okay, this is how. This is how. This is how Natalie is the mama bear and the mama sister. She's like I haven't heard from Marissa.
Speaker 2:Uh, she's not answering her phone and I'm going to get to the bottom of it, but she also. You are probably thinking the absolute worst. You're thinking that this man kidnapped me. I did, I was like yes, you were thinking like literally crime junkie shit, like you were thinking the worst. And it's not that that stuff doesn't happen because it does. We're laughing because I read that stuff and I love it.
Speaker 1:But Natalie's like oh my God. So when you say anxious, like I'm like, hold up, that's just me as a whole. So when you say anxious, like. I'm like hold up, that's just me as a whole. Yes, I'm an anxious person, and I didn't realize it until until I became a parent, I guess. So so we had to pivot, because I'm like wait, you're like um.
Speaker 2:I was anxious when I didn't hear from you.
Speaker 1:So that's what I'm saying is like I think that there there's a, there's, there's a healthy anxious, and then there's an unhealthy anxious, and when you're obsessing over, oh my God, they are supposed to be home. What are they doing?
Speaker 2:You're self-sabotaging it, then that is something different.
Speaker 1:Right Like me, I was just thinking shit, where's Marissa? What is she doing?
Speaker 2:She's with a guy.
Speaker 1:I was thinking like Dexter, like he's got her dismembered.
Speaker 2:And I loved Dexter, the show actually.
Speaker 1:It's a good one, yeah, but anyways, back to. I think we were talking about boundaries. I want to say this the reason why boundaries in codependent relationships are struggles is because that partner doesn't want the other individual to focus on their own needs or emotions or behaviors or desires, or even thoughts for that matter. So that's why those boundaries are hard to set in those codependent relationships.
Speaker 2:And that's kind of like where you need to check in with yourself, right, like you're like what do I need? And I think that was also something I've focused on. It's like I've realized I've came to this realization that I was somewhat codependent in my relationship and I did all of these things for my ex and I lost who I was. I lost myself as an individual. I feel like I lost a spark in me, in a sense, where I was just like a zombie, in a sense of just going through the motions because I felt like that was what was needed to be done.
Speaker 2:And now I'm like I guess I've been alone by myself for such a long time, in like by, like single, I guess, is what I'm saying is I now know what I want, what I need, and I need to check, and I check in with myself. I'm like what am I doing to make myself happy? I'm happy. Am I doing the steps that I know I want to do in my day-to-day or in my future? What I'm planning? What am I doing to bring myself happiness? Am I practicing mindfulness? What are my expectations? Figure out where those expectations are coming from and take time to communicate what you want and what you need, and that took a minute for me to get there, and I feel like it's a healthy realization, because, in order to like be with somebody else, you yes, you do have to bend and you have to make compromises, but that doesn't mean you need to change who you are.
Speaker 1:No, and that's, that's such a fine line, though. No, I mean. What do you mean? Even me, even me looking back, I mean I've said this before Mom said, oh you're, you're changing who you are. No, I'm not saying that being with XYZ made me a terrible person. We just were not good for each other. And the people that really love you, the people that truly support you and know who you are, they see the slight adjustment, right, I mean like, for example, I mean you can kind of just look at someone and see the change. I mean, most of the time, I mean I'll be real, my self-appearance didn't really matter to me. For example, I got pregnant and I didn't lose the weight and I kind of just like gained weight and then I've always struggled with that, but it didn't matter to me, right, because I was. I was happy in my relationship.
Speaker 1:And then even things like after babies, my teeth separated. Do you remember that? Oh my God, you had the biggest gap in your front teeth. So let's go back to like 2000 and I'm in sixth grade and all my friends have perfect teeth because they've already had braces. And my dentist was like you can't have braces because your mouth doesn't need spacing. You have a fine mouth. You just have, like, an over-pronounced nerve. There's a nerve in between your front teeth. So I had to wait and then finally, in eighth grade, I got braces, and I had braces for a couple of years.
Speaker 1:I didn't realize that was why you couldn't get braces, yeah. And thinking back when after pregnancy, after the twins, my teeth shifted and separated again and I mean we're talking about back to what it was in sixth grade when I hated it, so even that, like I would be self-conscious about it but I didn't do anything about it because you know, again, self-care is not important. And then I got divorced, I got my Invisalign, I got my teeth straightened again. See, they're all pretty and straight.
Speaker 1:I mean I did kind of crack one but or chip one one time, but you know that all those, all those little things matter. Like I started to lose weight. I've lost, you know. I mean I still have a long way to go, but I've lost like 50 pounds from my heaviest, and all of that stuff matters. So becoming dependent on somebody in the unhealthy ways, and then, even when you start to, just if it gets to the point where you're looking at yourself and you're like who am I, what am I doing? Who even was that person? Who even was that person all those years ago? So I don't know where I was going with that.
Speaker 2:But I mean, I think it's a beautiful thing to acknowledge and recognize that you were like I was in this rut of a time and now, like almost like a reflection, like look at me now, look at what's going, like I never felt better in my own skin and like that confidence is coming back. Yes, I feel like that's kind of breaking the pattern of a codependent relationship. So, instead of denying your needs, you're going to prioritize your self-care. Or, instead of trying to fix things or take care of everyone, feeling like you need to do everything, let someone else make their decisions. Let someone else make their own decisions.
Speaker 1:Learning to say no and being like you can take care of your own self. You're a grown person. Yes, what would you do if you weren't? So my question is like when someone asks me, please do this for me, I'm like what would you do if I wasn't here? Right, Like I even say this to my kids Mom, come here, Mom, come here. I'm like example they go to the bathroom. There's no toilet paper, Mom, there's no toilet paper. Were home by yourself. You would have to figure it out, right, they're not at the ages to be home by themselves. They're not going to be home by themselves. But that's what I'm trying to teach them.
Speaker 2:You're trying to build that.
Speaker 1:That if you start living life where you have to be so dependent on somebody and this isn't me saying that children do not need to be dependent on parents, because that is not what I'm saying will die for my children, but there's things like that. When they're at the age to understand, those are small things that you can start teaching them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, or like. Another way to break that pattern is, instead of seeking approval, like value yourself, like love yourself. You don't need someone's approval because you need to. That's like kind of like that low self-esteem. It's like, no, I value myself. Or like, if you're judging or criticizing yourself, practice self compassion. Just you know, reflect on that One of the biggest things for me people pleasing. I am such a people pleaser. No, I'm going to develop a stronger fucking backbone and I feel like I've gotten there in a sense, like I think you have for certain things I've improved you have.
Speaker 2:I've improved. I'm not all the way there, but I have improved and you know, I just I'm a firm believer of like looking back and acknowledging everything that you've gone through and also acknowledging what you've fixed and how you've gotten to that realization of that self-reflection, and that just goes back to that inner work that we talk about. Like healing. Your healing journey is not like there's not a stopping point. I think it's going to constantly. You're going to constantly be healing in some sort of way, whether it's emotionally, mentally, physically, in any relationship, right, like there's so many ways you could heal and so, but taking care of yourself, this all goes back to taking care of you, Like, for example, the work that we do journaling, going to the gym, saunaing, mindfulness, meditation.
Speaker 1:I don't meditate. I'm not going to say that I do but it is another form.
Speaker 2:I don't either, but it is a form of healing.
Speaker 1:So ultimately, we'll just kind of leave you with this. If you were to kind of look at your relationship or, you know, your life in a bird's eye view, what would you say? What would you say to you know, let's do this. If you're writing a letter to your future self, what would you say to your future?
Speaker 2:self. That's like a trend lately happening, is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh, I don't really go on TikTok. I mean I'll like randomly go on TikTok and post a like an Alani story or something, because I'm a OG, alani energy girl but isn't I didn't realize that but, like, look at your life and say where, what do I need to change?
Speaker 2:Yeah, like, it's like a trend of like, like 10 years, like 10 year old self, like what would you say to her? Like, if you're like writing a letter to her, and it's kind of I mean, we could do that if you want. Like, we could do like a letter, maybe not to our 10 year old self, but maybe to our like 2022 version of ourselves, when we were in the thick of it.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's what we're going to do, so next week, or maybe the next, the next couple of weeks, which the other day someone called me out Cause I was like a total, total, random, like sidebar to you. Natalie, what is a couple?
Speaker 1:a couple, a couple A couple of weeks.
Speaker 2:What is that?
Speaker 1:to you Two. Okay, a few is three.
Speaker 2:Did we have this conversation? Because I had this conversation with the coworker and they're like Marissa, a couple is literally a couple too, and I was like to me a couple of weeks is like two to four.
Speaker 1:I used to have that same Thought Perspective. But then someone told me, like I said, that I was like, oh, in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 2:So, like you're like one or two weeks.
Speaker 1:No, I used to think like two to four.
Speaker 2:Two to four weeks.
Speaker 1:Right, and they were like no, a couple is two, a couple is like one to two, right, and then a few, it's three to five. So then, what's more than five?
Speaker 2:Months down the road, I don't know. So in a couple of weeks, aka two weeks Within the next, within the next two weeks, yeah, natalie and I will be reading you guys a letter to ourselves three, four years ago, because we have both grown and reflected a lot over those years. Our life was turned upside down.
Speaker 1:We all, everyone knows Hit, hit this. What is it the ceiling?
Speaker 2:Hit the fan.
Speaker 1:Shit hit the fan. I think that's. I think that's a good exercise. So I've been trying to journal more and actually journal. I'm not going to say that sauna, I need more, I need more. So the sauna is great, my sauna thoughts are great. We're not going to talk about my sauna thoughts because we don't want a raging Natalie, right?
Speaker 2:now your sauna thoughts. This week was intense.
Speaker 1:Those who know know, I feel like journaling is definitely something that is speaking to me and actually I'm going to get back into my Bible. There you go.
Speaker 2:Good Friday, no Easter week, happy Easter.
Speaker 1:It is a sad Friday, but it's going to be a good Sunday.
Speaker 2:Oh wait, a. I mean I was like technically it's a sad. I mean I think you were talking about your personal life, but maybe you were talking about Easter weekend.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean it thinks that I don't have my kids this weekend.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah yeah, like today, jesus was crucified.
Speaker 1:But this isn't a religious podcast. We're not going to talk about that.
Speaker 2:I really thought you were going religiously. So I was like oh, okay, but you were talking about like personally. No, I was talking I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I thought you were talking personally, but you were talking religiously.
Speaker 1:Yes, it is a sad Friday, but it's going to be a good Sunday.
Speaker 2:The Lord has risen. And the Lord has risen.
Speaker 1:And I was telling the kids in the car going to their dads. I was like today is a sad day. It's a good day because it's birthdays and good times, but it is a sad day.
Speaker 1:It's a sad good Friday. Anyways, that's a good. I think that everyone should do that. You know what that's going to be. What we leave. That's our what were we doing? Like every episode, we try to's our what were we doing? Like every every episode, we try to like end with like what are you doing to like help your mental health? That's what we're going to do. We are going to write a letter to 2022 Natalie and 2022 Marissa, and we're going to ask you to do the same. You don't have to share it with us. You don't have to like send it in, but I think that you know us having these conversations, even if it helps one person realize you know what I need to I need to get out of a relationship or if it helps someone that's getting out of a relationship, anything like that, if we just are there for one person. That's all we want to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, cause, again, like Natalie and I've said this like we were there for each other, we were, and even our brother, chad, like Chad was there for us too. Um, and we did have an amazing support system on all fronts. Like Natalie had great friends, I had great friends, but it's always nice to know that you're not alone and that like if we could help you feel less alone less alone.
Speaker 2:That was the whole purpose of us trying to like, share our stories and just being raw and vulnerable with you guys and codependent relationships are a sticky thing, and so many of us are in it and have been in them. Yes, coming from someone that was in it I hate. Like now I like I'm like oof, like that could be a red I know we talked about red flags Like that could be a red flag for me, right. And like love bombing and all that stuff.
Speaker 1:But well, I read I sorry and I know we got to wrap it up, but I read something like what one of the things was, if you're in a codependent relationship, what you need to look for to not be in one in the next time. And I think I mentioned that when I was doing some reflecting this week. Right, like some of the trauma that I lived through past relationships I don't even you know in any. Well, I'm just gonna leave it like that. Some of the trauma that I have lived in past relationships is why you know, I'm just taking just being so cautious and preventative and, um, taking all the steps to just to protect my heart that I've worked hard to heal and repair after, after hurting for many years.
Speaker 2:A thousand percent and I think that's just so real because you like going back to checking in with yourself and focusing on those needs, that self-care you know, taking responsibility of your feelings and owning it and making that decision. Look, and we also know like getting out of that relationship can be very hard. Like you know, natalie and this is where Natalie and I differ Natalie was the one that left her relationship. I was the one that was willing to stay. I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad what happened happened right.
Speaker 2:Like you know, my ex called off our wedding and if he didn't do it, I wouldn't have done it. I can tell you that I would have stayed in that relationship and I might have been miserable growing like up, in a sense of growing in that relationship. So, yes, I'm grateful for him in doing that. It sucked, but I think it was all for the bigger picture. So I was the one that was going to stay in it, didn't want to leave it. Natalie left it. So that's two examples of how we're acknowledging we were in those. But what are we doing now to overcome it?
Speaker 1:So we're going to spend some time journaling this week and we hope that you join us in it as well, and anything else.
Speaker 2:No, I mean we again.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to lie, having Chad last week, we kind of being real, we had a time limit that we couldn't go over.
Speaker 2:So I was like time time I know, and someone I had two or three different people tell me they were like I kind of wish it was longer because I was really enjoying that conversation. We're going to bring Chad back. We are going to bring Chad back. Yes, we are going to bring him back and we will have a longer conversation. We enjoyed having him, right, you know, and a lot of you guys have enjoyed hearing him.
Speaker 1:And the audio was kind of wonky, but we figured it out. You know, every week we're just learning and we, so we are going to leave it with that. Is there anything else that we usually say?
Speaker 2:I'm drawing a blank.
Speaker 1:No, I mean other than Like and subscribe. Follow the show. We've already asked you to send us your ideas.
Speaker 2:I think that's it. Yeah, because I mean usually our mental health, right Like we talk about things, but we already left ourselves with some homework, so we are going to come back with whether it's next week or the following our letter to ourselves. Do we want to read it to each other?
Speaker 1:I think we should read it to each other. Okay, I think it'll be good. Oof, yeah, it's going to be a deep one. Cue the tears, cue the tears. Yes, okay, that's going to be a deep one.
Speaker 2:Well, thanks guys, so much for listening in.
Speaker 1:We always enjoy hearing y'all's positive feedback and love towards the podcast the D&D and we love you guys, so we hope that you have a great rest of your weekend, and we will see you next week.
Speaker 2:See you next week, everyone.
