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Dumped & Divorced
Love is the greatest thing ever...until it isn't. When two sisters experienced relationship trauma through a broken engagement and a divorce after almost a decade of marriage, hosts Natalie and Maressa learned to lean into each other to make it through a life changing time. Dumped & Divorced is a space where they will talk about life after heartbreak and the redemption through it all. A space where you can come to hear stories about the hard stuff. In hopes that you feel less alone in any hardships you might be facing. Tune in weekly as we tackle topics of healing, rebuilding, self-love, and finding strength in the aftermath of life’s most difficult moments. Follow the show on Instagram @dumpedanddivorcedthepodcast
Dumped & Divorced
Your Value Doesn't Decrease When Relationships End
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The shattered pieces of our hearts often hide something unexpected – the foundation for rebuilding ourselves stronger than before. In this raw, vulnerable conversation, sisters Natalie and Maressa unpack the challenging journey of reclaiming identity after significant heartbreak.
Having weathered a divorce and a broken engagement that came just four months before the wedding day, the sisters share how these relationships consumed nearly half their lives. They explore the stark differences in their healing processes – Natalie retreating into survival mode as a newly single parent, while Maressa filled her calendar with travel, friends, and running to rebuild her sense of self.
"When you lose a relationship, you're not just grieving the person," Marissa reflects. "You're grieving the version of who you were in that relationship." This powerful insight frames their discussion about finding new hobbies, navigating mutual friendships, and the delicate process of rebuilding confidence when your self-worth feels bruised beyond repair.
The conversation takes an intriguing turn when they discuss red flags in potential partners and friends – particularly those who don't maintain meaningful relationships with others. Their honest examination of these warning signs stems from hard-earned wisdom that they're now courageous enough to share.
This episode offers a compassionate roadmap for anyone trying to find themselves after heartbreak. As Maressa beautifully concludes, "You are not hard to love. You are just loving someone who wasn't meant to stay." Join us for this healing conversation, and remember – your journey to rebuilding starts with a single, brave step toward rediscovering yourself.
Behind The Scenes Struggles
Speaker 1Is this thing on.
Speaker 2Oh boy, wait, are we recording?
Speaker 1Yeah, we're recording and I'm going to like not move. Okay, so welcome to Dumped and Divorced. We are two sisters who talk about life after heartbreak. My name is Natalie.
Speaker 2And my name is Marissa and this is our podcast. Yes, it is Okay, guys. Welcome back to episode two of season two. Did we do an episode one? Yeah, sis, that was when I, like, talked about my move to Spain and all that and how we were going to be more intentional on topics this season. Correct.
Speaker 1Okay, so pardon us Fully transparent, because that's how we live our life. We might hang up the hat after this season.
Speaker 2We've just been coming across a lot of difficulties with getting together to record, and also the damn equipment is not our friend.
Speaker 1So this is a hobby and we bought equipment, Um, and it was like good basic stuff. But the amount of times we've had to like test, test, test, make sure that we like did 30 seconds of just quick recording to. It's so much. And by the time Marissa and I get done with it, we're like we're not even in the mood to shoot the shit, Like we're just over it. So unless we find out a more permanent thing, we might just wrap up on this season, because it takes a lot of energy out from both of us to then pretend that we're chipper but this is we're good, but we're also being raw and vulnerable in that sense because while some people do ask about it and they're like wow, I, you know, I can't believe you guys find time.
Speaker 2We don't either. We don't know how we're finding time because you know, natalie, you got a busy schedule. I, you know you're, you're rowing a tight ship.
Speaker 1I am rowing a very tight ship. Yeah, tight, tight, tight, tight, tight, yeah. So like, for example, tonight we had games. I don't even know if I can hear my oh, my God.
Speaker 2I could hear you.
Speaker 1You can, I could hear you.
Speaker 2Can you hear me?
Speaker 1Yeah, I'm seeing like I'm seeing the, the sound waves moving, the way it should.
Speaker 2We're going back to the basics. We're not doing the video anymore. No, because the video has just been a pain. Yeah, yeah, anyway.
Speaker 1So that's behind the scenes stuff that you guys really don't care about, but we're just kind of giving you a little glimpse of our struggles Because we do like to come together. I think that this is our time to kind of have intentional conversations, because right now we are, you know, we're passing ships, like I have so much things going on just with the kids and work and life and extracurriculars, that family time, and now that we don't even like live together anymore, um, it's just hard to have those conversations when it was easier, when you know we all but we didn't.
Speaker 2We didn't record season one when we were living together.
Speaker 1No, I know, I know, but um, yeah, well, season one was. I think we started in January.
Speaker 2Yeah, it was January, yeah it was this January, and there's.
Speaker 1I only had one spring sport and then I had like three. I had baseball too, but it was.
Speaker 2It was not as heavy as yeah, this is our first like time doing it in the fall and for you you're like fall sports are real, like full swing for you.
Speaker 1Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, Friday's for the boys, Saturday's for the boys, Thursday's my only day off anyways. So what we wanted to talk about today is um well, that was one update Also another update is we're going to be probably moving to a bi-weekly schedule. It's just, you know, just works out for you better, it does Um, and it gives us time to do it.
Speaker 2Also have, like, very specific topics we want to cover. Yeah, and this topic for today's episode, we're going to talk about rebuilding, right?
Speaker 1Yeah, correct, rebuilding your identity and your confidence, because we both did that. We did, yes. So, for those that are new here or need fresh reminders, the reason why we started this was our avenue to heal after, uh, a couple of years post, my divorce and your my broken engagement. Broken engagement, correct. So, um, a good chunk of our lives were associated to that piece of it, right, yeah, almost half of my life at the time that it ended, right, um, and then you were what like seven years, seven or eight years, gosh.
Speaker 2I don't even remember. Yeah, and I was closer to 14. I was four months away from my wedding, so there's a little bit it's not like a year. I know I've said this before, but like it was just, you were in the final, final countdown.
Speaker 1Seriously yeah.
Speaker 2And I do want to say you know breakups shake you.
Speaker 2They really do, yeah, and you know your heart gets broken in a million pieces.
Speaker 2Whether you're the one being caught like you're, whether you're being broken up with more, you're the one breaking up with that person, right, regardless, there's no better side of it.
Speaker 2They shake us, not just your hearts, but also like yourself, as an, as an, as an individual, and you know we kind of want to highlight on that rebuild, that rebirth, and you know, talk about that grieving process, because you're not just grieving the person but you're also grieving the version of who you were in that relationship and how you feel lost, right, like I know, for me, I was stuck in this robotic feel where I was like, how do I live my life without this person? Right, they were involved in my day to days and so you know you kind of have to lose touch with that routine you had. You know habits. Like you know, when you lose somebody, it's just so crazy how much you have to put in consideration with everything else, like just the small things, like, even like the text messages or the dreams, right, like I had so many dreams with my partner and those were shattered.
Speaker 2I think the biggest like I thought you were talking about like nighttime dreams like aspirations like futuristic dreams and goals, like where I wanted to live, how many kids I wanted, you know, when I wanted to become a mom because nothing was more important to me than to become a mom and to feel like that was taken from me and I think I've highlighted this on another episode is, you know, you were like, wow, now I have nothing, I have no one to share that life with, and it's just unfortunate because you then feel like you get shafted from some things and you know. I also think that it's there's no shame in like not knowing who you are or what you want after that, and I think that's what some people have a really hard time with. And I think I've came to this realization because so much time has passed, you know, and I think I came to this realization because so much time has passed. You know, in that moment I wasn't thinking clearly.
Speaker 1And I wouldn't be able to have these aha moments without knowing all of that rebuilding I've done in the last couple of years. You live it in your day, your day in and day out that your mentality during those um post heartbreak is kind of one day at a time, like all I have to do is get out of bed today All.
Speaker 1I have to do is just get it through another day of survival, right Cause my heart, my heart, right, because my heart, my heart, my heart, my heart is shattered um. And you know, even though we experience like ours were different, because you were the one that you didn't see it coming, no, at all no, you were completely blinded.
Grieving Your Former Self
Speaker 1And meanwhile I like it was kind of a gradual buildup for me where I finally was like, okay, this, you know, it's going to be best if we just kind of part ways Um. So for me, while it was reclaiming my life alone, it was something that I think I was mentally preparing for for I don't know how long before. You know, I mean, I can't, I can't really, I can't really say, you know, I was scheming this for X amount of months, like I wasn't like that movie, um, with, uh, sandra or Julia Roberts sleeping with the enemy.
Speaker 2Sleeping with the Enemy, oh my gosh. Sleeping with the Enemy, oh God, that's such a good movie, yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, so it, mine was just um, but it's still. You know, you kind of have to. You lose parts of yourself throughout it, right, because you have this whole person that you've, um, created a life with. And then, um, so, tell me a little bit about what you did like, what hobbies or what things, um, you did like to do when you got to the point where you were able to do it, cause for a while you kind of were a slug.
Speaker 1Oh my God, I heard a slut and I was like well, that too you said it, not me.
Speaker 2I swear I was like this bitch coming in hot. I'm a slug. I just walked right into that one.
Speaker 1Yeah, you did.
Speaker 2I would say, literally putting me first. And I think that's also where part of this big move, this big decision to move to Madrid, has been brewing, because I'm like, I'm going to do me. I'm going to like, put me first and I'm going to do what I want to do, because in my relationship I lost who I was as a person and that in between period of that uncomfortable like I don't know what I want to do or what do I, what am I gaining I just kind of shifted my mindset on. I'm going to focus on me. This is going to be the best version of who I am and I'm going to work on myself. I'm going to do therapy. I'm going to run.
Speaker 2I picked up running. I mean, I've always loved running, but I felt like I was running more. I was hanging out with all of my friends. I while I don't want to say I was running away, right, like some people, like think that I stay busy because there's a, there's a why. And one of my, one of my friends actually asked me, you know, like, are you moving to Spain? Because are you? Are you moving to Spain Because you're running away?
Speaker 1And.
Speaker 2I was like someone asked you that yeah, oh my God, and it wasn't. I wasn't, I was not offended. It's somebody near and dear to my heart and, like she was, truly, it was coming from a place of love, because she saw me struggling with something that happened recently and she wanted to know if I was running away from something. And I'm trying to think.
Speaker 1I was not.
Speaker 2I was not like I was not taken back by that question, because I do always stay busy and I do always like I'm always on the go. I'm always hanging out with friends, spending time with family. You know, I don't mind. I don't mind being alone, but sometimes I don't want to be alone and that's another thing to like kind of focus on. Is you know who like, who, you are right and how? How are you spending your time? Do you like to be alone or are you trying to stay busy because you're trying to forget everything that's happening in your life?
Speaker 1Well, I think that you know meaning making sure everyone had eaten a meal, you know, at like, after they got home from school and was getting showered and getting in bed. I wasn't hanging out with anybody, like I was totally different than you. Now, granted, there was our situation. You know we can't compare apple to apples, but I was just in straight survive survival mode for so long. Yeah, and I did notice that about you, that you were, like you've always been, one to keep a pretty busy schedule and, if you know me, before this peak season of my life, with kids.
Speaker 1I used to not, you were like such a hermit and I was not. I tried not to do anything on the weekends because I was like recovering from just the day to day work life, the day to day of just managing a partner and kids and you know the little bit of extracurriculars that we did do, and on the weekends we didn't do anything. But, now I feel like every weekend You're doing something.
Speaker 2It's multiple things, Right, Well, and that's kind of why, you know, in thinking back, I did stay busy and that's kind of what I use to build myself in a sense. Where I was staying busy, I was traveling, I was hanging out with friends, I was making efforts to maintain friendships and relationships in my life that were important to me, and you know. But I also sat in that loneliness, I sat in my time by myself. You know, there were times where I was okay with being alone. I didn't feel like I needed somebody with me at all times, even though I was trying to stay busy.
Speaker 2And kind of going back to that point where my friend asked me are you running away from something? There was just like an accumulation of things that had happened right, my breakup, my job, dad, there was like like three big events that all happened in two to three years and you know you're like I can't handle this anymore, I need to leave, I need to get out of here and start a new life. So when she asked me that it was more of are you running away from something? Like what are you afraid of? But it wasn't a question of, it, wasn't. I knew it wasn't judgy whatsoever, it was more of an endearment Like what are you doing? Are you doing this for yourself? Are you doing this because you actually are trying to forget or run away?
Speaker 1Well, I think it's different, Like if this would have been asked, like if you would have came up with this idea um the summer after it happened. I could see that being like you're running away, but now a couple years have passed now. I mean you've, you've. I don't want to say you've moved on in the sense of you've gotten yourself a boyfriend, but you've. I have dated and I was.
Speaker 2I was in a pretty I mean this recently. I was in like a somewhat exclusive relationship with someone and you know, do I want to talk about this, I'm not sure and like he probably he even joked.
Finding New Hobbies and Purpose
Speaker 2he was like am I going to be a topic on your podcast? And you know what? Maybe. I mean he's a great guy. I have nothing negative to say. Our summer fling was beautiful and unfortunately I had to come to an end and there was there's nothing wrong with it. But like, like you said, I've dated and I've dated short term, and then I was pretty like exclusive with this last person. Yeah, and I have nothing negative to say about him, okay, well, pivoting from that.
Speaker 1Okay, so did you kind of get yourself.
Speaker 2Okay, so you talked about running that, oh, like my hobbies, yeah, I mean I ran traveling. I was traveling non-stop, um, going places, doing things, and I was visiting people. Like there were some people that didn't live in state and I would make a trip to see them, because to me I'm like I'm gonna make an effort to see you also hop on a plane because we're catching flights. Not feelings, but, and you know it, just I did things. I went to concerts. You and I had a time where we were like going to a concert a weekend or a concert a month, and it's when we had the Atlanta United tickets, season tickets.
Speaker 1Yeah, remember when we would go to a soccer game after the cheerleading game, uh-huh oh yeah and we would like literally go from Union County Georgia to. Atlanta, and you know, then we, then we'd you know be we were just staying busy.
Speaker 2We were and I think I think that's what's also important is, yes, staying busy was is important, but making kind of a new new habit, new habits. Yeah, like new routine, it wasn't.
Speaker 1it's not long lived right Cause like that was one season of our life. Yeah and yeah and um.
Speaker 2good, we need to go to another soccer game I know I actually haven't been to an atlanta united game in a bit and I thought about going, but um, I think our last one was probably like last this time last year it was it was literally a couple days before dad passed away I know. Yeah, so it's coming to the year anniversary.
Speaker 1I think I actually saw that on my memories on my phone but anyways yeah. So what about?
Speaker 2you, like you kind of asked me you know so what were you? You and I were different in a sense where I was always busy but you kind of became busier, but that was like a total 360, because you were a hermit, you were like not leaving the house whatsoever.
Speaker 1Okay, so my separation happened in May and I think that throughout the summer I was just hermit. I was just a hermit and it was straight survival mode. I was working from home, I had the kids. You know, we kept like, we just kept close. I was adapting to being a single mom, a single parent, um, and having more kids than hands that I had to hold, kind of thing, and at the time they were still young where, um, I needed to keep a close, like I keep a close eye on my kids. I'm not don't misconstrue that at all, but like I were at now at a point where parenting is getting a little easier in that sense, like if I say, look both ways, they know to look both ways or wait, don't cross the street.
Speaker 1They wait and cross the street. But you know how long has it been? Three years. Three years ago that wasn't something that was happening, so for a while I just had to sit in in the alone, and that's when I picked up reading.
Speaker 2So I read I think um, you read like a hundred, a hundred books I think in 2023,.
Speaker 1I read a hundred books, so I started heavy this May prior to that and, um, reading was basically my life, Like I would. I remember specifically in my old kitchen cooking dinner and reading and reading Do you audio book?
Speaker 2I don't audio, I don't either, but I feel like you would be a good audio booker no, because then that will give me an excuse to do more multitasking and you can't and I can't know Cause, even there are times where I'll read a book and I'll like reread another, a chap.
Speaker 1reread that paragraph, just so that I fully understand it. And the books that I was reading were romance, lovey-dovey. It filled the cup that I no longer had in the sense of a happily ever after, and then I would mix in some non-fictions, but yeah, so reading became a huge copy, and then I started going to the gym.
Speaker 2And then the sauna thoughts um your sauna, thoughts were um, that's kind of what brought you, I think, to the idea of podcasting too, because your sauna thoughts were like legit, they were really good. I wish you, I wish you could have kept.
Speaker 1I can you can go back and like, archive it. No, no, no, I know you have it. I wish you, I wish you could have kept. You can go back and like archive it.
Speaker 2No, no, no. I know you have it, but I wish you have like a bubble on your own Instagram. This is a shit I talked about because it was heavy and it was good, but I think you're in a really good spot with your life right now no-transcript.
Speaker 1I think I said this, maybe in the last episode that the co-parenting right now that I have with my ex-husband is very good. Um, you know, it ebbs and it flows. However, we're at a point where things are we all in. Yeah, we don't talk, it's we? It's not something that I'm saying, that we talk every single day, but when we do need to talk, the conversations are, you know, structured, you know structured. They get. There's no, you know dilly dallying. It's like we're going to I wouldn't, sorry, sorry, continue, continue. It's to the point. And like everybody is healthy, yeah, which?
Speaker 2is great. Yeah, Sorry when you said dilly dally. One of my girlfriends loves that term.
Speaker 1Dilly dally.
Speaker 2Yeah, She'll be like, oh, I just want a dilly dally. Or I'm going to dilly dally Like, oh, you go ahead, I'm going to dilly dally, and it reminds me of like a frog sitting on a lily pad just dilly dally. And so I hope she listens to this and laughs, because we were heading to our friends our best friend's bachelorette and she kept on saying dilly dally this, dilly dally that. And I was like I haven't heard that term in years and now I want to use it all the time. That's not a term I use a lot either, but um, but yeah.
Speaker 1so then, um, I would say, reading became a good hobby, and then um, my sauna um, those were definitely your hobbies post breakup.
Speaker 2That was something that you honed in on. That helped you kind of get like click, like clarity.
Speaker 1Yeah, I paused my gym membership for the summer. Um, and I'm actually kind of mad at the gym right now. But yeah, why? Well, cause it was my fault that I forgot to pause my membership before we went to Spain.
Speaker 2Oh shit.
Speaker 1But like I think the last time I went to the gym was maybe mid June, right before we left, and then my credit card changed. Oh, like it expired, I think, in July. So when they ran it at the end of July, it's a client it like didn't accept because it was new, like that card was no longer valid. So then they tried it again in August and no one called me.
Speaker 2So like is your account? Like blocked?
Navigating Shared Friendships
Speaker 1Yeah. So I called them and I was like I'm not paying, like you're already going to make me pay for two months of gym that I didn't go to. I'm not paying the all these extra fees. So they're like that's fine, we I'm not paying the all these extra fees, so they're like that's fine, we'll waive the fees, but you still have to pay for July and August. I was. I was so so mad damn, um, but anyways so, so yeah, and then was there any? What about relationships with people that were linked to my ex.
Speaker 2Yeah that was a that was a big one. Um, I will say I'm grateful for the friends that were respectful in like, like, I have a friend and I'll always like admire her, and she made this decision of I'm going to stay friends with you and my husband's going to stay friends with him. However, we I really don't know if he's has the husband is still friends with him. It's not something that you ask about, no, no, I mean like, again, time has passed, like we're both, we've both moved on. Um, I mean, I mean I hope, I mean I'm assuming he has, like you know, um, and there were some people that you know felt like they had to choose and, again, I've never been in a situation where I'm with somebody and a couple that we're close with breaks up, like I truly don't know how I would be in that situation.
Speaker 1Like the movie where what's that 40 year old um with Steve Carell and um the redhead?
Speaker 2Hannah banana. That's um crazy, stupid love.
Speaker 1Yeah, and then the guy's like we have to pick, and we pick her, here's a perfume, and then he shoves them the perfume oh my gosh, the neighbor, um, and he was like she's making me pick.
Speaker 2Yes, yes, I do remember Um. Yeah, no, and that's the thing is, it's uncomfortable. And so I feel like there was a time where it was either people chose him or people chose me, and there was nothing wrong with that. You know us going to college and having a lot of mutual connections, that's understandable. Uh, then there was some people that were on his side that I just completely removed from my life, you know, from all of my social media, because I didn't want any information getting back to him, because what's the point? What's the point? Right, like to rub it in, oh, so-and-so, russ is moving to Madrid. You know, good for her, right, that's probably what he would say, um, but there was. I did have a relationship that I did have to um, I did have to part my ways on, and it it hurt in that moment.
Speaker 1And I don't. Are you talking about the girl? Yeah?
Speaker 2Okay, what I feel like you no, you can go ahead. Um, as my sister, as my older sister, you have an opinion on that. For me it sucked because I thought she was a friend. She did it did feel like she screwed me over.
Speaker 1I'm going to say this, and the people that like really know you will probably ditto when they hear this.
Speaker 2They'll be like we we fight at Dodd, we ride we ride at Dodd.
Speaker 1We ride at Dodd. Um, I think sometimes you're you have like the most golden heart, that people take advantage of it. And I, like you, you are so inclusive and want everyone to feel um connected and the love and comfortable around you. Um, and that's one of your traits, right, just like making everyone feel warm and fuzzy, um, but I think that you were blinded by by this individual and um, yeah, like I, from the moment that I met her, I was like something's off, yeah, something is.
Speaker 2Let me ask you and this is this can have relation to this topic we're talking about, but it also has, like relation to my ex. Not that I'm trying to talk about him, but what are your thoughts on whether it's a girl or a guy? So whether it's a friend, a friend that's a girl, a girlfriend, or it's a future partner, as like a man Not that I needed to clarify that, because we clearly know you like men If they don't have a lot of friends.
Speaker 1No major red flag.
Speaker 2Okay, so on both sides, whether it's a girl or a guy. What do you?
Speaker 1mean.
Speaker 2So like if it's like a girlfriend that you're trying to befriend and she doesn't have any friends.
Speaker 1Oh yeah.
Speaker 2Or if it's like a guy you're dating and you're like, well, you're friends, and he doesn't have any friends. So those are like either, or whether it's a boyfriend dating or a friend.
Speaker 1So I kind of I kind of feel like there's um a fine line, so you can either have no friends, and that's a red flag, or you can have way too many friends, and that's a red flag too. Like I'm someone and I know you're like twitching, because you're like are you talking about me, natalie? Because I have a lot of friends. I think that you're kind of the exception because you're like you. For your birthday, for example, you had all the well, and Chad is actually better at that than you.
Speaker 1Um, like he just has all these random people in his life that he's been friends with throughout many seasons of life and he has such a great way to make them feel included, feel included, and you kind of have a little bit um, but you are more consistent. I'm feeling like I'm getting a little fuzzy am I getting a little fuzzy?
Speaker 2you were feeling like you were going farther away.
Speaker 1Oh, yeah, okay um, can you hear the fuzz? I can hear the fuzz a little bit. Okay, so you have a lot of friends and um, but you have, you are intentional about your friends. It's not like um, I don't know, like you're not a friend hoe you don't have like so many that are kind of useless.
Speaker 2Never heard of that term before a friend hoe.
Speaker 1I just made it up, but a major red flag is for someone when, when they don't have a lot of friends, no because here's the thing If they don't invest into other, if they don't, I don't I don't know if invest is the right word. If they don't have other relationships, um, like, and even family relationships, I won't do it. Yeah, Um, because I know our family dynamic and how connected we are and how we rely on each other so heavily that I don't think I can have somebody that isn't involved with their family.
Speaker 1Yeah, but we pivoted from friends to like family.
Speaker 2Well, I had a question, like I essentially asked. I was like would you because I bring that up, because this person you were talking to me about, um?
Speaker 1she didn't have friends.
Speaker 2She didn't have any friends. But then I also thought there was a couple other people that I'm not going to mention that didn't have any friends either, that are no longer involved in my life, and so now I'm like to me friendships are so important that I might have to take that in consideration in the future.
Speaker 1I think so For sure. Like I think so for sure Because, um, if other people aren't seeing their value and want to be linked to them, then why should you?
Speaker 2Yeah, in a sort what did it that Taylor Swift said Energy, and oh, that quote from the podcast she did when she essentially on Travis.
Speaker 1Kelsey yeah, like your sound is so much better than mine. Are you sure we didn't switch mics?
Speaker 2God, it's going to be the death of me. Well, I'm from all the times I've shown on underwater. You did sound underwater last episode.
Speaker 1Yeah, and there was a couple of people that were like someone told me yeah, someone told you, I know you I'm pissed because I'm like see I sounded like shit, did anybody?
Speaker 2tell you yeah, I had two people tell me oh. They were like, oh, what happened? I'm like FML.
Speaker 1Oh man, okay, so yeah, I can insist, just keep going. Okay, but this sounds so shitty Like I don't want to keep going.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 1Because what I hear is what's going to produce? Okay, Okay, so let's just I'm starting to get pissed. I know.
Speaker 2Um, okay, so you know, with just keeping up with possibly. Um, we talked about friends, we talked about you know that identity. Hobbity, hobbies, hobbities, hobbities, hobbity, hobbity. Who, oh man we're?
Speaker 1getting delusional.
Speaker 2We are getting delusional. I also want to just end with because I feel like this was a good you know just diving into the rebuilding topic. What would you say? You know what was your purpose after your heartbreak? What do you think you helped like, aside from your kids? Was there anything that helped you redefine that self-worth, or what was that wake up call for you?
Speaker 1I don't, I don't even know, I don't, I don't even know, um, I don't cause that's a hard question. I think my purpose was just to live in peace. Um and yeah, like that's really it, because life just kind of got lighter after. Yeah, yeah, that's kind of all I'll say on that?
Redefining Self-Worth After Relationships
Speaker 2for me, I think it's, you know, loving yourself more, especially for me, because I feel like I never put myself first.
Speaker 1Well, I think the difference between our situations is that you, well, I don't want to say it, nevermind, I'm not want to say it, never mind, I'm not gonna say it.
Speaker 2What were you?
Speaker 1gonna say well, I was gonna say he, he fucked with your head.
Speaker 2I feel like oh my god so much more than than my situation I would beg to differ, but that's because you're, it's your opinion on him and I have opinion on I have opinion. I have my own opinion on your situation yeah so I think we both like feel like each other's exes fucked with our heads yeah, I mean yeah, but I guess for redefining that self-worth it's.
Speaker 2One thing I want to like make it known is that your self-worth can sometimes feel very bruised after a breakup because you're like, well shit, I clearly am not worthy enough for someone to want to be with me. So then your ego gets hit. Like I mentioned this in another episode, my confidence went to the gutter Like that.
Speaker 1that's what I meant.
Speaker 2Oh, okay.
Speaker 1Like your confidence.
Speaker 2I filled that shit back up, though you did, you did, but I don't like that. That's what I meant.
Speaker 1oh, okay, like your confidence, you build that shit back up, though you did, you did, but I don't think that that like, I just yeah, I think it. I am seeing more of a confidence bust hit for you, um, because I think you're beautiful, I think you're like perfect in all the ways. Oh my gosh, you're making me blush that you just were never enough for him.
Speaker 2Ooh.
Speaker 1Ouch, and I think that's what it was.
Speaker 2Okay, very, very fair, yeah, totally.
Speaker 1And he was trying to make you into somebody that you weren't.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1God and I'm not like, I don't feel like my situation was like that per se.
Speaker 2Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1You might differ. No, I guess now that I understand a little bit further on what you're trying to say.
Speaker 2Yes, you are hitting some spots on that's true.
Speaker 1Yeah, like I mean, despite it all, I think for many years we in my situation were trying to make the best out of it and make it work. Yeah, you know, after some sometimes you just have to call it quits. But I think for you, like you were becoming somebody to fit his mold that he wanted to make for you yeah.
Speaker 2That is what I meant.
Speaker 1You're not wrong. That is more. So what I meant. Yeah.
Speaker 2Okay, fair. Well, and I also want to emphasize that your value doesn't decrease when a relationship ends, and I think that was the biggest hurdle for me, because I felt like my life ended, oh, I still like I'm the only friend of mine that's divorced. Well, that's not the case in my situation.
Speaker 1It's funny how that happens, yeah.
Speaker 2Whoa Weird, Because you guys. I just hit my face. You guys got married younger. No, I guess, like all of my friends, got married really young.
Speaker 1I mean like all the, all my other friends are celebrating 10, like, years of like not nine 10 years of marriage.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1So um sure, Maybe, but at the same time I don't, I, I don't know yeah.
Your Value Doesn't Decrease
Speaker 2I it's. It's tough because I know a lot of people that have gone through divorces and just don't talk about it. And I think that's also where I'm like talk about it because you need to emphasize, you know, what you went through to make it not a bad like. I just feel like people think divorce or breaking up with long-term relationships or ending engagements, like Ie my situation, people are embarrassed to talk about it and I'm just like you know what? Fuck it. Everyone goes through some sort of heartbreak. Everyone goes through some sort of loss. They need to normalize it and I want to end with this you are not hard to love. You are just loving someone who wasn't meant to stay.
Speaker 1That's good. I like like it very tagliney.
Speaker 2I thought that was a good one that is.
Speaker 1I mean, like I tell my kids it's better to have two people happy in two different homes. Yeah, then have two people in one home that are very unhappy together.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Because you know same thing. It's not anything about devaluing your love or your worth because it didn't work out. It's just, I think, seeing um the bigger picture, like I think that, because of our separation, we're going to be raising children that, yes, come from a broken family However. However, we have become cohesive as best as we can in this situation Totally. So, and like I think that that just speaks volumes of individuals and the work people are doing to fix, heal and overcome all those things that you went through.
Speaker 2Yeah, a thousand percent. Well, I think we should wrap it up with that, since it's getting late. You and I are at our wits' with this, this and listen.
Speaker 1If the recording doesn't sound good, tell us, but tell us that you love us after you say hey, nat and marissa, we probably already know, but you know what? We're just gonna roll with this at this point yeah we've, just unless someone has a studio or wants to be our podcast manager and do all the recordings, cause I don't know what the fuck we're doing wrong here.
Speaker 2We're like we were doing really well for a bit and then nothing changed, like all the plugins all the equipment unless our equipment is just shitty, and it's like after a year, batteries, I don't know.
Speaker 2I don't know, I don't know, but we know, I don't know. But we will come back and, like nally mentioned, we're going to do this bi-weekly um, just because life is busy for both of us, and we will have another topic. Uh, more to come, maybe we'll do a little teaser on instagram, but we're going to be more intentional. So thanks again for tuning in. Don't forget to like our Spotify and Apple podcasts and follow us on Instagram.
Speaker 1Yes, okay, guys. Well, we appreciate you as always. We love you Um. We will see you in two weeks.
Speaker 2See you then. Bye, toodles.
